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    PunditGuyTracy Moore
    2/14/16 1:54pm

    The reason? He cheated on her in a random one-night stand.

    Monogamy isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. But in my admittedly limited experience, people who cheat are just inherently cheaters. I’ve never known one to change stripes. (And I’ve got to admit to a certain amount of schadenfreude when people who met their spouses via cheating are shocked — shocked! — to find themselves cheated upon in a few years.)

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      MysteriousPunditGuy
      2/14/16 2:09pm

      You might be right about the once a cheater always a cheater thing. But in the sense that one is always an alcoholic. I myself am a cheater. I cheated on lots of boyfriends, I cheated on my husband. I didn't want to cheat, especially on my husband, I just got caught up in the whole thing. I clearly have issues with men and don't like people to be upset with me so if they expect sex they get sex. Anyway, I try. I see my triggers, I'm trying to avoid situations that open up cheating options and I hope to never do it again. So people can change. But sometimes not cheating isn't as easy as just not doing it.

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      SalomeSalamiPunditGuy
      2/14/16 2:15pm

      I suspect you might know a lot of folks in relationships where one person cheated, and they stayed together and didn’t cheat again. Those folks just might not be sharing you every detail of their personal lives.

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    DontBeSuchaBoobPunchTinaTracy Moore
    2/14/16 2:23pm

    Well, darn, I was hoping for an actual test we could take. Like Cosmo quizzes in the ‘80s and ‘90s! (Do they still do those? I bet they still do those.)

    I am very sure that my results would show that my two favorite cats and I are thoroughly compatible and destined to live happily ever after.

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      Kris-the-Needlessly-DefiantDontBeSuchaBoobPunchTina
      2/14/16 2:27pm

      BUT, would your relationship with your cats survive 40 stupid dates and raising a watermelon together?

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      DontBeSuchaBoobPunchTinaKris-the-Needlessly-Defiant
      2/14/16 2:32pm

      Ha! Yes. However, the watermelon might not survive it!

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    BrightEyesTracy Moore
    2/14/16 2:34pm

    Eh, I got married because I got pregnant, at 20. We married after our son was born when we were 21 and 22. Lots of hardships, to say the least. We learned (after the fact) that guests actually took bets as to how long our marriage would last. Six months was at the top end with a few being generous at one year. We are coming up on 23 years now and he is my best friend, my rock and the person I most want to be in my life. Is it hanging from the ceiling fucking and all the bells and whistles? No. What it is is the one person I know that will always have my back, no matter what. The man who has seen me go through life threatening illness, the man who held my hair back while I vomited, the man who still said I was beautiful afterwards even though he was lying. He still calls during the day just to hear my voice, when he travels for work he always sends me a text that reads “Can’t wait to see you”. That, THAT is what a good marriage is about. Many say the reliability and normalcy makes it boring and old. I don’t. I think it makes it wonderful and what I need in my life.

    Edit to add: Interestingly enough, it’s the man you feel the most comfortable with that you are most willing to explore with. We have done it all. I trust him and he trusts me. Married life is far from boring if you find the right person. Still don’t swing from chandeliers but yeah, it’s awesome.

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      jinniBrightEyes
      2/14/16 2:37pm

      🌷

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      crankylittlephotonBrightEyes
      2/14/16 2:47pm

      Reading this actually made me tear up (in a good way). Man, do I love to hear about happy marriages. Wishing you 23 more years of happiness!

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    Kris-the-Needlessly-DefiantTracy Moore
    2/14/16 2:03pm

    I have a relationship test that’s easier and free! Nurse each other through the stomach flu, if you can still be attracted to each other afterwards you're good to go.

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      Judgemental ChickensKris-the-Needlessly-Defiant
      2/14/16 2:17pm

      Mr. Chickens and I both got food poisoning on our honeymoon. We suffered through three days of agony, and realized that we really were great together.

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      vangoghsearKris-the-Needlessly-Defiant
      2/14/16 2:18pm

      Its true. Getting through a gross, barfy, poopy sickness together seems like “the moment” for a lot of couples. You’re vulnerable, you’re miserable, you’re tired . . .you’re really, really not sexy.

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    jinniTracy Moore
    2/14/16 2:31pm

    I’d like to read this.

    In theory, I understand that there are a variety of reasons for which people stray; but when it has happened to me, it feels as though my trust has been broken irrevocably: and it colours my sense of the other person forever more. I am not pleased to admit this: it seems immature and simplistic.

    To return to someone who has been unfaithful is incomprehensible to me (so far). It might be edifying to read as to how a couple can broach this, let go and heal.

