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    NefertittiesTom Scocca
    12/22/15 9:43am

    Prepare yourselves for Stage 3

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      TopherNefertitties
      12/22/15 9:55am
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      okiedokieokieNefertitties
      12/22/15 10:23am

      You should do graphics for Wonkette.

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    GMOCTom Scocca
    12/22/15 9:53am

    I used to come home drunk in HS and watch informercials till I passed out. This one is an all time great.

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      GMOCGMOC
      12/22/15 10:30am
      GIF

      Figured a gif might do it more justice...

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      Itto OgamiGMOC
      12/22/15 10:36am

      Genuine

      Liquid

      Hair

      ?

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    DoctorNineTom Scocca
    12/22/15 10:14am

    As a matter of fact, this is important news. The shorter and the balder you are, the less likely you are to win the presidency:

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      flamingolingoDoctorNine
      12/22/15 10:17am

      The fact that Ted Cruz is only 5’8 gives me a little hope that he won’t be able to sneakily win the nomination.

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      ZzoydDoctorNine
      12/22/15 10:24am

      “Why are these men laughing?”

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    2DollarzTom Scocca
    12/22/15 9:43am

    Come to me with Marco Rubio. It is time to complete his training.

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      Vox Populist2Dollarz
      12/22/15 11:18am

      “Together we shall rule the country like father and son.”

      Doubt Marco would sacrifice his hand for it, though!

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    Beet ArthurTom Scocca
    12/22/15 9:36am

    A+ reporting! Do you think he used that stuff that is supposed to help you grow more eyebrows on his scalp?

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      grykeBeet Arthur
      12/22/15 9:39am

      Why would anyone want more than two eyebrows?

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      Jackalopalopegryke
      12/22/15 10:09am

      This is an important question

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    Wayward ApologyTom Scocca
    12/22/15 10:09am

    I have now had multiple people say how good looking Rubio is and I absolutely don’t get it. I mean he isn’t particularly ugly but I would not call him attractive, there is something about his face that comes off as misshapen and offputting to me.

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      flamingolingoWayward Apology
      12/22/15 10:19am

      He’s good-looking by politician standards.

      But I agree with you. Rubio has the face of a weak, dissipated man. There’s no character in it. It’s the kind of face you earn after a lifetime of indulgence and lack of real challenges.

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    Dave Tom Scocca
    12/22/15 9:48am

    I believe Rubio’s hair makes him uniquely qualified to be the Republican Candidate for President of the Hair Club for Men—his bold strides in strong hairlines make him eminently qualified to not only be the President but also a client.

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      RobNYCTom Scocca
      12/22/15 10:07am

      What is is about politicians with horrible outdated haircuts? I mean this guy is MY generation.

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        Vox PopulistRobNYC
        12/22/15 11:18am

        His party is horribly outdated. He merely fits the profile.

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      robertogreenTom Scocca
      12/22/15 12:20pm

      it’s so weird how people pretend bosley doesn’t exist. it does. they take hair from the back of your head and put it on the front. it grows. it stays. it works. the only issue: it’s fucking expensive, like 8-12k per application (you may only need one). but it 100% works, unlike propecia/rogaine (which doesn’t work, at all). i think for some reason you are supposed to pretend you haven’t had this done, so i’ll say...i’ve heard it from a friend, i guess?

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        Biscuitrobertogreen
        12/22/15 12:36pm

        Yep. I’m not sure what’s up with Rubio but transplants are where it’s at.

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        JescoWhiterobertogreen
        12/22/15 12:45pm

        For around $30 and a prayer one has a nice, round noodle, one can look properly aged and dignified without having to spend thousands better spent elsewhere. It’s just hair. Unless one’s head is a phrenologist's wet dream, of course. Then that shit is camouflage.

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      Denver is too damn highTom Scocca
      12/22/15 10:23am

      When Gawker fired a dozen people or so on it’s way to become the world’s next big polictical blog.. the world simply wasn’t prepared

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