Discussion
  • Read More
    Blueberry JonesClover Hope
    1/20/16 12:42pm

    I was one of these women. I talked to Beth and Judy last night. It was fairly recent. I was hard to talk about.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      darleeeeeene aka deraaiilleeeeeeneBlueberry Jones
      1/20/16 12:44pm

      I’m so sorry this happened to you. I admire your strength to talk about it.

      ((internet hugs))

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      Blueberry Jonesdarleeeeeene aka deraaiilleeeeeene
      1/20/16 12:51pm

      Thanks. :)

      It’s been hard because while I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment and am grossed out by what happened, it’s also insane that I am the one feeling this way. Not him. He displayed very little remorse in his “statement”. I also know people tied to this company who are good people and it’s hard to tell or decide whether they knew or were in the dark or were put in a position where they felt they had no choice and couldn’t speak up about it and it’s been a very weird situation. I can’t really get too specific about it without letting on how exactly close to this situation I was.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    FlashlightningClover Hope
    1/20/16 1:00pm

    I completely identify with being able to staunchly stick up for other women when this shit happens but not for myself. Interesting to read it's not just me.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      Blueberry JonesFlashlightning
      1/20/16 1:11pm

      Same. I know a lot of these women and was so angry and felt sick for them, but when it came time to talk about my story with this dude, I clammed up and felt like I was going to hurl and like if I told my story that someone would say something to discredit me (like I was at fault) and no one would believe me. It’s a really awful feeling.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      Brene BrawnFlashlightning
      1/20/16 1:14pm

      Our brains respond to threats differently. When it's someone else being harmed, the trauma is secondary, and easier to work through with the distance. When it's us, personally, it's a lot harder to get out of the fight/flight/freeze response.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    IBeforeEExceptAfterCClover Hope
    1/20/16 12:40pm

    Berru didn’t respond to an email I sent to his personal account requesting comment or to multiple phone calls, but early on Wednesday, he released a statement in which he admitted to drug and alcohol problems. In this statement, Berru addresses the women who’ve accused him generally but does not go into specifics, and he states that he’s seeking help in the form of rehab.

    Straight out of the Famous Scumbag Playbook. Funny, I’ve been drunk/high many times and never felt compelled to sexually assault someone like this guy or yell racial shit like Mel Gibson or Karmer. Life is weird, I guess.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      Snacky_OnassisIBeforeEExceptAfterC
      1/20/16 12:49pm

      Totally. I’ve done things I’ve been embarrassed about while drunk, but nothing that violent or damaging to another person.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      BklnChickenIBeforeEExceptAfterC
      1/20/16 12:59pm

      I have a friend who used to be a blackout drunk. One day when he came to, he realized he had been in a fight. His friends told him he had started it and that the other guy was hurt, too. You know what he did? He stopped drinking. In all the years subsequent to that — and they’ve been hard — he never picked up a drink.

      So fuck off, Heathcliff.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    JennySaysClover Hope
    1/20/16 12:58pm

    To be clear, while my conduct may have been inappropriate, I have never drugged anyone or engaged in that type of behavior.

    The new defense of sexual predators: “hey, I’m not as bad as Bill Cosby.”

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      SolongeFarewellJennySays
      1/20/16 2:06pm

      “I never kidnapped anyone. I just used business contracts and employment with my company as an implied obligation to fuck me.”

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      TheRevanchistJennySays
      1/20/16 2:36pm

      Heathcliff Huxtable is more like it.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    cats not kidsClover Hope
    1/20/16 1:23pm

    Nobody talks about the freeze response enough. We hear about fight or flight, but never freeze. I was running in a park last Saturday morning when a guy tried to grab my ass as I ran by. I saw it coming and smacked his hand away, but then kept running for another 50 yards before I could process it. Then I froze, burst into tears, & walked home crying. There were other people around, I could have yelled or asked for help or shouted in his face. It’s what I would do if I saw another woman get groped. But I was fully unprepared for it to happen to me.

    I’m so glad these women have spoken out. The more we call out these instances of everyday assault - the groping, the touching, the smelling, the stuff that doesn’t get its own SVU episode - the more we bring it out of the shadows and stop normalizing it.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      some obscure referencecats not kids
      1/20/16 2:10pm

      When I’ve been in situations like that, I can feel my brain going, “Wait, WHAT just happened? Does not immediately compute. Additional resources required. Stand by while I divert processing resources from the body.”

      By the time my body can take action, the creep is usually long gone.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      cats not kidssome obscure reference
      1/20/16 2:57pm

      Pretty much! I was across the street from a fire station — totally could have gone in there for help but then I thought about walking in there in tears & was too embarrassed to even do that. THAT DOES NOT EVEN MAKE SENSE! I wish I had done so many things looking back on it, but I’ll just have to save those responses for the next time someone attempts to grab me. (Which I say slightly in jest but I’m not too naive to think it will never happen to me again.)

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    Mike Pipper Super GIF EnthusiastClover Hope
    1/20/16 12:37pm
    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      AnnegretPearlMike Pipper Super GIF Enthusiast
      1/20/16 12:47pm

      Life or Death has a zero tolerance policy for the type of conduct alleged in today’s on-line postings. We take these allegations very seriously.

      yeah- well..BULLSHIT. They knew and looked the other way.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      OvariesOfDiamondAnnegretPearl
      1/20/16 1:02pm

      STARS FOR YOU

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    HanoumatoiClover Hope
    1/20/16 2:55pm

    What an asshole. This isn’t about his drug use or drinking, this is about his belief that he deserves whatever he wants, and women are objects. Without addressing that, fixing the drinking is just polishing the turd. He needs to take responsibility for the behaviors, not hide behind his drug and alcohol use. Lots of people do those things and somehow manage not to assault other people.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      AnglKatHanoumatoi
      1/20/16 2:59pm

      It INFURIATES me when people blame drinking for their bad behavior. Alcohol doesn’t make people do things that they don’t want to do.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    halenawwwClover Hope
    1/20/16 1:27pm

    “I am deeply sorry for those who I have offended by my actions and how I have made certain women feel. If I crossed the line of decency or respectfulness in situations when I was drunk and under the influence, there is no excuse of course. To be clear, while my conduct may have been inappropriate, I have never drugged anyone or engaged in that type of behavior.”

    No dude, you didn’t “offend” anyone, you traumatized them!

    Fuck this guy so hard

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      crankylittlephotonClover Hope
      1/20/16 12:43pm

      Thank you, Amber. That took a lot of guts, and you’ve done a lot of good. It’s incredible how protected these powerful assholes are, and it’s gratifying to see that they are not invulnerable.

      Reply
      <
      • Read More
        the srazClover Hope
        1/20/16 1:59pm

        “There are situations where you’re partying with someone and they try to put their dick in your mouth and you say no and they keep doing it and you never say anything,” she says. “I think those are important stories to tell.”

        The waves of reactions I had in response to this, which came crashing one after the other in rapid succession:

        1. We all use second person too much.

        2. UM, HELLO, maybe she’s trying to dispel the impact of what she experienced by fanning it out across a general “you”. Second person is a defense against re-traumatizing herself.

        3. No, actually, for female-bodied and -identified people, shit like this actually happens too much. Second person is entirely appropriate.

        Reply
        <
        • Read More
          AnglKatthe sraz
          1/20/16 2:57pm

          Yeah, my immediate reaction when I read that was “that’s really sad that this happens so much that second person is totally appropriate.”

          Reply
          <