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    Emerald D.V.Allie Jones
    12/28/15 5:18pm

    “What happens in Cabo stays in Cabo.”

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      Jamie Lynn's PeersEmerald D.V.
      12/28/15 5:48pm

      Except when Riker gives you syphilis.

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      Emerald D.V.Jamie Lynn's Peers
      12/28/15 5:55pm

      Holo-syphilis clears up as soon as you leave the holodeck.

      Besides, it’s the 24th century. Just have Crusher spray something in your neck and get back to laying space pipe in every sector from here to Tau Alpha C.

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    a seahorseAllie Jones
    12/28/15 5:13pm

    To be fair, her body language is very defensive towards him. Though that’s probably partially because he smells of rotting cabbage and urinals.

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      Cylontater: Genital Whisperera seahorse
      12/28/15 5:15pm

      No, he’s made of rotting cabbage and urinals.

      That’s why he smells like that.

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      Krillin & Chillin, Oatin & BoatinCylontater: Genital Whisperer
      12/28/15 5:16pm

      Beat me to it.

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    Cardinal Fan/FelonAllie Jones
    12/28/15 6:34pm

    Sorry. I accidentally clicked on this story as the main page loaded. My apologies.

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      logophobe, desperate dadCardinal Fan/Felon
      12/28/15 6:37pm

      YAY now we’re locked in for another 500 glorious Days!

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      KaidogCardinal Fan/Felon
      12/28/15 7:03pm

      And you ‘accidentally’ typed thirteen words, forming a grammatically correct and semantically meaningful expression.

      Admit it. You’ve been lurking. You want to hang out with us.

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    tornadoslackssAllie Jones
    12/28/15 5:10pm

    That close and she didn't kick him in the nuts? So disappointed.

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      Cylontater: Genital Whisperertornadoslackss
      12/28/15 5:22pm

      To be fair it’s hard to balance in heels and kick someone in the nuts simultaneously.

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      tornadoslackssCylontater: Genital Whisperer
      12/28/15 5:49pm

      I bet LC could do it.

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    NefertittiesAllie Jones
    12/28/15 5:10pm

    But what does LVP think?!

    (Lisa Vanderpump for the uninitiated. And should you be counted among the uninitiated, for shame. Deep, deep shame.)

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      stacyinbeanNefertitties
      12/28/15 5:15pm

      Isn’t the real question what Giggy thinks? You know he’s right out of the frame here.

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      melliemNefertitties
      12/28/15 5:16pm
      GIF
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    Richard CardenasAllie Jones
    12/28/15 5:13pm

    This headline is Gawker 2015 distilled.

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      LetsgobowlingRichard Cardenas
      12/28/15 5:16pm

      It’s a good news/bad news deal.

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      Emerald D.V.Richard Cardenas
      12/28/15 5:41pm

      It needs something about class war and it’d be perfect.

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    melliemAllie Jones
    12/28/15 5:12pm

    Jeff Esq. has advised Krist not to endorse any presidential candidate, but I believe that our gurl would not support somebody with such a bad haircut.

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      a seahorsemelliem
      12/28/15 5:15pm

      he’s the prototype for secret bangs!!!

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      melliema seahorse
      12/28/15 5:19pm

      omg you’re right, look what I found in Jeff’s file!

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    VerrryinterestingAllie Jones
    12/28/15 6:00pm

    How will “The Hills” alums be voting in February 2016? Given the new editorial direction, I’m surprised Jezebel hasn’t explored this extensively. Here are my predictions:

    Lauren Conrad - Hillary Clinton, because “I think she’s an outstanding role model for young women.”

    Lo Bosworth - Hillary Clinton, because “Lauren thinks she’s an outstanding role model for young women.”

    Brody Jenner - Jeb Bush, because “Listen. If there’s one thing the BJ understands, it’s Bush. Get it? Bush. Like vaginas! And when it comes to Bush, I’m all about filling in that box. Get it?! Bush!!”

    Heidi Montag Pratt - Mike Huckabee, because “I’m tired of living in a world where all we do is complain about bad stuff like poverty, and war, and brown people. You know? It’s like Blaaah! Stop depressing me already! Mike Huckabee only cares about Jesus and some other stuff maybe, so, like, yayyy!”

    Spencer Pratt - Rand Paul, because “He’s got some ideas, man. Ideas I can really get behind.”

    Audrina Patridge - Barack Obama, because “He seems like a sweet guy with a good heart.”

    Stephanie Pratt - Chris Christie, because “His first name’s part of his last name? What’s up with that? I’ve got to vote for him now.”

    Justin Bobby - Vermin Supreme, because “I dunno, man. It’s all bullshit anyway, right? It’s like: fuck it. See, life...see, life’s like a rain cloud turned upside down. So...might as well wear a boot on your head, right? I dunno. (Spits).”

    Whitney Port: Bernie Sanders, because “The glasses say 'Let's get to work.' But the hair says 'I've been working since four this morning.' He has some great ideas about Syria. Oh, and I love his old man suits! (Giggles)."

    Kristin Cavallari - Donald Trump, because “He’s totally rocking my secret bangs.”

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      Krillin & Chillin, Oatin & BoatinVerrryinteresting
      12/28/15 6:21pm
      GIF
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      VerrryinterestingKrillin & Chillin, Oatin & Boatin
      12/28/15 8:03pm

      He should be Vermin Supreme’s running mate. The campaign slogan writes itself:

      Justin Bobby: A Vice President so great he needs two terms.

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    moose trutherAllie Jones
    12/28/15 5:12pm

    Kristin was not invited to be a judge this year because...who knows?

    GIF
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      a seahorsemoose truther
      12/28/15 5:15pm

      PURE EVIL

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      ThatFatScatCatmoose truther
      12/28/15 5:20pm

      ConRAAAAAAAAAD!

      *shakes fist at sky*

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    bloodlesscoupAllie Jones
    12/28/15 5:56pm

    Day 337:

    First day back at work since the 18th, and it’s glorious(ly awful).

    Anyone have grandiose plans for the new year? I plan to try and develop my stand-up act (I’ve done a few open mic nights but I really need to TRY HARDER if SNL is going to hire me as a writer), and live more of the life Oprah believes I can.

    And try making baked potato soup.

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      Pumibellicose Ibloodlesscoup
      12/28/15 6:10pm

      I never have grandiose plans. I bet laundry and clipping my toenails is about as grand as it gets for me this year!

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      ad infinitumbloodlesscoup
      12/28/15 7:19pm

      My plans involve spending more time playing with my dogs, keeping my apartment cleaner, and giving people the benefit of the doubt instead of immediately assuming ill intent. The last two are pretty damned grandiose!

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