Kinja reply list

Read More
BoredHagClover Hope
12/16/15 2:27pm
My abuser was less physical than this but the psychological manipulation, the slow, calculating way his “sarcasm” and wit became a way to hurt me, alienating me from others I knew and convincing me they were lying or just hated him for no reason when they told me how he really was....god do these sociopaths read a manual on how to abuse women? It's all so damn familiar, every time.
Reply
- Read More
  darleeeeeene aka deraaiilleeeeeeneBoredHag
  12/16/15 2:31pm
  I’m happy you got out safely! God, that shit is terrifying...
  Reply
- Read More
  Jennifer EDMONDSONBoredHag
  12/16/15 2:33pm
  there are so many people out there getting abused but don’t think anything of it because it’s ‘only’ verbal. My sister in law is with a verbally abusive asshole but no one bats an eye. Everyone makes excuses.
  Reply
Read More
Rando CalrissianClover Hope
12/16/15 2:25pm
Jesus. I so admire her for doing this, for having this incredibly truthful conversation in a public forum. Wow. Talk about cutting the reality tv bullshit. WELL DONE Milian!
Reply
- Read More
  Mo-Rando Calrissian
  12/16/15 2:35pm
  You know, I’m not a fan of hers at all (on a musical or persona level) but this right here is something I respect. In the last year I have left my own emotional abuse relationship and counseled two friends about theirs. One left, the other hasn’t. As well, I have learned that several friend have had experiences leaving their own abusive situations. That just let me know that this is super common and more people need to be open about it to maybe help the next person. So, I have a lot of respect for her for being so candid.
  Reply
Read More
fuckabeeesClover Hope
12/16/15 3:10pm
I was in an abusive relationship when I was 17. It lasted for two years. He was only a couple of years older than me, and had been through some pretty horrible stuff (sexual, physical abuse) and the physical abuse is what translated from his past into our relationship. I am a really headstrong person, and so I didn’t cower away whenever he gave me black eyes, etc. I tried to fight back. I had also been through physical abuse in my childhood, and so I saw violence in a different way than those who hadn’t gone through it. In a small way it was normal for me. I mean I knew he shouldn’t be touching me, but I justified it by saying to myself, “Well, I started it,” or “Well, I hit him back,” etc. He was also my first love, and he lived with me for the time that we were together (I was way to young to be in this sort of relationship)

He became sort of flippant about our relationship at a point- and he wanted to move out and live with his uncle. At that time, I figured he didn’t love me as much as I thought he did, (Being young is the worst)so I started seeing someone else, but eventually he came back. I thought well, since I love him so much, I’ll give him another chance. I’ll preface this next part by telling you all that I had a dream during the time that I was with him where I was being choked by him. In the dream, he suffocated me to the point where I passed out- I woke up violently from that dream while he was lying next to me.

We went on a weekend trip to a touristy town not too far from the city we lived in to “rekindle” our relationship. I booked a hotel room and all of that. Later in the evening, he wrapped his arms around me in bed and I flinched a little bit and kind of moved away- I don’t remember why I did.(probably from the previous abuse) What happened next was the scariest night of my life- He got so mad at me that he threw me into the wall and started punching me in my face repeatedly. I tried to scream for help, but no one heard me. He then threw me on the ground and started strangling me- I passed out. When I came to, he was wrapping a phone cord around his neck that he had tied to the ceiling fan in the room. He then lept off the bed, but the ceiling fan broke. I instantly ran for the door and ran down the hallway. It was like I was running down the hallway in The Shining.- After his failed attempt at suicide, he looked out the door from the room at me running down, what felt, like the longest hallway ever. I kept looking back, and I felt like I was making no progress.

When I reached the hotel front desk, the man behind the counter just looked at me, hesitated, and then handed me the phone. I called the police- right when I was doing so, my “boyfriend” walked up beside me and then made his way outside. When the police arrived, the took one look at my face, and asked me if I had looked in the mirror. I went to the bathroom and looked at myself. It was pretty bad. They couldn’t find him for a very long time. They finally found him- he had hidden under my car. He was waiting for them to leave so he could..well I don’t know...kill me? Attack me again?
The police took my statement, took him to jail, and I made my way to my car to drive home. He had taken a rock and bashed my car all over the place...

He called me every day after that for a year and left messages on my phone. (this was back in the early 00’s- so on my phone line at home) The worst part is that mutual friends of ours didn’t believe me for years to come.

I found out recently that he killed himself back in 2008 leaving behind a wife and 2 very young kids.

I don’t know why I just told my story to you all. I just wanted to get it out there- also I am wondering about the age statistics of abusive relationships...Christina was so young and so was I. I still have issues to this day, and I feel safer when I am in bed alone. (My husband is understanding) For years after that I could not find much purpose in life and drinking A LOT and doing copious amounts of drugs seemed to be pretty much the only thing I was interested in. I was lucky though, I had a supportive family, and that helped me considerably pull out of the funk that that relationship left me in.

Reply
- Read More
  anyah8sbunniesfuckabeees
  12/16/15 3:47pm
  I’m glad you’re okay. That’s a scary situation.
  Reply
- Read More
  CarlySparklesfuckabeees
  12/16/15 4:06pm
  holy shit.
  
  i’m glad you were able to get away.
  Reply
Read More
Brene BrawnClover Hope
12/16/15 2:31pm
It takes so much courage to tell your story, particularly when people have a preconceived idea of what a victim is or should be. It’s interesting how normalized violence has become in a way, but there is still so much that is taboo about talking about having experienced it.

I hope conversations become more frequent, and that we become more open to discussing sexual abuse in relationships as well. I know many who are sexually abused by their spouses, but don’t know to identify it as abuse because what they hear frequently is about “wifely duties" and not about what abuse and respect look like.
Reply
Read More
CrystalClearWatersClover Hope
12/16/15 3:34pm
I have so much respect for her. There’s so much misplaced shame that goes with being a survivor of abuse that keeps victims silent. It contributes to the feeling that you’re alone. I’m always proud of survivors who can speak about what they’ve been through. I hope it helps other people who are going through similar things to realize that they’re not stupid or weak or “Letting this happen to them”. Victims of abuse have nothing to be ashamed of. Their abusers should be the ones that society shames.
Reply
- Read More
  SheeshTheseNamesCrystalClearWaters
  12/16/15 4:39pm
  Oh god, the judgmental “how could you let someone do that to you” and “I’m too strong to let that happen to me” comments. I am a confident, highly intelligent, strong, vivacious, happy womanist who never saw her father abuse her mother, and almost all of my relationships have been with abusive men. It can happen to anyone folks, especially when they get you young and get at your feelings first.
  Reply
- Read More
  fawtySheeshTheseNames
  12/16/15 7:32pm
  This, exactly. Especially the young part. My abuser is now dating someone much younger than him (the age I was when we first started dating) and I am so afraid for her. I want to believe it’s different, that he’s different now, but I have a hard time doing that.
  Reply
Read More
Nihongo Hanashimasen.Clover Hope
12/16/15 4:23pm
I have only ever seen a fraction of this personally and my heart just goes out to her and those of you who have been brave enough to talk about your experiences here. I’m so proud of you.

And if you’re someone who is going through this, please save yourself. Feel free to privately message me and I will find a way for you, I swear to the heavens.
Reply
Read More
transparencyalwaysClover Hope
12/16/15 2:52pm
Damn...I am at a loss of words. I can’t even imagine what he mother feels like to hear her daughter going through that.
Reply