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    VonQuesoMarie Lodi
    12/24/15 8:08pm

    I am flying 100% solo tonight. Just me and a pizza.

    However, I don’t think I’ve posted this yet, so Ima go for it now—I AM KNOCKED UP, JEZEBEL. 3.5 months. And it’s pretty cool. That is all.

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      yonofuifueteteVonQueso
      12/24/15 8:10pm

      Congrats on future VonQuesito! <3

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      Socks Are My Favorite ClothesVonQueso
      12/24/15 8:10pm

      Congrats!!! Merry Christmas, and enjoy the pizza!

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    Dali Lana Goo-GooMarie Lodi
    12/25/15 1:14am

    My Christmas prank? I’m running away from my family. No, I really am and please try not to judge me for it too harshly. I’ll explain as best as I can, but only so much can be relayed without parts missing and my fingers getting cramped from typing.

    Okay, so I’m not a regular on the scene(hello depression!), but I’ve mention a few times that I have a complicated family life. Long story short(not that short, but I’ll try), my only sibling passed away , leaving me to take of sib’s teenaged child and our mother, who was verbally abusive and neglectful of us growing up.

    Things have gotten progressively worsesince sib’s death and I’ve been suffering mentally as a result. Teen and my mother fight constantly. It’s gotten to the point that I’m up at all hours, just to make sure they don’t kill each other. My mother who if I’m being honest, don’t care for, but would feel like a horrible person if I kicked out and cut ties with, has become totally dependent on me. She uses a walker, but I have yet to get a confirmed diagnosis of what makes things difficult for her to walk. A while back, I got information regarding a home health aid and the only think I asked for her to do, was follow through with her doctor’s appt.. It didn’t happen. So, not being that mobile, she asks me to run a million tiny errands on a daily basis. I don’t mind doing them, but it’s always when I’m in the midst of other things. Like I’ve had a very long day at work(12-14 hours) and need to eat a quick meal before starting laundry, or cooking . Or when I am tending to a previous request and can’t break from it( she doesn’t understand why I can’t be two places once). There is never a day that I’m not asked to do SOMETHING. In addition to that, she knows my job provides certain benefits(think entertainment) and she takes advantage of it, asking for favors for her moochy friends(who are no where to be found when she needs a favor). She talks incessantly when I ask for time to myself and guilts me into doing things even when I say no. Plus, she’s self-medicating by drinking again(which I hate, because it was a factor in sibling’s death) and guess who she asks to buy her booze? There’s more, but I’m already going off the rails here. On to the kid.

    Teen is about to go off to college and is a total nightmare. I tell the people in my life that it’s due to the death of a parent, but...there were flags before. When things were actually good, the signs where there. He’s materialistic and just mean. I feel horrible writing this, but I’m not sure how else to put it. He uses the death of the parent to get his way. Missed a class? Parent is dead. Girl doesn’t like him? Paren is dead. Forgot he had a paper due because he was busy playing video games? Well, parent is dead and he shouldn’t have to. It makes me ill when I hear how he uses my sib’s death to avoid responsibility. I’ve taken him to therapy and have done whatever they told me to do, but it’s not helping. I’ve had to hold his hand through his senior year and he doesn’t care about anything that’s not “cool.” He just knows that someone will fix his life and doesn’t think he should be bothered. I’m scared about what this may mean, but no one is listening.

