Discussion
  • Read More
    fighting polish is David Schwimmer as Rob Kardashian SrErin Gloria Ryan
    11/25/15 12:05pm

    i enjoy my family and like spending time with them, where is my content

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      Kim Jong's Angstfighting polish is David Schwimmer as Rob Kardashian Sr
      11/25/15 12:09pm

      In Hell, you freak.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      GELLA - LLAPfighting polish is David Schwimmer as Rob Kardashian Sr
      11/25/15 12:09pm

      lying

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    YarnBomb2Erin Gloria Ryan
    11/25/15 12:18pm

    My solution is to avoid them.

    I plan to avoid my stepdad talking about how Trump “says the things everybody else is afraid to say”

    I plan to avoid my mother talking about how she doesn’t understand why I went on a date with “that girl” and why she doesn’t believe that everybody has the same right to marry.

    I plan to avoid my brother criticize the fact that I don’t eat meat so therefore I’m not a “true American”

    I plan to stay at home, actually take the time to cook a nice meal for myself, get high and then eat the entire meal I made for myself. I’ll probably watch all 13 episodes of Jessica Jones and fall asleep on the couch. I dream of Thanksgiving weekend all year, just so I can spend some time with myself.

    edit: yeah, I know this post is actually about a family of raccoons. I still stand by my decision to sleep on the couch.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      wafflesfriendsworkYarnBomb2
      11/25/15 12:40pm

      I won’t be with my family for Thanksgiving, but my dad has told me that my uncle apparently has (favorable?) opinions on Trump so I’ve asked my sister to text me everything he says

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      Jackie_Jormp_JompYarnBomb2
      11/25/15 12:48pm
      GIF

      You’re doing Thanksgiving right. And don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise!

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    Ladyheatherlee 2016 EditionErin Gloria Ryan
    11/25/15 12:06pm

    And again I sit here wishing with every ounce of my being that I was going to be spending my holidays with family. Why do the people with asshole families have to see theirs on the regular when I get to see my awesome family never?

    SIGH.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      Kim Jong's AngstLadyheatherlee 2016 Edition
      11/25/15 12:09pm

      We don’t get it either.

      SIGH

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      McBobLadyheatherlee 2016 Edition
      11/25/15 12:45pm

      Because the asshole families basically use the holidays as a way to continue to abuse you. In a normal family “Sorry you can’t make the holidays this year, we’ll miss you.” Asshole family “Oh, so you don’t want to spend time with us, I understand, too good for the family. We suffered so much to raise you and this is the thanks we get, on thanksgiving, you’re so ungrateful. Uncle Grabby has been asking about you, he’s going to be so disappointed you think you’re above him now. Uncle Crazy heard you might not be voting for Trump, despite the way we raised you, and he wants you to call him even if you don’t show up.” This will go on for months, usually starting in August. Eventually, most people in crap families just decide eating the shit sandwich of a meal with assholes instead of the months of guilt.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    HarvestMoonCat: Alias InvestigationsErin Gloria Ryan
    11/25/15 12:14pm

    do you ever think that even though your cat is your best friend you are not theirs?

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      Erin Gloria RyanHarvestMoonCat: Alias Investigations
      11/25/15 12:15pm

      constantly

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      Tennis, More TennisHarvestMoonCat: Alias Investigations
      11/25/15 12:26pm

      My god I’m constantly fretting over where I stand with my cats. I think that means I may have hit insecurity rock bottom.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    Bobby FingerErin Gloria Ryan
    11/25/15 12:06pm

    Thanksgiving dinner is so rough when you’ve got hydrophobia.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      halifax with the hot gray takeBobby Finger
      11/25/15 12:37pm

      my family’s real tight, and our core body temp is too low to harbor the virus, so...

      #teammarsupial

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      accordingtoBobby Finger
      11/25/15 1:13pm

      and please remember - the state health department needs to test the brain tissue to confirm or deny the presence of rabies. When you’re trying to determine the best method to humanely euthanize a possibly rabid family member, keep this in mind.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    lunchcomaErin Gloria Ryan
    11/25/15 12:21pm

    11. If two of your relatives decide to mate noisily on the roof during dinner, either politely ignore them or go up to watch the fun.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      AllieCat ❤️'S hats on cats-is probable weirdolunchcoma
      11/25/15 1:13pm

      12 If you’re walking on the path outside at night and a family member jumps onto the path in front of you and stares you down, don’t try to confront your family member. They are NOT afraid of you and yelling probably won't make them leave. Back away slowly and take another path. Don't be a hero with Uncle Fred. It isn't worth it.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      Betty shooting birdsAllieCat ❤️'S hats on cats-is probable weirdo
      11/25/15 2:30pm

      Why aren’t they afraid? I just don’t get it. Every other critter that size will run away if I yell and stomp my feet and clap my hands (folk dancing is frightening y’all) but raccoons just sit there looking at you.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    Owlrich Erin Gloria Ryan
    11/25/15 12:16pm

    I thought my family was one very tall, small-headed man in a trench coat, but it turns out it was a stack of dwarves??? Please advise.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      Ph Dad wants an ally cookieOwlrich
      11/25/15 12:36pm

      They prefer to be called “Durin’s Kin”

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      DeccaLeChatOwlrich
      11/25/15 5:15pm

      Important questions: are they miners? Are you Snow White? If so, avoid apple pie this holiday.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    HecateBarTheDoorErin Gloria Ryan
    11/25/15 12:33pm

    You gotta lock up your little pet door at night or your family will come in a eat up all the Meow Mix.

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      DeccaLeChatHecateBarTheDoor
      11/25/15 5:16pm

      And then when you confront them at 2 in the morning they will stand perfectly still and pretend to be invisible when they’re clearly right FUCKING THERE IN FRONT OF YOU!

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    PC Police Department (the only good kind of police)Erin Gloria Ryan
    11/25/15 12:17pm

    So, basicially, act like a person should in polite society and not like people do on Jezebel? Avoid controversial topics, don’t judge people, no passive aggressive behavior... But... but... How can we shame people as morally inferior to feel good about ourselves?

    Reply
    <
    • Read More
      lunchcomaPC Police Department (the only good kind of police)
      11/25/15 12:25pm

      You’re still superior to your relatives by virtue of not eating all the cat’s food. Just feel virtuous afterwards.

      Reply
      <
    • Read More
      thespotteddogPC Police Department (the only good kind of police)
      11/25/15 12:25pm

      Remember: don’t talk about Cousin Carol’s new boyfriend.

      Reply
      <
  • Read More
    arewemenoramidevoErin Gloria Ryan
    11/25/15 12:39pm

    “some uncles are covered in a layer of dense fur designed to protect them from the elements”

    Now that I’ve been specifically mentioned in a Jezebel article, I feel like it’s all downhill from here.

    Reply
    <