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    lunchcomaTracy Moore
    1/16/16 2:58pm

    Eh. To the extent I have sympathy for these guys, it’s because they were lied to a little bit. Just because you can have kids forever doesn’t mean you’ll be able to find a woman who’s young enough to be able to do the couple years of dating/year of engagement/year or two of childless marriage and still have biological kids who also meets your other standards and who’s interested in you. Women get a harsh dose of that reality fairly early in life and at least have an opportunity to make plans. I think men are sometimes told that if they’re successful enough, they can always find someone young to have kids with.

    Beyond that, I’d say those guys should look at what their female peers are doing. If a traditional family is what’s most important, maybe it’s time for a career and lifestyle change so you have time to work on that. Or, maybe it’s time to think about less traditional ways to have children in your life, or to reconsider how long you need to be involved with someone before agreeing to raise a child or whether that person needs to be your soulmate. That’s not crowing or laughing at these guys but genuine advice. You’re not necessarily going to get everything you want in life. The world doesn’t usually tell this to men, but that doesn’t mean they’re exempt.

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      Sarolunchcoma
      1/16/16 3:12pm

      Reproductive health certainly declines for men too, even if they don’t go through a grand shutting-down of the facilities. Genetic quality of sperm decreases with age, and may be a risk factor for various genetic disorders, miscarriage, etc.

      ETA: I don’t really feel all that sorry for these guys, and I’m not saying that just because their reproductive health declines they should be coddled or given excessive sympathy or whatever. But genetics is my thing and I like sharing bits of it when I can.

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      lunchcomaSaro
      1/16/16 3:19pm

      Oh, absolutely. Though I don’t think these guys are at the point where they’ve considered that at all and think of fertility as something that affects only women. I think the problem is basically, that what they want requires that they date a woman who’s under 30, and that they’re not even positioning themselves very well to meet and attract the sort of 28-year-old who’s eager to settle down and willing to consider a guy who’s 40.

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    jinniTracy Moore
    1/16/16 2:55pm

    So ugh.

    “Well, I guess I have to find a young female! With a working reproductive system! Sorry, age-appropriate ladies, you need not apply!”

    As if we didn’t know.

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      Kaetejinni
      1/16/16 3:17pm

      Never mind that your sperm are going to be a problem too, buddy. The male biological clock ticks along too, even if it's less obvious.

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      HijabiRockstarjinni
      1/16/16 3:21pm

      ‘When I consider someone to marry, I have to find someone young enough to have children,” he says. “And the age difference...”

      Translation: He has to go down to the meat market and scan the goods to find a breeder young and pretty enough to reproduce with.

      Ugh... I feel a little icky.

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    Kris-the-Needlessly-DefiantTracy Moore
    1/16/16 3:09pm

    This is another example of how a sense of entitlement can embitter people. Just because you decide you WANT a family at a certain age doesn’t mean you’re going to automatically get one.

    Personal experience with this, my brother in law was just diagnosed with depression and he’s very vocal about his anger about not having a wife and kids. For years I’ve heard him blather on about how he’d never date a fat woman, a woman of a different race, an older woman, etc. Soooo, I don't have much sympathy for dudes who whine about this type of shit.

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      tulipsyKris-the-Needlessly-Defiant
      1/16/16 3:27pm

      That’s exactly it; these quotes ring of entitlement to me, which is why I have no sympathy. Mentioned:

      - Finding a younger woman to have kids with

      - Having sex with randoms while time is running out (to have a wife and kids) jeez wonder why??

      - I was partying before but I’m over that now; where is the woman that will immediately bear my child!?

      The funny thing is that this generation of men who likely would have dropped a lot of their female peers due to commitment issues will now look for younger women; leaving women their age with a more diminished possibility of having children themselves.

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      Rooo sez BISH PLZKris-the-Needlessly-Defiant
      1/16/16 3:53pm

      Plus he sounds like he’d be just a ... stellar partner.

      Let’s say he finds someone. How long is it going to take for him to take that kind of anger out on her for some random reason? And how is it guys don’t seem to know that women do look for a little emotional stability in someone with whom they plan to parent, generally ...?