    Anyway, last week, mom and teen get into a big fight. I’m taking one of the few luxuries I allow myself anymore, a night time shower and I hear this weird scream. At first I don’t think anything of it because I live in New York and that happens, but also because it sounded strange. But, my anxiety is finely tuned and I couldn’t let the nagging feeling go. I hope out of the shower, barely wrapped in a towel and head straight to my mom’s bedroom. Door closed and thinking she fell and hurt herself, I burst through. Teen and her are saying the nastiest things to each other, are in each other’s faces and both of their hands look posed to hit one another. I ask what’s going on and each of them have a different story to tell. She says he threatened her and wouldn’t let her leave, he says they were arguing but he didn’t do anything to her. They are both known to lie and manipulate others. So I have no clue who to believe. They go back and forth arguing and nothing is resolved and the anger is still high. So, I send teen to his room and tell them that they are on notice and I will talk to them shortly. I head to my room and break down. I’m not sure how, but I managed to call my bf, who came over and found me curled up on the floor of my room half naked and crying in these according to him, “weird heaves.” No one in my family checked on me. I don’t even remember it, but I know quite a bit of time passed and my bf heard me crying well before he hit my room and no one check on me. He helps me get dressed, holds me and tried to bring me comfort, as I face the fact that my family can no longer be held together by me. I calm down, walk out and talk to them both. Nothing is accomplished, but I’m determined to figure something out to help us, so I ask them to not confront the other or talk about anything beyond the mundane, for a day or two, so they can cool off. Teen is indifferent, but agrees. Mom, ignores the request(by this time I’ve started crying again and can barely stand) and goes on tell me her side of things , what happened and how she’s a victim here. It was like I said nothing at all. It was at that moment I realized nothing would change and she really doesn’t care about me, or anyone else for that matter. I’ve known it since I was a kid, but it became real at that moment. She didn’t look at me. Not once. I left our conversation and made up my mind that I’m leaving.

    So, I’m doing the one thing I’ve wanted to do but couldn’t, take care of me. I’ve decided to travel for a few weeks and give my brain a break. I’m leaving the job I hate and only took to support them and their materialistic ways and using my savings to see what my life is like without them.

    Don’t worry, I’m not leaving them stranded. I’m shipping teen off to his dad. who needs to step up for a bit and be there for his kid. There’s something I’m not able to give teen, that I’m hoping his dad can provide. Mom has a place in another location that she doesn’t have to worry about anything with and I’m giving her the option staying here by herself and not having anything, or going back to her place and doing pretty well.

    I’m not backing down and I won’t change my mind .m. They need to sort things out themselves. Sorry if this seems cruel to some, but I’ve been trampled on for a while and this is the first time I’ve felt hope in a really long time. I actually get happy thinking about the possibilities of what I can actually do for me. So, they don’t know it, but I’m leaving. I’ll help them work out details if they need it(I’m not a total monster), but I’m tired and mentally exhausted.

    Surprisingly, this is the best holiday I’ve had, even though I have no idea what will happen for me. Anyway, happy holidays to you guys. Or not and I just hope you get at least a day off and time to do something for you.

    Oh and if my story makes no sense whatsoever, sorry. I’m a bit tipsy, tired and really wanted to share before I let reason take over.

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      PoodletimeDali Lana Goo-Goo
      12/25/15 1:33am

      You deserve a break, dear. You really, really do. Neither of them is allowed to manipulate you like this any more. Good luck, and don’t come back until they seem to have gotten a grip.

      Also, it sounds like one of them is going to have to go, long term. I’m voting for your Mom to go. The nephew is a piece of work, and could really do harm if he’s not reined in.

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      Dali Lana Goo-GooPoodletime
      12/25/15 1:57am

      Thank you for your words. I can’t say how much it means to lay out this raw situation I’m in and be met with kindness. Thank you for not judging me.

      I’m not entirely okay, but I feel like I’ll get there once I remove myself from this situation. I’ve done the best I can and need to accept that I couldn’t fix everything and everyone. I shouldn’t feel unloved and mistreated by my family. I want more for myself and have neglected taking care of me for a very long time. I’m tired of crying every day and losing sleep because of worry. My plan is to have no set plan and just let myself heal while I travel.

      I still have hope for the nephew, but I agree he needs to be reeled in before it’s too late. I’m hoping his dad can help him do that.

      You’re right, mom has got to go. I know it. Everyone in my life has said it(repeatedly) and I need to release myself from this toxic relationship we have. She will never change and will never be someone good in my life. The last bit of hope I had for her left after that night. When I feel guilty about this decision, I think of her looking through me as I cried and asked for her help. So far it’s working.

