Kinja reply list

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HypnoCatJordan Sargent
12/16/15 3:04pm
“Sherman states that the email to L.A. said the hoaxer had “32 accomplices ready to strike,”

That should have been the dead giveaway it was a hoax. Anyone who has spent any time in LA knows that everyone RSVPs yes, but nobody actually shows up.
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  imatworkdarnit2HypnoCat
  12/16/15 3:17pm
  I thought in LA that an RVSP of Yes implied it was Yes Unless Something Better Comes Up...
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  HypnoCatimatworkdarnit2
  12/16/15 3:24pm
  Exactly. And “better” could be anything from “it was SPRINKLING and 59 degrees! I can’t go out in that” to “I couldn’t get in at the DryBar.”
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BruinKidJordan Sargent
12/16/15 3:05pm
Now that ABC has posted the full text of the e-mail, I can understand why LAUSD decided to shut down the schools. It’s a lot more specific than news reports were making it sound yesterday.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
I am emailing you to inform you of the happenings on Tuesday, 12/15/15.
Something big is going down. Something very big. It will make national headlines. Perhaps, even international ones. You see, my last 4 years here at one of the district high schools has been absolute hell. Pure, unmitigated, agony. The bullying, the loneliness, the rejection... it is never-ending. And for what? Just because I’m ‘different’?
No. No more. I am a devout Muslim, and was once against violence, but I have teamed up with a local jihadist cell as it is the only way I’ll be able to accomplish my massacre the correct way. I would not be able to do it alone. Me, and my 32 comrades, will die tomorrow in the name of Allah. Every school in the L.A. Unified district is being targeted. We have bombs hidden in lockers already at several schools. They are strategically placed and are meant to crumble the foundations of the very buildings that monger so much hate and discrimination. They are pressure cooker bombs, hidden in backpacks around the schools. They are loaded with 20 lbs. of gunpowder, for maximum damage. They will be detonated via Cell Phone. Not only are there bombs, but there are nerve gas agents set to go off at a specific time: during lunch hour. To top it off, my brothers in Allah and I have Kalashnikov rifles, Glock 18 Machine pistols, and multiple handheld grenades. The students at every school in the L.A. Unified district will be massacred, mercilessly. And there is nothing you can do to stop it.
If you do end up trying to, by perhaps, beefing up security, or canceling classes for the day, it won’t matter. Your security will not be able to stop us. We are an army of Allah. If you cancel classes, the bombings will take place regardless, and we will bring our guns to the streets and offices of Los Angeles, San Bernardino, Bakersfield, and San Diego.
I wish you the best luck. It is time to pray to allah, as this may be your last day.

Easy to say in hindsight that it was a hoax.
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  skefflesBruinKid
  12/16/15 3:43pm
  They’ve over-egged it. Columbine style school loner AND an Islamic wannabe martyr? Pick one. Guns AND IEDs AND Nerve gas? Nah, one or the other guys. Look, less is more when you craft these, this is just too much of everything to be taken seriously. You’ve teamed up? What are you a DC crossover event comic? You gonna charge us 5.99 everytime we see one of you? Nah, sorry dude.
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  Jujymonkey3BruinKid
  12/16/15 4:07pm
  Something big is going down. Something very big. It will make national headlines. Perhaps, even international ones.
  
  Sounds like Donald Trump wrote this. Anybody know where he was Monday night?
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SpringSprungJordan Sargent
12/16/15 2:56pm
The hoax is also more effective if you can play it on a city that isn’t far from where a mass shooting recently occurred. So, like any random Tuesday is good.
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  sandwichesSpringSprung
  12/16/15 2:58pm
  Seriously. Does no one remember how often schools in New York were closed for bomb threats in the months following 9/11? It’s ok to be a little cautious following a tragedy.
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  Dave sandwiches
  12/16/15 3:02pm
  I get being cautious, but ISIS@myhugecock.is can never be taken seriously. Everyone one knows they would use an Arabic word for penis in their address.
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Government on StrikeJordan Sargent
12/16/15 3:18pm
Are there any recent examples of ISIS (or anybody operating as them) making a threat and following through on it? I could be wrong, but I feel like their MO is more about people doing something and then ISIS taking credit for it whether they had any original hand in it or not
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  HanoumatoiGovernment on Strike
  12/16/15 6:32pm
  Yeah, what terrorist groups warn of attacks? The IRA would warn about bombs, to avoid civilian casualties, but that’s the opposite of the methodology of ISIS. Also, way too many specifics.
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IskaralPustJordan Sargent
12/16/15 2:58pm
Wouldn’t being a student (and thus knowing the correct school district terminology) make the threat of Islamic terrorism less, not more, credible? I mean, if I was a student, I would want schools shut down, but if I was a terrorist I would want them open for, you know, terrorism. Also students, in my experience, are rarely awake by 5:00 am; anyone who rises that early is already 95% likely to be a terrorist.
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  marksbIskaralPust
  12/16/15 3:43pm
  Also students, in my experience, are rarely awake by 5:00 am
  
  Except for swimmers. They’re not only up by 5, they’re probably in the pool. Ugh.
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IanJordan Sargent
12/16/15 2:58pm
1.) Fee fi fo fum!!

2.) 5,000 accomplices!!

3.) Meh...

4.) booblicker@yahoo.com

5.) “Give to the poor.” Crap!

6.) 2:14 a.m.

7.) *in accent* “I have those inflatable things you punch...and they come back at you!!”

Sound reasonable?
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HanoumatoiJordan Sargent
12/16/15 6:29pm
Other than the IRA, do terrorists warn before attacks? I know the IRA would announce bombings so that people could flee the areas, but you hear a lot of threats, which almost never turn out to be legit, and then the occasional attack, which comes with no threats ahead of time. I feel like the thing that would make me most suspect a hoax is being TOLD about an attack.
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Metro-CarnieJordan Sargent
12/16/15 3:14pm
A Congressman’s Step-By-Step Guide to the Perfect Terrorist Hoax

I attended a terrorism seminar back in the early 2000s as part of a survey class on national security issues. The following interaction played out about 4 times that day:

“Aren’t you concerned that by teaching us [misc. terrorist tactic] that you’re basically providing terrorists with a handbook for committing mass murder?”

“No. If you are a terrorist and you didn’t know these things already, then you’re a dumb terrorist and you are going to get caught.”

So yeah. The things in this article are good things for a shitty person to keep in mind when doing shitty things. But if you didn’t know it already, you’re a dumb hoaxer and either a) your hoax won’t work; or b) you’re going to get caught.
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  kaysey17Metro-Carnie
  12/16/15 3:41pm
  Yup. :-)
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EvenBaggierTrousersJordan Sargent
12/16/15 3:27pm
Pick a realistic number of accomplices

Agreed. Two is enough. I have enlisted the aid of Munchma Quchi and Suq Madiq

GIF

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  PlagueEvenBaggierTrousers
  12/16/15 3:49pm
  Did Liqa get cold feet?
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Dr Marvin Meisner MDJordan Sargent
12/16/15 2:57pm
Step 1 - Find someone willing to go on record with private information regarding the secret LGBTQ+ sex life of some random guy with a family.

Step 2 - Out him and gay shame the shit out of him.
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A Congressman’s Step-By-Step Guide to the Perfect Terrorist Hoax

Pick a realistic number of accomplices