      These dudes’ general lack of foresight just ... never ceases to amaze me.

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    Emma GolddiggerTracy Moore
    1/16/16 3:24pm

    I sympathize with these guys, except the Lee douche who feels entitled to a fertile young thing (FYT) but is worried his friends will judge him. Why not? It sucks when you’re getting older and all your friends are partnering up and starting families and everyone at bars and shows is younger than you and you realize your plans for having kids have to get a little more concrete than “Sometime, in the distant future, and wouldn’t it be hilarious if I named them Qwertyuiop and Pussy Galore?” and you start worrying that the perfect life and partner you were waiting for before you started a family are never gonna happen for you. It’s not the most tragic plight in the world, and women hit that phase a lot earlier than men do, but it still sucks.

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      CrispusAttacksEmma Golddigger
      1/16/16 3:39pm

      I think part of it depends on how a person ends up in this sort of situation. If it’s men or women like the Lee guy that feel they are entitled to either some young woman or a guy making a certain salary, then it’s their own entltiement that’s the problem. They aren’t nopen to trying to have a relationship with people because of their unrealistic standards.

      At the same time, there’s a difference between an entitlement to unrealistic standards and not being willing to settle. Personally speaking, given how many marriages end in divorce, I am not going to settle just to settle down. I’d like a good relationship that will last, with a woman who will contribute just as much into it as I do. That’s not easy to find. Just as it’s not easy for women to find guys without settling. And I don’t think you can really blame someone for holding out for a GOOD relationship.

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      anyah8sbunniesEmma Golddigger
      1/16/16 3:56pm

      Yeah, unfortunately reading this ... I saw a lot of myself in this article. Not the “finding a young thing to procreate with” but the guys who who were talking about meeting someone. It gets hard...

      Especially when every dickhead you meet still just wants to have a fuckbuddy with no commitment. Even the 30 and 40 somethings, especially those guys. I empathise with their frustration ... but at the same point, they’re still out there doing the same thing they’ve always done.

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    TheGoodBeanTracy Moore
    1/16/16 3:00pm

    The familial pressure to get married and procreate does become intense for women probably around age 25 (ish?), or at least that's when it started for me. In my own life my mom, a nurse, will seemingly randomly mention that at 30, I’m running out of time. Also I’m leaving for Peace Corps in 4 months and the question I’ve been asked most, beyond where I’m going, is if I wonder if I’ll meet someone and come back married. People seem to care deeply about this for whatever reason.

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      mental icebergTheGoodBean
      1/16/16 3:02pm

      Congrats on joining the Peace Corp. That is extremely admirable!

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      TheGoodBeanmental iceberg
      1/16/16 3:04pm

      Thanks! I'm excited

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    tulipsyTracy Moore
    1/16/16 3:19pm

    No sympathy whatsoever. The first guy that you mention - the hair dresser admits that one option is to go out and have sex with a random girl. Maybe if he treated women as human emotional beings worthy of investing time and energy in getting to know instead of an “option” he wouldn’t be the single guy with a bunch of married friends.

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      Selfie-conscioustulipsy
      1/16/16 3:43pm

      This comment needs more stars and to be higher up the kew.

      The reason these guys are single is that they don’t see potential partners as partners. Just something else to acquire. Wife, check. Kids, check.

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      Jammy DodgerSelfie-conscious
      1/16/16 4:20pm

      *queue

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    Ari Schwartz: Dark Lord of the SnarkTracy Moore
    1/16/16 3:47pm

    I feel bad for lonely people who aren’t outright bad people, but I meet a lot of lonely men who simply impose impossible standards on their “dream girl” and trap themselves in loneliness by their own accord. Granted, this isn’t limited to men, but I feel (don’t know, just feel) like more men inflict impossible standards than women.

    Comeuppance at the price of people’s lifetime well-being seems a bit unnecessary, but maybe these guys will serve as messengers to younger men— stop being an asshole about your absurd expectations and start treating relationships as partnership building exercises in an otherwise cold, lonely world.