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    all-the-catsMarie Lodi
    12/24/15 8:26pm

    I am being a pissypants grudge holder. I’m the one who wrapped all the presents, filled all the stockings (my own, too) and then my husband, who I am going to kill in his sleep, decided to let the kids open the stockings this morning when I wasn’t even in the goddamn room. He was playing WOW and decided letting the kids do stockings would get them off his back.

    I will be fair and add that as a person who is estranged from her whole family of origin (6 years, going strong!) this time of year is already hard for me. I over-value the holidays with my family because it’s all I have. Mr. Cats better watch his back (but he won’t be, because 10 hours later he is still playing WOW.)

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      DontBeSuchaBoobPunchTinaall-the-cats
      12/24/15 8:32pm

      If you don’t really kill him, I might. He is being a right bastard today.

      Is Christmas stressful for him, too? Maybe hiding in a stupid video game is kind of a way to deal?

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      VonQuesoall-the-cats
      12/24/15 8:35pm

      I would like to take this moment to 100% validate your murderous impulses.

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    yonofuifueteteMarie Lodi
    12/24/15 8:08pm

    I’m Christmas eve bummed.

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      Octopit didn't choose the burrito life, the burrito life chose octopit.yonofuifuetete
      12/24/15 8:09pm

      Me too.

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      yonofuifueteteOctopit didn't choose the burrito life, the burrito life chose octopit.
      12/24/15 8:11pm

      *Welcome to the Christmas Eve bummness support group*

      Why are you bummed?

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    LOREM IPSUMMarie Lodi
    12/24/15 10:26pm

    This will likely get lost in the shuffle since I’m here so late but here goes. I found a lump. In a place where you don’t want to find a lump. Not in my breast, thank goodness, but somewhere very terrifying. My doctors are out these next couple weeks for the holidays. It just popped up out of nowhere, and I am going between sobbing, drinking a little too much, and laughing hysterically and joking about it. I named my mass Kristen, because I once dated a Kristen and she was a total twunt. She’s still pretending to be straight and votes republican. But Jezzies, I’m really scared, and I don’t know what to do or say and feel helpless and paralyzed. Mom and Cindymoo are perplexed. It just popped up out of nowhere, is uncomfortable, and is scaring the hell out of me. Between this, the bald spot, and everything else, I just kind of want to fold myself into an origami swan and float on down a lake until I either sink or am eaten by a large fish.

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      jpomonkeyLOREM IPSUM
      12/24/15 10:42pm
      GIF

      So sorry another thing has popped up. (Pardon the pun.) Here’s to hoping it’s something benign that will be easily taken care of. When can you see your doctor again? Is there another doctor you can see in the meantime?

      Hugs!

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      LOREM IPSUMjpomonkey
      12/24/15 10:47pm

      Not until after the first of the year. The whole clinic is closed until then, and my insurance is kind of shitty. I don’t want to go to the ER for it or to an Urgent Care, because there’s a 50/50 chance that it’s something or nothing you know? I need to see my doc about it. The one who did the surgery. To top it off, I’m pretty sure I’m on my period. Just because I don’t have a uterus anymore doesn’t mean my cycles have ended, and I get two of them a month for some reason!

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    wishtMarie Lodi
    12/24/15 8:11pm

    Hey Jezzies, merry Christmas! Mine has been crappy so far (working when I thought I wouldn’t have to, sick dad, no real plans to celebrate Christmas this year, literally no chance yet to have some quiet time to myself) and looks to continue on in a crappy way (seriously, where is my quiet time to myself?) bur I have some very good news.

    As you know, my dad has been really ill and was awaiting biopsy results today. I was convinced they were going to be bad news because my family has the worst luck and getting scary news on Christmas Eve would be totally how we rolled. He texted me from the hospital to say that his results are ‘nothing life-threatening’ and he’ll tell me more when he comes home in the morning. As I told my friends, whilst it is like the cheesy bit in the last half hour of a Christmas movie where everyone realises that what really matters at Christmas is family, this really is the best present I could have.