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      Whiskeyprayerjinni
      2/14/16 2:34pm

      I’d rather just reread Moving On my Larry McMurtrey, which is basically the same thing. The ending is different, but the writing is bound to be better.

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      WarSparrowjinni
      2/14/16 2:52pm

      I don’t think it is immature or simplistic. Faithfulness is clearly important to you, and there is nothing wrong with that. There is also nothing wrong with wanting to understand someone else’s point of view, and it’s great that you are open to that experience, and are willing to consider learning how to forgive.

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    Adrastra, patron saint of snarkTracy Moore
    2/14/16 2:20pm

    I’m going to hijack this thread for a moment. Has anyone read yesterday’s NY Daily News article about Peyton Manning and the smear campaign against his alleged sexual assault victim?

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      Regina PhalangeAdrastra, patron saint of snark
      2/14/16 2:50pm

      I had no idea he’d even been accused. I just read the linked article, and I am just sick over it.

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      Adrastra, patron saint of snarkRegina Phalange
      2/14/16 2:53pm

      I didn’t either. I cannot imagine what that woman went through—the stuff at UT was bad enough, and then dealing with the defamation afterwards...he effectively destroyed her career.

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    LesbionicTracy Moore
    2/14/16 3:30pm

    How about the IKEA furniture building test? It’s a classic but still effective, if you can handle that you can handle anything.

    I went to the opera last week (I know, very classy, and it was wonderful), called Cosi fan tutte (They are all the same) by Mozart that actually is about infidelity by women. Two men decide to test the faithfullness of their fiancées by pretending to be called away to battle, only to seduce the fiancée of the other men disguised as a stranger. They ofcource succeed and chaos arises. In the end the ladies beg for forgiveness and the men dicide that the relationship is worth saving. No one discusses the deception of the men, but it was written in 1790... Foud a video with English subtitles here. It’s funny and filled with sexual innuendo. (Mozart, who else)

    And whether testing your relationship is a good idea? I think not, but I’ve been single for so long I don’t think I’m the best source for relationship advice.

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      WingardiumFuriosaLesbionic
      2/14/16 3:57pm

      With our actual Ikea furniture we haven’t had any issues, but one of the most frustrated my husband and I ever got with each other was trying to assemble a dresser from Ollie’s where one of the side panels was slightly warped and wouldn’t align properly.

      But we made it through and now we’re married and the dresser looks great and is holding up very well! :)

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      Ladyheatherlee 2016 EditionLesbionic
      2/14/16 4:19pm

      We did the IKEA test for V Day in 2003. Ordered in Chinese, drank some beers, built some furniture. It was fun.

      I guess we should have known that it was meant to be.

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    EldritchTracy Moore
    2/14/16 1:51pm

    Impossible. My relationship with Netflix has never been stronger.

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      DontBeSuchaBoobPunchTinaEldritch
      2/14/16 2:28pm

      Netflix will always be my one true love, but Hulu Plus is a pretty darned good friend. Let’s not throw out the baby with the bathwater!

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      CrispusAttacksEldritch
      2/14/16 4:00pm

      Yes! At least Netflix is reliable. And Netflix changes for me, it doesn’t try to change me.

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    crankylittlephotonTracy Moore
    2/14/16 2:49pm

    You can know someone day in, day out, love them completely and never really understand them. And still hate the way they fold a t-shirt. And still choose to stay.

    Damn, Tracy. You just summed up my marriage better than I ever could have.

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      goddessoftransitorycrankylittlephoton
      2/14/16 11:18pm

      My husband’s brain is a cross between a wonderland, a dollhouse, and random mangas churning around. I have no idea how shit forms in his head but he just now ran out to tell me all about how he came up with the idea of a pirate with two wooden legs called “Ol’ lumber legs” and that’s why I married him.

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      crankylittlephotongoddessoftransitory
      2/15/16 12:26pm

      He sounds pretty adorable.

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    steakhousefunyunTracy Moore
    2/14/16 2:18pm

    I suppose this article was supposed to make me like Brooke more, but that whole, “I cheat because I’m scared of my crazy-strong love feelings for you” is complete bullshit.

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      SalomeSalamisteakhousefunyun
      2/14/16 3:08pm

      I get it. People sabotaging their relationship because it gets too serious is pretty common. Just surprised it took four years. Unless they started dating in college. Then I get getting freaked out at year four.

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      steakhousefunyunSalomeSalami
      2/14/16 3:21pm

      Sabotaging it because it is too serious and they don’t WANT serious, I get. Sabotaging it because they are too much in love—TOO MUCH IN LOVE, I TELL YOU!—yeah, no. That’s a line.

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