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    ad infinitumMelissa Cronin
    10/05/15 10:44pm

    One of my dogs likes to chew holes in underwear, socks, t-shirts, and sheets. Last week she chewed a hole in my top sheet while I was asleep, poked her head through, and promptly got stuck. And even while she was trapped in the hole she herself had chewed, she kept shooting me these, “Who, me? I have no idea how this bizarre and totally mysterious thing happened!” looks. Dumb dog.

    Of course, my other, much smarter dog likes to retrieve bloody tampons out of the trash, and his surfeit of intelligence means I haven’t been able been to find a latch he can’t get through. I’m not sure which one is worse!

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      Vectoriousad infinitum
      10/05/15 10:52pm

      One of my dogs really enjoys plush toys, while the other can’t be bothered and plays by himself with tennis balls in the yard. So needless to say, having an infant around has been interesting. We’re constantly trying to keep the toys and stuffed animals up off the floor and some place safe. Well, sometimes, you just can’t. I bought a Goodnight Moon book set that came with the book and a little plush toy of the character from the book. That lasted about two days. My husband found the poor little rabbit in pajamas full of holes and covered in dirt, being throw around by the dog that doesn’t bother taking toys. Our theory is the toy stealing dog snuck it outside to chew on and then got bored and came in (he’s a couch potato) and because it was out there, the saintly, non-toy stealer saw it as fair game and went crazy playing with it outside. We really think the toy stealer framed the hell out of the other one. It was sad for all of us really. Dogs are hilarious.

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      LibrarySchoolDropoutad infinitum
      10/05/15 10:56pm

      The day my now husband chased my German Shepherd around the house and wrestled a bloody tampon out of her mouth was the day I knew I would end marrying him.

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    GregSamsaMelissa Cronin
    10/05/15 10:55pm

    Sometimes I wish my dog did things like this. He does not chew on things he shouldn’t. He does not eat things he shouldn’t. He does nothing that causes any consternation at all, except for freaking out on larger dogs and food delivery guys. And even with delivery guys, he’s been slacking off lately.

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      VectoriousGregSamsa
      10/05/15 11:00pm

      You are one of the lucky ones.

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      yahyahgahboreGregSamsa
      10/05/15 11:56pm

      this is my baby boy. he doesn’t have a naughty bone in his body. he loves everyone, never cruises the counters, never chews up his toys. he’s just an angel. but you have to watch him, b/c 99 out of 100 times he’ll be perfect, and then that 10oth time, watch out.

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    ErinMelissa Cronin
    10/05/15 10:41pm

    I have one of those (that's a white floor btw)

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      TabithaErin
      10/05/15 10:50pm

      holy shit I’m sorry

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      phunkshunErin
      10/05/15 10:52pm

      Good job kiddo. If you’re gonna do it, do it full tilt.

      Absolute destruction.

      Also, why were you keeping bags of potting soil in the bathroom?

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    KaidogMelissa Cronin
    10/05/15 11:22pm

    I can beat every out-of-control canine destruction story.

    Four years ago I bought a Prius. We live in a rural area and always have at least four dogs to keep us company, usually German shepherds. In our area, it’s not uncommon for pack rats and such to get inside the engine compartment of your car and make themselves at home.

    Well. Apparently that’s what happened, one fine autumn afternoon, when I was working in the study and all four of our dogs were camped out on the driveway, enjoying the sun. Somehow, someway, some little critter got under the hood of my nearly-new Prius.

    Husband came home and asked me if I knew what the dogs had been up to. ‘Uh, no?’ I replied. He led me to the driveway.

    The dogs had done absolutely everything in their canine power to evict the rodent from its hiding place. The front end of my Prius loked like it had been dismantled by infuriated velociraptors... Wires everywhere, a wheel well liner torn to shreds, a dangling headlight, chunks of molding scattered around the driveway, part of the fender hanging off, one of the dogs chewing on what was left of a fog lamp.

    Turned out that my faithful pups had done more that maim the front end; they’d managed to decouple the nickel hydride battery from the motor, causing 15K in damage and totaling my new car.

    And you cry over a couch.

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      Little Red HatchbackKaidog
      10/06/15 12:12am

      That hurt me so deep. So deep. Did your insurance provide coverage for acts of... er... dog?

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      bt890Kaidog
      10/06/15 12:51am

      I have to know, too—-did the insurance cover any of the damage? I’m hoping they did because,....wow.

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    KaidogMelissa Cronin
    10/05/15 10:46pm

    Malamutes and huskies.... they’re hyperactive, house-destroying lovable lunatics. We’ve had German shepherds for 20 years but someday I want a Mal!

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      Slay.douché - (dreams to be a puppy)Kaidog
      10/05/15 10:52pm

      Malamutes and huskies they’re hyperactive, house-destroying lovable lunatics

      :) So are australian Blue Heelers - but also *oh* so smart and awesome.

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      KaidogSlay.douché - (dreams to be a puppy)
      10/05/15 10:53pm

      So so smart!

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    Mok, the Magic ManMelissa Cronin
    10/05/15 10:58pm

    “Quid pro quo, Clarice.”

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      Snail-Mail-BrideMok, the Magic Man
      10/05/15 11:09pm

      “Quid pro quo, Clarice.” Except, in that movie, he wasn’t trying to kill her.

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      Evil Roy SladeMok, the Magic Man
      10/05/15 11:48pm

      Holy shit this is so good. +1

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    It'sNotEasyBeingGreyMelissa Cronin
    10/05/15 11:00pm

    I have a kitten who constantly looks shocked.

    I’m not sure what her endgame is yet, though.

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      Snail-Mail-BrideIt'sNotEasyBeingGrey
      10/05/15 11:07pm

      She’s trying to find her way to me, her new owner. Notsorry.

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    99Telep☺dpr☹blemsMelissa Cronin
    10/05/15 10:42pm

    Insanity Wolf lives!

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      Jiubreyn99Telep☺dpr☹blems
      10/05/15 10:51pm

      OMG this picture had me laughing so hard I couldn't breathe and started coughing. <3❤️💕

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      anhalibut99Telep☺dpr☹blems
      10/06/15 8:02am

      Insanity puppy is fun too.

      and this one’s good.

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    faaipdeoiadMelissa Cronin
    10/05/15 11:00pm

    My little girl Rottweiler ... has a jealousy problem.

    See, I’m recently divorced and have been, shall we say, enjoying my single days. As such, articles of clothing will find themselves on the floor from time to time.

    This lady has never touched ANYTHING of mine ... but she has destroyed more pants and panties and other underthings of, um, guests than I can even begin to recall.

    Fortunately, she’s cute enough to be quickly forgiven ...

    “So, she won’t be coming back, will she?”

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      stacyinbeanMelissa Cronin
      10/05/15 10:39pm

      Yesterday I cleaned out my attic space and found an old bed my dog refused to sleep on when we bought it last year. I put it on the floor planning to throw it in the trash later. Two hours later I find the damn dog asleep on the thing. He's sleeping on it again right now. Incorrigible little punks.

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