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    vangoghsearTracy Moore
    2/21/16 1:47pm

    I’m very surprised by the emphasis on incorporating lingerie as the part of sex that makes both men and women happy. . .my husband and I tend to be wearing our flannel pajamas and then . . .not wearing our pajamas for sexy times. We’re not opposed to lingerie, just lazy. Informal survey — does anyone actually say “let me slip into something” leave the room and then come back in a lingerie, or is this just a fantasy of the survey-takers?

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      SheeshTheseNamesvangoghsear
      2/21/16 1:53pm

      I don’t bother, lol. He hasn’t requested it and I don’t think I would feel comfortable now that I’m fat. We just get naked.

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      Still-Celia is Neverfuckingvotingforhillsxovangoghsear
      2/21/16 1:53pm

      I did, until I had kids and now I NEED THE DARK. Three C sections were not kind.

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    GELLA - LLAPTracy Moore
    2/21/16 1:52pm

    best couples are just best friends with benefits

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      Luckier (sometimes Luckless, sometimes Luckiest)GELLA - LLAP
      2/21/16 1:59pm

      Aptly put.

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      I'm Fart and I'm SmunnyGELLA - LLAP
      2/21/16 2:03pm

      Maybe that’s my problem? I mean, I’m too young for being single to be a problem, but I can’t seem to find a guy with a personality that isn’t shitty. I’m also not looking very hard, though. Does this require effort?

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    CAPTAINOHTracy Moore
    2/21/16 1:45pm

    Twice a week is a lot?

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      HailMcGuffinCAPTAINOH
      2/21/16 1:48pm

      In a long term relationship? Definitely.

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      SheeshTheseNamesCAPTAINOH
      2/21/16 1:48pm

      In a long-term relationship, where the people aren’t in their 20s anymore, they have jobs, maybe kids. Twice a week is realistic.

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    The Noble RenardTracy Moore
    2/21/16 2:11pm

    Oh geez, candles and background music are just so not a thing for me. Though we did once have They Came Together on in the background and let me tell you, laughing at an amazing joke and trying not to giggle to death while... down and busy... is something of a breathing hazard

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      lissargh: still grey on the slotThe Noble Renard
      2/21/16 2:50pm

      I find sex in general hilarious, it’s part of why I find it so fun... But I’ve definitely learned two things as a sex laugher:

      1. Some guys DO NOT LIKE THIS. Not even if you fart or queef or fall off of the bed, some guys will lose all of their libido as soon as you giggle. It’s best to never have sex with those people ever again because life is not that serious.

      2. It is REALLY HARD to continue having sex when you start REALLY laughing. It's IMPOSSIBLE when you're both cracking up.

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      The Noble Renardlissargh: still grey on the slot
      2/21/16 2:53pm

      Omg yes on number one. Sex is funny. You’re waggling around genitals and smashing things together and funny noises and moments will happen. People who freak out about that are very silly.

      And yes on number two. Sometimes you just need to take a minute or two to giggle before recovering.

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    Slay.douché - (dreams to be a puppy)Tracy Moore
    2/21/16 1:54pm

    so gee - chemistry plus effort.
    then most wreck it by letting the effort lapse.
    (it really is a fast food culture in “all departments”).

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      GELLA - LLAPSlay.douché - (dreams to be a puppy)
      2/21/16 1:57pm

      pretty standard

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      Slay.douché - (dreams to be a puppy)GELLA - LLAP
      2/21/16 1:59pm

      obvi
      yet doesn’t *have* to be, if people shake up out of the internets + Netflix trance every once in a while...

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    Mary Jane HollandTracy Moore
    2/21/16 2:27pm

    How ironic. I left my boyfriend (now ex I guess) literally half an hour ago because he started to pretend I dot exist/has barely had sex with me in two months.

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      randilynisFINDILYNMary Jane Holland
      2/21/16 2:55pm

      Sympathy from an internet random in the form of a virtual *hug*.

