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    IkerCatsillasTracy Moore
    2/07/16 3:39pm

    The letter writer puts this issue in the proper perspective, for me.

    You don’t want to have any secrets from your own spouse about your personal life? Fine. But I, as your friend, sure as shit do want to have secrets from your spouse, so I’d appreciate it if you and I could have a method of communication that I know he’s not reading as well. That’s not about your privacy, but my own.

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      PinkiePieIkerCatsillas
      2/07/16 3:46pm

      If someone chooses to share everything with their spouse, that’s their choice. They do, however, have an obligation to tell you this so that you can choose a different confidante.

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      Ladyheatherlee 2016 EditionIkerCatsillas
      2/07/16 3:49pm

      Yup. I ran into this with a group of friends a while back. We are spread out all over two countries so we made a small Facebook group to chat to each other in. We share everything. Really personal stuff. Then we found out that the one girl’s jealous husband had access to her Facebook account and was reading our group chats. :| Not cool.

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    rockoutwithyourbockoutTracy Moore
    2/07/16 3:44pm

    I think this is totally normal for older people. My in laws are in their mid-70s and they share pretty much everything. They have a primary cell phone (that my MiL usually uses), a primary email, and used to have 1 account on FB but now they have separate accounts. They still have a small business that runs from their home and my MiL runs the business side as she’s an accountant. I think it’s easier for them.

    For the people in my age group or my husband’s age group (late 20s to mid 30s), I find this bizarre! I have had facebook since I got a college acceptance to a connected school in 2005! He had it a little bit after since he is older and didn’t have it in college. Neither of us is willing to give up an online identity. We MET online FFS. I trust him and he trusts me. We both closed our OKC accounts together haha. That’s been the extent of me monitoring his accounts and vice-versa.

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      jinnirockoutwithyourbockout
      2/07/16 3:51pm

      When you get older, this makes a lot of sense. Having so many variables in different places when the brain might not be functioning as sharply as it used to is a godsend. And one partner can help remind the other of doctor’s appointments and so on....

      When my former landlady’s husband died, she was sure she had entered dementia, overnight. But it wasn’t that. It was that they talked about everything, and so constantly reminded each other of their schedules and so on.... Alone, she did not have those constant reaffirmations.

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      Marlene Freaktrickjinni
      2/07/16 4:23pm

      I feel like no one here is actually upset when it’s an older couple for all of those reasons. It’s the ones that aren’t and are just weird that bothers me.

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    Dr. ZoidbergTracy Moore
    2/07/16 3:36pm

    To the advice-seeker: Try calling your brother on this thing called a phone. What’s important enough for only your brother to know but not important enough to have a five minute conversation?

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      IkerCatsillasDr. Zoidberg
      2/07/16 3:43pm

      I wouldn’t be comfortable talking to my sibling on the phone if I knew that their partner was always going to be listening in there, either.

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      Dr. ZoidbergIkerCatsillas
      2/07/16 3:48pm

      I’d rather have a relationship with my brothers than be paranoid.

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    steakhousefunyunTracy Moore
    2/07/16 3:53pm

    Legit question from An Old:

    If email is not the way the younger generation prefers to do business communication, what is? I get the casual/social thing being varying social platforms, but as someone who regularly does business and courts clients 15-20 years her junior, what should I do instead of using email for business communication?

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      wishforagiraffesteakhousefunyun
      2/07/16 4:03pm

      i think it somewhat depends on the sort of business you do, but having your email address/phone number/website/facebook page (that is updated regularly!) on your card is what seems reasonable to me. i’m 27, and i typically will “like” a facebook page to keep up with a business, then email/call/visit the website when i’m ready to use the service or product

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      Marlene Freaktricksteakhousefunyun
      2/07/16 4:28pm

      Yeah I don’t know about that part, I think most people for business are still using email a fair bit. They probably also use other things like text, and social media. But it’s not obsolete by far.

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    Ladyheatherlee 2016 EditionTracy Moore
    2/07/16 3:46pm

    Haaaaate it. Joint Facebook accounts. WHY. I don't even know who is talking. Is it too much work to maintain your own account? Do you think you will be immune to cheating if you share something on the Internet? I will never understand.

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      freya_kahloLadyheatherlee 2016 Edition
      2/07/16 3:51pm

      I’ve noticed when it’s younger people sharing a Facebook account with a name like “RobandAshley Smith” It’s always Ashley and never Rob who is using it. There are a number of accounts like this that post in my local neighborhood group, and I always ask “is this Rob or Ashley who is commenting?”... it’s freaking annoying, Ashley just get your own account and leave Rob out of it. (Names changed to protect the annoying.)

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      Ladyheatherlee 2016 Editionfreya_kahlo
      2/07/16 3:52pm

      Ashley just reeeeeally wants you to know that she's attached.

