Kinja reply list

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Masshole JamesBobby Finger
2/12/16 2:51pm
They will never fuck. “I’m religious” is the bullshit excuse down-low athletes like Tim Tebow and Wilson use to cover for the obvious. I’m sure Ciara is getting compensated very well to beard and the poor thing needs the money: She hasn’t had a hit in a decade.

GIF

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  andsmokeit is mrs tormund giantsbaneMasshole James
  2/12/16 2:53pm
  to cover for the obvious.
  
  robots can’t bone?
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  GELLA - LLAPMasshole James
  2/12/16 2:58pm
  Its inhuman, its unnatural, its phycotic scifi. I don’t know how they do it. Help me James.
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andsmokeit is mrs tormund giantsbaneBobby Finger
2/12/16 2:46pm
hi

russell wilson is a robot

ciara and the NFL created him in a lab so the NFL would have a Black Quarterback Posterchild (TM) and she would have a hot boyfriend to rub in Future’s face but that she wouldn’t have to bother actually having to have maintenance sex with so she could hang with her baby.

i thought everyone knew this already?

ps: rip marshawn ily call me
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  Darmok eats Challah at 12Nagraandsmokeit is mrs tormund giantsbane
  2/12/16 2:51pm
  If he breaks his tooth on a Twix, we’ll know he’s human.
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  andsmokeit is mrs tormund giantsbaneDarmok eats Challah at 12Nagra
  2/12/16 2:52pm
  russell wilson only consumes whey
  
  fact #2.
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Clover HopeBobby Finger
2/12/16 4:49pm

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paultoesBobby Finger
2/12/16 2:56pm
I’m abstinent too.

GIF

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  NomNom83paultoes
  2/12/16 3:13pm
  Is that gif from a movie or like... a documentary?
  
  Related: A HS friend was very devout (but not at all preachy) and had a BF for ~3 yrs. Teens being teens, she was down to go down. Until she attended Bible camp before our Senior year where they were all told that oral was just as bad as sex*. She came back feeling ashamed and I know she was at least in college before she ventured to do it again (with a different guy). We’ve grown apart but I know she stayed a virgin until she married (another virgin, very nice guy). They’re good people and I wish them the best. But sometimes I wonder if, now that we’re in our 30s, she ever looks back on all that bullshit and resents those judgy motherfuckers.
  
  * To be clear, they were not coming at this from a public health perspective of risk and protection but a very clear “Jesus does not approve”.
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  paultoesNomNom83
  2/12/16 3:23pm
  A HBO documentary called Middle School Confessions
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lisaroweBobby Finger
2/12/16 2:43pm
we know too much about this relationship.
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  uppitywhitegawkerreaderlisarowe
  2/12/16 2:51pm
  Right? Ciara is usually private. I don’t get why they have to keep bringing it up.
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  lisaroweuppitywhitegawkerreader
  2/12/16 3:02pm
  i think people just keep asking and also this interview was for cosmo so sex sex sex.
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JujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes hereBobby Finger
2/12/16 2:50pm
Wilson called it a divine mission—telling a San Diego church that God literally spoke to him and asked for his celibacy as some kind of personal favor.

God is the ultimate cockblock. Poor Russell; he has no idea that all this time God’s been watching Ciara while she showers.
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  freaks go all the wayJujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes here
  2/12/16 3:58pm
  That’s what God said to Joseph too, and look what happened there.
  
  I just hope Ciara realizes that God is probably lying when he says he put on a condom.
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  jpomonkeyJujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes here
  2/12/16 7:49pm
  All the stars for you!
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Cylontater: Luke Skywalker's Baby MamaBobby Finger
2/12/16 2:51pm
$20 says one of them cries after they finally do it the first time.

And not a good cry.
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  TakahashiCylontater: Luke Skywalker's Baby Mama
  2/12/16 9:28pm
  Well when they’ve built it up this much, the physical act is never going to measure up.
  
  My ex best friend was a diehard Catholic who was going to be a virgin on her wedding night GODDAMMIT and nothing was stopping her! Her husband was going to be too! She even refused gyno exams because she thought that would take away her virginity. For reals. She used to go on and on and on about how as soon as she had sex, she was going to be fucking her husband nonstop anywhere and everywhere.
  
  The next morning after her wedding night she had this stricken look on her face and she refused to talk about...anything. She wouldn’t look at anyone. All she wanted to do was open gifts and go back to bed.
  
  My hunch is that sex was not what she thought it was going to be.
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RicwashBobby Finger
2/12/16 3:24pm
Eh. The blinds have been swearing up and down that Wilson is gay for ages, and that Ciara, is a beautiful, very well paid beard so that his NFL career can continue. Don’t know how true it is, but I am getting a huge sense of, “Methinks thou doth protest too much” with the amount of TMI regarding the sex in this relationship. To the point where I am beginning to think the blinds might have a point, and that he may be covering up for his latent gayness. Most abstinates aren’t going to talk about it much, not out of embarrassment, but really because it’s none of your business. If they have to KEEP talking about it, it just makes you wonder what they are trying to cover up.
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  Poor Old Edgar DerbyRicwash
  2/12/16 3:41pm
  I’m going to do andsmokeit a solid here and point out that they’re trying to cover up the fact that he’s a robot
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  RicwashPoor Old Edgar Derby
  2/12/16 3:43pm
  hahahahahahahahaha
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fighting polish is David Schwimmer as Rob Kardashian SrBobby Finger
2/12/16 2:46pm

GIF

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  andsmokeit is mrs tormund giantsbanefighting polish is David Schwimmer as Rob Kardashian Sr
  2/12/16 2:50pm
  s/o you for sending me this
  
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  DalekDalekandsmokeit is mrs tormund giantsbane
  2/12/16 2:58pm
  How much bullshit can one man have on his lapels?!?
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mollymlf05Bobby Finger
2/12/16 3:11pm
They either need to fuck or shut the hell about not fucking. I’m fine with either choice.
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  DontBeSuchaBoobPunchTinamollymlf05
  2/12/16 4:22pm
  I’d be happy with the shutting up part regardless of whatever else they do.
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  Shyla0614mollymlf05
  2/12/16 7:16pm
  What’s with the oversharing? Why does the world care if they have sex or not?
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