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      Cocopop!wisht
      12/24/15 8:15pm

      YESSSSS! Thank you for updating us! Merry Christmas. Get some rest when you can, okay?

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      wishtCocopop!
      12/24/15 8:17pm

      I will, thank you for your kindness! I’ve been so busy and stressed lately but I’ve got 12 days of holiday left and I plan to move as little as possible during them.

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    Maxine1691Marie Lodi
    12/24/15 8:10pm

    My relatives are in town from Luxembourg. My 12 year old cousin, spawned from Lucifer’s left testicle, has been calling me Sasquatch since I arrived, and bullying my heavy set niece and nephew. I bought a Darth Vader PlayStation. Emptied the box, filled it with charcoal, wrapped it, and signed his name to it. The little shit will have quite a surprise tomorrow.

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      Supernova: Bullshit JediMaxine1691
      12/24/15 8:19pm

      Please report back. Please. I love you, you’re so deliciously evil...

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      Maxine1691Supernova: Bullshit Jedi
      12/24/15 8:22pm

      I made sure to re-tape the original packaging, and apply zip ties to the intricate inner boxing. For added effect.

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    Feminist KittenjoyMarie Lodi
    12/24/15 8:15pm

    Does anyone else struggle with it feeling like Christmas Eve rather than, say, just Thursday? I’ve got the decorations, the lights, the music, the works and yet, while it is indeed cozy and nice, it doesn’t feel like “Christmas.” Maybe this is just the cost of growing up?

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      VonQuesoFeminist Kittenjoy
      12/24/15 8:18pm

      Or the cost of having my windows open in the dead of winter. >.>

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      SnapTestFeminist Kittenjoy
      12/24/15 8:25pm

      I feel the same. I think part of it is that the weather has been super mild. And part is this year we’re at my in laws, and while I like them fine, I’m really missing my family. It’s not really Christmas to me if I don’t go to my Grandma's.

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    DerbyDuck42Marie Lodi
    12/24/15 8:25pm

    Just got back from the company Christmas party. Involved barbecue, Dirty Santa, wine, Cards Against Humanity, and a contact high.

    Now I’m trying to work up enough give-a-damn to wrap my remaining presents and clean the kitchen. I’m promising myself a hot chocolate (spiked with peppermint schnapps, because of course) when I get these done.

    Duckling is 15, which is too old to track Santa via NORAD. Sigh. I’ll have to do it by myself, I guess...

    Quick question: if you have pets, do you give them Christmas presents? The cats are getting tuna and cream tomorrow via Mr. Duck.

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      VonQuesoDerbyDuck42
      12/24/15 8:34pm

      My dogs are getting a candy cane bone bigger than they are to share. Then the youngest is getting a bag of squeaky tennis balls and my sweet old boy is getting a bowl of whipped cream (his fave). They get things every single year...wrapped.

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      Stars Once ShyDerbyDuck42
      12/24/15 8:45pm

      yup, our golden gets all the presents! She’s getting two new toys and some dried haddock skins, and even knows how to unwrap them!

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    VulcanbookwormMarie Lodi
    12/24/15 8:50pm

    I’m going to prank my whole church and family by showing up at the Christmas Eve service and pretending that I still believe a word of what they’re saying! Even going to take Communion.

    I’m exhausted of pretending to be straight, and Christian, and a perfectly pure virgin—but I’d rather not be kicked out before I’m done with college. Last Sunday I had to endure an entire sermon about how God cries when someone gets an abortion, complete with a poem written from the perspective of a fetus who forgives its mommy for killing it, and a comparison between abortion and the holocaust. My parents teared up. It was terrible.

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      SqarrVulcanbookworm
      12/24/15 9:10pm

      Oh, that’s fucked up. I’m sorry. :(

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      VulcanbookwormSqarr
      12/24/15 9:20pm

      Thanks, Sqarr. I’ll be okay—at least it’ll be mostly carols and fun stuff tonight. :)

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