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    Masshole JamesGabrielle Bluestone
    2/03/16 1:48pm

    No, Heidi does not find her husband charming. Y’all know what being married to Cruz has done to the poor woman, right? This man cannot be allowed near the White House, unless it’s on tour.

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      gmoatMasshole James
      2/03/16 1:54pm

      What has been redacted?

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      Your Name HereMasshole James
      2/03/16 1:55pm

      Holy Shit.

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    WWKDGabrielle Bluestone
    2/03/16 1:48pm

    It’s hilarious how completely unlikable he is to pretty much anyone and everyone who encounters him. I was listening to local NPR today and this guest the hosts were talking to kind of randomly mentioned she went to Harvard with him. She basically said he was the most aggressive know-it-all in an entire school of aggressive know-it-all’s.

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      Cherith CutestoryWWKD
      2/03/16 1:54pm

      My aunt plays poker with a dude who went to Harvard with him. He is super conservative, so politcally he isn’t opposed to him. But he HATES him. He also says everyone hated him.

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      AnnieBodyCherith Cutestory
      2/03/16 1:59pm

      Best quote ever on this was from his former freshman roommate.

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    Heath FilmoreGabrielle Bluestone
    2/03/16 1:48pm

    It must be like being married to that guy who thinks he’s funny because he quotes funny movie lines.

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      foolyooHeath Filmore
      2/03/16 1:55pm

      He only quotes Jim Carry and Adam Sandler movies from the 90's, is still doing “Smok’n!” like it’s relevant.

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      Ed SpockHeath Filmore
      2/03/16 2:20pm

      Watch it. You’d be shocked at how much tail I was able to land in college with my ability to rattle off lines from “Fletch” at the drop of hat.

      Of course the girls were usually totally shitfaced at the time....but still.

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    jokepitchGabrielle Bluestone
    2/03/16 1:54pm

    Cruz 2016: Do you really need to be doing this?!

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      Doofenschmirtz, Inc.jokepitch
      2/03/16 1:57pm

      That sounds more appropriate for Jeb Bush. Cruz is unemployed and has no other sources of income, so yeah he “needs” to be doing this.

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      jokepitchDoofenschmirtz, Inc.
      2/03/16 2:04pm

      Isn’t Cruz a sitting senator?

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    Tom Waits's Old HatGabrielle Bluestone
    2/03/16 1:46pm

    “He’ll call me and just sing me a Broadway tune,” Heidi Cruz volunteered to a rally yesterday in New Hampshire.

    I’ll bet it’s from crap like Cats.

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      Sorely VexedTom Waits's Old Hat
      2/03/16 1:49pm

      Well, it sure won’t be from Hamilton or West Side Story.

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      Cam/ronTom Waits's Old Hat
      2/03/16 1:53pm
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    SpringSprungGabrielle Bluestone
    2/03/16 1:50pm

    “Do you really need to be doing this?”

    Other instances Heidi has asked this question:

    Shutting down the government.

    Running for president.

    Kissing me in public.

    The sex to me.

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      logophobe's pointless patrolSpringSprung
      2/03/16 2:13pm

      The sex to ME

      The SEX to me

      The sex TO me

      This phrase is fucking amazing in so many ways

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      secretagentmanlogophobe's pointless patrol
      2/03/16 2:48pm

      The sex AT me.

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    WhiteMan'sBourbonGabrielle Bluestone
    2/03/16 1:49pm

    Ted Cruz always reminds me of the description of 19th-century serial killer H.H. Holmes in the book “Devil in the White City”: He seems like someone who carefully studies human behavior and then tries very hard to imitate it, but never gets it quite right.

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      LRonsCupboardWhiteMan'sBourbon
      2/03/16 2:41pm

      I’m reading that book RIGHT NOW and oh my god, now I can’t read it without picturing Ted Cruz as Holmes. Dammit.

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      CaptainWompusWhiteMan'sBourbon
      2/03/16 3:14pm

      This is my new favorite description of Ted Cruz. It beats out the “melting wax figure.”

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    token_liberalGabrielle Bluestone
    2/03/16 1:50pm

    Ted Cruz memorizing the Constitution is like Otto in A Fish Called Wanda reading philosophy. Neither understood the meaning.

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      Johnny Chunderstoken_liberal
      2/03/16 1:58pm

      That time he read Green Eggs and Ham still makes me shake my head. Like, how is it that you graduated from a prestigious law school and don’t understand the message of a 15-page children’s book?

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      festivusaziliJohnny Chunders
      2/03/16 2:02pm

      Wait, what?

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    Dave Gabrielle Bluestone
    2/03/16 1:57pm

    Report: Ted Cruz Actually More Annoying Than Previously Reported

    Hard to believe it is possible, but I suspect it is only scratching the surface.

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      Ed SpockDave
      2/03/16 2:16pm

      Aren’t we going to eventually hit an absolute on how big a doosh he is? Like the speed of light?

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      DR honkhonkhonk, tyvmEd Spock
      2/03/16 2:31pm

      I’d like a song about this. Maybe by They Might Be Giants.

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    StrizoGabrielle Bluestone
    2/03/16 1:47pm

    Ted Cruz looks like he’s wearing someone elses face and it doesn’t fit properly.

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      Ed SpockStrizo
      2/03/16 2:21pm

      I do kind of expect him to pull it off at any moment and for Tom Cruise to be under there.

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