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      foxGreyjoy and the salty cynicMary Jane Holland
      2/21/16 3:40pm

      Damn. Good for you that you stood up for yourself, I have a major fear of conflict so I have enormous respect for that. Hugs <3

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    JeffersonMurderTracy Moore
    2/21/16 2:46pm

    As someone who generally sucks at talking and is probably pretty bad at screwing too, this hardly fills me with confidence.

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      PoodletimeJeffersonMurder
      2/21/16 3:19pm

      Dude, there’s someone out there for everybody. And nobody is that bad at screwing. Go slowly. Go really slowly. Not softly, just slowly. Eventually, someone will be begging you to speed up, I promise you. Practice makes perfect!

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      JeffersonMurderPoodletime
      2/21/16 3:32pm

      Practice makes perfect!

      Yeeeeaaaaah, that doesn’t mean much when you haven’t had any opportunities to practice.

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    Clementine RountreeTracy Moore
    2/21/16 1:50pm

    The whole idea of “tips” that can help save your marriage is kind of fucked up. No tip can save a bad marriage, and no good marriage requires tips to save it.

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      sillysanta2Clementine Rountree
      2/21/16 1:58pm

      Agreed. Lasting, happy relationships don’t result from a happy sex life. A happy sex life is, apparently, just part of most lasting, happy relationships. There’s not really anything anyone can do if they don’t feel authentic attraction, admiration and affection for their partner. But this sort of research is still important in my opinion to combat the idea that people stuck in loveless relationships hear all the time: “It’s natural to feel frustrated for years on end. Men and women inevitably leave each other frustrated because they’re made differently. Real love is an action, not a feeling.” Blah blah blah. Especially in religious communities, this litany of rationalizations for bad marriages destroys lives.

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      Clementine Rountreesillysanta2
      2/21/16 2:00pm

      They say that contempt is the one reliable metric with which to predict lastingness in marriage. You cannot get past contempt.

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    jjansenTracy Moore
    2/21/16 1:55pm

    Find someone who can ignore most of your bullshit and shares your definition for the ideal level of closeness, then marry the crap out of them.

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      Generic Superherojjansen
      2/21/16 4:50pm

      By “ignore,” you mean “notices it, but shrugs after deciding the good stuff outweighs it,” right?

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      Spiffy McBangjjansen
      2/21/16 7:55pm

      A friend of mine likes to say she figures at this point, a relationship that will work for her is one where their baggage is color-coordinated.

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    cutsglassTracy Moore
    2/21/16 2:24pm

    I just read the last article linked to in the final paragraph (http://www.bkmag.com/2016/02/08/unl…) and for me it was a revelation. I’ve been mostly single for several years now and I can’t tell you how many well-meaning people have given me advice along the lines of “get out there.” I meet guys at work and I’ve done online dating. Through both, I’ve met interesting men and had nice and sometimes sexy times with them, but I haven’t felt that necessary chemistry with a man for long term love.

    For me the worst is when people say “you’ve got to love yourself first” or some such variation. It feels to me like the equivalent of someone telling a sick person that they are not getting better because they are not praying or don’t have enough faith that they will be cured. I’ll be honest, it feels like blaming the victim. I’m not comparing myself with anyone who is physically ill, but I am comparing the idea that I don’t have enough faith in myself to enable the universe to bring me something wonderful.

    I could keep writing about this but I’ll reign it in! Thank you for the link.

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      AltairaMorbius2200ADcutsglass
      2/21/16 3:10pm

      I found love because I put myself actually out there more, but also because I got lucky. So, two-pronged approach? You can’t find anyone if you don’t put yourself out there, but it’s luck when you do, even when you are ready for the chance.

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      Poodletimecutsglass
      2/21/16 3:15pm

      It’s much harder to meet people than it was when I was a single person, and that was only 30 years ago. Check out the book “Bowling Alone” for an interesting and valid take on how American communities have changed so much in recent years. It’s not about you. But you may have some influence over how many quality/comptible men you meet. The fact that young Americans work so many more hours than they used to, and how cutthroat workplaces have become and how depopulated the places young people normally meet have become may give you some hints on how to expand your social circle. Check the book out — it’s very interesting! And good luck!

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