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    ArdenJason Parham
    11/05/15 1:30pm

    ‘Slow Walkers’ and ‘Groups Of Friends Who Walk Shoulder-to-Shoulder’ all have a special place in Hell.

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      kushiroArden
      11/05/15 1:39pm

      What about ‘People Who Walk In Slow, Alternating Diagonals”?

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      GrumpyEagleArden
      11/05/15 1:48pm

      In my neighborhood, we have “Russian Blockades”, groups of 2 or 3 elderly ladies who slowly, deliberately walk closely together (even arm-in-arm). Attempts to pass them, even with a polite “good morning” or “excuse me”, are met with baleful looks and dark mutterings in their native tongue.

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    flamingolingoJason Parham
    11/05/15 2:04pm

    How on earth do slow walkers function? Why are their legs made of lead and their shoes filled with rocks? Why do they enjoy being sidewalk turtles? Do they leave days ahead of time in order to make appointments? Is going to the corner store an all-day event for them? Are they slow in other ways? Explain yourselves!

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      IAmNotADamnWriterflamingolingo
      11/05/15 2:41pm

      Imminent death slows one down.

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      Constant Colorsflamingolingo
      11/05/15 3:23pm

      And why must they all be herd animals? You can usually get around one person. But they almost always seem to migrate in packs. I don’t even know how this is possible, do they have meetings? How do they all get to the same point in space at the same time, going as slow as they do?

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    IAMBlastedBiggsLostBurnerJason Parham
    11/05/15 1:31pm

    And, in related news, a whopping 97% of those over 55 say that those young punks can walk wherever they damn well want to, so long as it’s not the mall. Or their lawn. And without the loud bumpity bump bump music they all go crazy for.

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      OctoberSurpriseJason Parham
      11/05/15 1:44pm
      GIF
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        TruthJason Parham
        11/05/15 3:21pm

        Please build these in Manhattan.

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          Taylor BermanJason Parham
          11/05/15 1:28pm

          What’s the rush?

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            Jason ParhamTaylor Berman
            11/05/15 1:37pm

            Life is short. I’ve got places to be!

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            ThewalkingdudeTaylor Berman
            11/05/15 2:31pm

            Hey, no one is saying you have to walk faster. We just want you to get the fuck out of the way.

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          AgathonJason Parham
          11/05/15 1:33pm

          Sounds like it’s going to be just as effective as the “stand to the right” rules on escalators & moving walkways.

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            auntiegrizzlyAgathon
            11/05/15 2:31pm

            Which are astonishingly effective here in London. Spend more than a microsecond taking up the left-hand side of any escalator step on the tube, which as any fool knows is the ‘passing lane’ not the ‘standing lane’, and you’ll hear SCUSEME MATE behind your left earhole and feel a gentle shove to the right as that person pushes past you regardless of your sensitive feelings about taking time to stop and smell the roses and that.

            The passing-on-the-right system allows for thousands more people to filter through the transport system every day. Or to put it another way, the dead asses blocking people from overtaking them are trying to take food right out of the mouths of the hungry children belonging to thousands of London’s commuters every day.

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          Armageddon T. ThunderbirdJason Parham
          11/05/15 1:28pm

          The best part of that link is the Scrote’N’Tote.

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            Engineer_I_amJason Parham
            11/05/15 1:24pm

            Gotta get home fast for dinner. The rat in the trap may start rotting soon.

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              EvenBaggierTrousersJason Parham
              11/05/15 1:55pm

              If, by this, they mean a lane for people who want to walk slow, look at their phones and glance up every 20 feet to make sure they aren’t about to fall off a fucking cliff, and another lane for people who have to get some fucking where, then... yes, please.

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