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    dalilaTracy Moore
    12/03/15 11:12am

    I seriously do not understand people that use the “pull out method”. That’s not a method. That’s having unprotected sex and hoping for the best.

    A friend of mine has 2 kids, and both were conceived via the “pull out method”. Because her husband, as she put it, probably “dribbles before he shoots”. Oops!

    The fact that its efficacy rate is on par with condoms honestly shocks me.

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      wafflesfriendsworkdalila
      12/03/15 11:15am

      The fact that its efficacy rate is on par with condoms honestly shocks me.

      And, as someone who currently relies on condoms for their birth control and isn’t at a good place in their life to have kids right now, TERRIFIES me

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      LaComtessedalila
      12/03/15 11:16am

      Perfect use is on par with perfect use in condoms. I’d be curious to compare “typical use” of the two methods.

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    Potential SlayerTracy Moore
    12/03/15 11:22am

    This is reading really privilege-y to me. There are some who have the privilege of accidental pregnancies being okay, or even welcomed. If that’s you, then don’t get an IUD. No one is making women get IUDs if they don’t want them.

    For other women, pregnancy is too expensive, too dangerous, or just 100% unwelcome.

    IUDs are a good thing because they’re just another option. More options is good.

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      ChalupaBatwoman got a new work computerPotential Slayer
      12/03/15 11:26am

      Yeah I got a goldilocks vibe at the beginning, like “This birth control isn't effective enough, this birth control is TOO effective :("

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      loupdeserrePotential Slayer
      12/03/15 11:30am

      A thousand times this. I’m super happy an accidental pregnancy turned out ok for a reasonably well-off white woman. For most of us, an accidental pregnancy would really fuck us over; physically, financially, and mentally.

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    DarkCountenanceTracy Moore
    12/03/15 11:14am

    These discussions are always so focused on ourselves. Pregnancy by definition involves multiple people (a partner in reproduction who also consents to becoming a parent, a future child). Creating a whole new human being shouldn’t be a matter of “whoops”, and there’s no reason to be nostalgic about a time when it more often was.

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      IWASDARTHVADER's death star canteenDarkCountenance
      12/03/15 11:28am

      thissssssss

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      jemandthehologramsDarkCountenance
      12/03/15 11:34am

      A million stars for you.

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    EridaniTracy Moore
    12/03/15 11:28am

    What you’re talking about is what I would call the Welp! method. “I wasn’t sure and then it happened. Welp!” And it worked out well for you but there are plenty of mothers to whom it happened and they didn’t love it.

    I think a better question is this: How do we help women make informed reproductive choices that we can feel comfortable with? So that we don’t have to feel like a “cyborg” or hope for a Welp! baby to decide for us without the stigma of taking a stance on our own reproductive health. Women are judged for openly stating we don’t feel ready - or that we do! - so some of us make no decision at all. Getting rid of having to depend on the Welp! method because of that would be fantastic and certainly nothing to mourn.

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      Huggsy, the bedtime penguin palEridani
      12/03/15 11:48am

      My cousin tried this method to get out of having kids, she now has 2. She and her husband were very vocal about never wanting kids, but after 12 years of marriage, her mother talked them (mostly the husband) into it. She said she would go off birth control and if it happened, it happened, if not, that’s great. She thought that being in her mid-30s and being on birth control for 15+ years, she wouldn’t have a high chance. She was pregnant less than a month later.

      I’m sure she loves both of her kids, but it’s still very clear that she never wanted children.

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      AllieCat ❤️'S hats on cats-is probable weirdoEridani
      12/03/15 11:56am

      Or how do we help women in the 26-35 age range who would like to have children but are questioning whether they will ever have enough financial stability (because we don’t have great paid maternity leave and it’s impossible to afford anything bigger than a one bedroom/studio in most of our major cities even with a decent job to rent let alone buy and the middle class is completely disappearing).

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    mekkiTracy Moore
    12/03/15 11:39am

    what do you do for contraception if you don’t know what you want?

    I am tilting my head like a confused dog right now. This is honestly the most puzzling question I have ever come across. This is one of those situations that SHOULD be black and white. You don’t want a kid. Use the best contraception you can get. If you do want a kid, don’t use any. End of story. Or at least it should be. Because if you are not sure, don’t have a kid. Seriously, don’t. Having a kid shouldn’t be a maybe-kind of-sort of thing. It’s a life time commitment. It’s the biggest responsibility you will ever have. You are the caretaker, the EVERYTHING to another life. If you are not a 100%, don’t have a kid. It’s okay. You don’t need to have a kid to have a complete life. “Having it all” is a myth. And it is not for everyone to attempt.

    Children shouldn’t be accidental. I know this happens. But to willingly put yourself in this situation when you are not 100% sure, because for whatever the reason, (mainly, “Hey, I might want to have a kid. I don’t know. Maybe. If it happens. It happens.”) you are being selfish.

    And I know I am coming across as judgmental. And you are right. I am. But I am all for the kids. They are the ones who suffer the most when it comes to these “mistakes.”

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      Moraliamekki
      12/03/15 11:45am

      ^This. It really should be a conscious and mutual decision.
      Seriously, I feel for the kids every time I hear a parent say, “We weren’t planning to have kids, but then little Jaxalyn came along...”

      It’s like saying, “We didn’t really want you, but got over it.”

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      Mooselandermekki
      12/03/15 12:17pm

      Preach it. It’s the kids who end up having to take on the emotional burden of ambivalent parenting, and they’re the only ones in the scenario who didn’t deliberately put themselves in the path of problems.