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    Cylontater: Luke Skywalker's Baby MamaTracy Moore
    2/07/16 3:37pm

    This whole concept gives me anxiety. I am individual and I can’t fathom presenting myself online as anything more (or less) than myself.

    I may be alone in this but maybe it comes down to trust. The only couples I know who share a Facebook account have MASSIVE trust issues and only share an account since one or both can’t completely trust each other.

    TL;DR; Joint profiles are weird but to each his own.

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      Cereal MonogamistCylontater: Luke Skywalker's Baby Mama
      2/07/16 3:48pm

      Same here - I know a handful of people that do this, and all but one are because of trust or past cheating issues. It seems like such a huge red flag to me.

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      CorporalTrimCylontater: Luke Skywalker's Baby Mama
      2/07/16 3:54pm

      Or the people involved absolutely trust each other. My spouse and I have a joint email account (separate work accounts of course). It’s a result of convenience, the fact that we have had the damn account forever, and he has always been an early adopter of technologies and I have always lagged. It was easy. And we never read each other’s email unless one of us directs the other to do so. I know damn well he won’t check anything directed to me. I check his sometimes, because he asks me to.

      I’m older, yes, but I’ve had some pretty damn personal conversations with friends over the years via email—nobody edits anything. My friends know that we have this shared inbox, but they also know my spouse isn’t checking things. And if they don’t trust my spouse, well, that’s a problem in that relationship.

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    I am calm, but thanksTracy Moore
    2/07/16 3:36pm

    My parents do this. They are both over 60 and use email for household business (bills and stuff) and communication with their kids. I think it’s weird, but if I want to communicate with one of the privately, I just pick up the fucking phone and call that parent. If it’s my mom, I can text her. My dad simply declines to text and he won’t change so I call him.

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      EldritchI am calm, but thanks
      2/07/16 3:49pm

      My parents are the same way. My mother is nearing 70 and wants nothing to do with a computer. She can manage to go on and read People magazine, but that’s it. She only learned to text this year. Neither or them do online banking or have debit cards. Still write checks for everything. My father refuses to text but he uses the email the most. We got him an iPad for Christmas a few years ago and he’s never once updated the software but loves it to pieces.

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      helgaperezI am calm, but thanks
      2/07/16 4:27pm

      My husband and I have a shared email account for household business, but it forwards to our individual accounts so we both get the messages.

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    ChumtheburnerTracy Moore
    2/07/16 6:40pm

    This type of thing makes me furious. My mom’s brother isn’t “allowed” to talk to my mother without supervision and there was a period of time she thought she was texting him and was so happy! She was talking to her brother again! And then found out she was texting the bitch sister-in-law pretending to be him. (The sister-in-law was hoping my mom would say something mean about her she could use to cut her off for good, which of course my mother never would, she’s the sweetest person on the planet.) She was heartbroken. I want that bitch’s head on a platter.

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      madmadammimChumtheburner
      2/07/16 7:50pm

      WTF. What a horrible person.

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      Gimme Some SugarChumtheburner
      2/07/16 7:51pm

      Start with your uncle’s . He’s a grown man allowing his spouse to tell him he “has” to hurt and estrange himself from the sister he grew up with. The only one truly allowing this to happen, is him.

      But then, my mother raised my sibs and I with the rule that only blood is forever family (i.e. whether you like ‘em or not). Spouses are more like honored guests.

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    MishaBishaTracy Moore
    2/07/16 3:43pm

    My husband and I each have private accounts and we have a joint one which is for junk mail. So if you want me to sign up for your mailing list then you get the joint account. Keeps the personal accounts from getting too full of spam.

    I’m 38 & he’s 34, for reference.

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      dcgirl13MishaBisha
      2/07/16 3:51pm

      Lots of couples I know have a joint “household management account.” It gets things like ebills and junk mail. That seems very different to me than a joint account you email with actual people. My godparents who are in their 80s have one and only one account

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      hannazmumdcgirl13
      2/07/16 4:05pm

      My husband and I set up a household management account where all the bills go. It’s so awesome. It’s also our joint calendar and cloud storage. It makes it so easy for us both to be on top of bills, etc. and not to schedule over each other, after we did it I wondered why we didn’t do it sooner! But we also have our own personal email accounts for everything else because no privacy in your email communications is insane. And joint social media accounts are super gross.

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    deerlady83Tracy Moore
    2/07/16 3:44pm

    I have heard of a couple with a shared Facebook profile who talk to each other through it. That is so odd.

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      I am calm, but thanksdeerlady83
      2/07/16 3:47pm

      That’s really just bizarre.

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      HoedownInMotowndeerlady83
      2/07/16 3:50pm

      My cousin and his wife do this. I will never understand why/how 2 people can be sitting next to each other and using FB to communicate through the same account. Weird.

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