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      GELLA - LLAPAri Schwartz: Dark Lord of the Snark
      1/16/16 3:48pm

      yes i met way too many of that kind

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      Slay.douché - (dreams to be a puppy)Ari Schwartz: Dark Lord of the Snark
      1/16/16 4:54pm

      “partnership building exercises in an otherwise cold, lonely world.”

      Exactly - though, it’s likely a somewhat universal flawed human instinct to enjoy being life of the party, adored by many etc. (The culture surely deifies narcissism at the moment.)

      The thing is *nothing* in this fleeting life lasts for long, especially not in the super-disposable age. Many don’t learn to treasure connection until the super-popular party years dry up - (at which point, most people in the same boat are just too jaded and cynical to really “connect” at a deep level anymore).

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    Octopit didn't choose the burrito life, the burrito life chose octopit.Tracy Moore
    1/16/16 3:07pm

    pondering his next move: Call up his friends who all have kids are in for the night? Or venture out alone, “grab a girl,” have sex—only to wake up with a ragingly unproductive headache in the morning?

    AW, that poor, poor baby. His two options are bother his friends or have meaningless sex and get a booze induced headache!

    Listen, when these dudes are really scared and making 37 online dating profiles while taking singles cooking classes and speed dating then maybe I will give a shit. They are not TRYING to find the person they are going to spend their life with, they are going to fucking bars and when they don;t meet THE PERSON they choose a ‘girl’ (jesus fucking christ) to fuck. Great. COOL. Where as the women I have seen are all wondering if they should re-open their dating profiles even though only perverts message them and asking what else they can try because they don’t want to die a lonely spinster. Fuck off, dudes.

    Oh and to be clear, I would like very much to die a lonely spinster. My cats are better than guys A FACT WHICH I am constantly reminded of with articles like this.

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      CrispusAttacksOctopit didn't choose the burrito life, the burrito life chose octopit.
      1/16/16 3:26pm

      But this is exactly the entitled attitude that this piece shows is bogus. You’re acting the same wqay that some of these guys are: the idea that there’s no one good out there. It’s the OTHER gender’s fault and not your own.

      There are tons and tons of successful, available single guys out there. JUST AS there are women out for these guys.It’s just a matter of putting in some type of effort and getting rid of that entitled attitude that the everyone else needs to cater to you.

      In other words, stop externalizing blame.

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      Octopit didn't choose the burrito life, the burrito life chose octopit.CrispusAttacks
      1/16/16 3:32pm

      No. I said the article reminds me that my cats are better not that the reason I WANT to be alone and a spinster is because there are no ‘good guys’. I want to be alone because I have no interest in being with another human being. I have no interest in having anyone take on my EXTREMMMME amount of baggage and honestly? I do not want to take on another humans baggage. I am not equipped for a relationship, I do not think I ever will be. My choice has nothing to do with lack of available men/women it has everything to do with ME.

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    Slay.douché - (dreams to be a puppy)Tracy Moore
    1/16/16 2:54pm

    Yet perhaps some people’s wait “to get serious” is that they see so few 20-something marriages *last* - and are actually trying to know themselves better before the plunge?

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      AltairaMorbius2200ADSlay.douché - (dreams to be a puppy)
      1/16/16 2:56pm

      I’m really curious about how this will go down in my own life. I only see one of my friends really getting divorced from her husband ever, and that’s just mean speculation on my part at this point. Maybe it’s just that I’m still in the “making babies” phase of things, and it will come later?

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      LadyologySlay.douché - (dreams to be a puppy)
      1/16/16 3:01pm

      That’s the logical reason to wait until one’s 30s, not to stay single into one’s 40s and then portray one’s life as a Greek tragedy.

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    SqarrTracy Moore
    1/16/16 3:06pm

    We don’t.

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      SnapTestSqarr
      1/16/16 3:10pm

      Concise. Accurate.

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      Rooo sez BISH PLZSqarr
      1/16/16 3:55pm

      We didn’t last week either.

      I’m going to guess we also might not next week.

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