      I have two kids, pregnancy was a living hell both times, PPD followed on, having my tubes tied after Thing 2 was weaned was the best fucking decision I have ever made in my life.

      My doctor kept at me about “making” Mr Moose get a vasectomy instead, but I refused to get involved in his decision there (he was ambivalent — not about no more children, but he’s squeamish about his bits.) But I was determined to get myself fixed whether he had the big snip or not. My body, my fertility, my say when it gets turned on and off. And now I never have to worry about pregnancy or BC failure rates again. [touchdown dance]

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    Feminist KittenjoyTracy Moore
    12/03/15 11:18am

    Ambivalence towards birth control seems like a recipe for disaster. Unless both parties are on board for a baby should fun times result in pregnancy, it seems pretty dangerous to just assume that all will be just fine should it happen. I’m much more in favor of planned pregnancy and taking proper precautions to prevent it until then (again, unless both parties are game for a spinning of the wheel).

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      clockworkandcameosFeminist Kittenjoy
      12/03/15 11:31am

      I had a guy I was dating not want to use any form of protection (which was never going to happen) because he just assumed I would have an abortion in the case of accidental pregnancy. I told him I would not, which is why I always use at least one form of contraception. He was completely shocked that someone would not handle an unplanned pregnancy like he expected them to.

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      PhyllisNeflerFeminist Kittenjoy
      12/03/15 11:40am

      Yeah. If you don’t know what you want, you should use contraception until you do know. There is a very specific situation in which getting pregnant unexpectedly could be a joyous occasion.

      I can’t quite get a handle on this piece.

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    Anneke OosterinkTracy Moore
    12/03/15 12:15pm

    HALF (!!!) of American women get pregnant unintentionally? I just looked it up, and that number is 13% in the Netherlands. I really wonder what could be the cause... Oh wait. But seriously, that is a lot! Is this purely because of poor sexual education? Or is it that uninsured or poor women have no access to birth control? It really bothers me that so many women have no way to control whether they get pregnant or not.

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      mekkiAnneke Oosterink
      12/03/15 12:29pm

      It’s not really due to poor education. It’s more of arrogance. “Oh, it won’t happen to me,” idiocy. For the same reason why people don’t wear helmets while riding bicycles or they do take up smoking. There are warnings everywhere. They know what could happen. They just don’t think it will happen to them for whatever reason. Again, arrogance.

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      Stephanie WernerAnneke Oosterink
      12/03/15 12:36pm

      I can’t help but think a significant portion of this is the result of a woman ready for kids with a guy who isn’t. It’s much easier to say “Oops, forgot a pill” than “I got tired of waiting for you to be ready, and undermined your wishes”.

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    yvanehtniojTracy Moore
    12/03/15 11:08am

    Betteridge’s Law in full effect.

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      Potential Slayeryvanehtnioj
      12/03/15 11:19am

      Had to Google. Laughed.

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      IWASDARTHVADER's death star canteenyvanehtnioj
      12/03/15 11:26am

      Actually laughed out loud at my desk at work. Thank you for bringing this delightful new phrase/concept into my vocabulary!

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    ScrunchiePowerTracy Moore
    12/03/15 11:15am

    Fascinating. I don’t feel this way at all. I am deeply committed to not getting pregnant, and always have been. I have nightmares about finding out that I’m pregnant. I reflect almost every single day on how grateful I am not to be pregnant or have kids. I’m almost certain that I would get an abortion if I did get pregnant, though I am married and financially stable, and that’s one reason I am so dedicated to not letting it happen. “Pills get skipped”—nope, they don’t. And I would go without sex for pretty much any length of time if I had to in order to avoid pregnancy. Birth control is as serious a life priority for me as my children would be if I had them.

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      ThisismyBurnerScrunchiePower
      12/03/15 11:22am

      Yeah. I have been very upforth with my wife. We are in no position to have kids yet and I will do everything I can to make sure that we dont “accidentally” have one. We may be in a decent place next year though where we can talk about it in more concrete terms.

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      WallflowerScrunchiePower
      12/03/15 11:36am

      The worst nightmare I’ve had in a long time was one where I dreamed I was pregnant. It made me want to go get and IUD or a hysterectomy. My husband had things taken care of on his end many years ago so I’m 99.9% covered but I feel sick thinking about that dream.

      And for all of you younger folks (I’m almost 29 so it’s not like I’m elderly here but for what it’s worth) that don’t want kids don’t listen to people who say you’ll change your mind. We both when through a few years of what ifs and mourning after we made the choice to not have kids permeant, I was 21 at the time and thought if we are in that .01% of peoeple I’ll be ok with it. Now that we are older, more financially stable, and around more children we are 100% happy with the choice. I don’t see myself ever changing my mind.

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    Still-Celia is NeverfuckingvotingforhillsxoTracy Moore
    12/03/15 11:12am

    I am so afraid of being the teeny percentage whose ligation fails. I’ve had nightmares.

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      LittleJoeCartwrightWon'tVoteForTrumpStill-Celia is Neverfuckingvotingforhillsxo
      12/03/15 11:21am

      About five years after my ligation, I had an ectopic pregnancy. Not great. But they took out the good tube when they removed the ruptured one, so now I got no worries.

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      Cakes, Pies, LiesStill-Celia is Neverfuckingvotingforhillsxo
      12/03/15 11:24am

      Me too. I have an IUD, my husband had a vasectomy, and yet my mother still says in her sing song gramma voice “you never know, accidents could happen! I know lots of ladies who got pregnant in spite of IUD or vasectomy! Tee hee hee!” *fist punch of death*

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