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    MattJay Hathaway
    10/05/15 12:01pm

    Augustus Sol Invictus, Floridian former lawyer and current Libertarian candidate for Senate, once described himself as “of genius intellect,” “God’s gift to humankind where the English language is concerned,” and “everything you ever wanted to be.” Critics describe him as “a self-proclaimed fascist” and “absolute insanity.” One time, he killed a goat and drank its blood.

    He sounds like he’d be a fun guy to hang around.

    On a related note, this guy is definitive proof that God exists, because its nothing short of a miracle that he has not been beaten to death by literally everyone he encounters. On the down side, apparently God favors assholes.

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      10" Rubber BilboMatt
      10/05/15 12:06pm

      *...apparently God favors assholes. *

      We’ve been saying that for years.

      —the Gay Community

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      MattMatt
      10/05/15 12:06pm

      Adding because I can't edit the original post: 100 to 1 odds that this name isn't what he was born with and he chose this one himself.

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    mjskyeJay Hathaway
    10/05/15 12:04pm

    Goat’s blood? Who cares! It was the “editor of a poetry journal” that made the coke shoot from my nose!

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      Gregoiremjskye
      10/05/15 12:06pm

      Editors of poetry journals are one degree below pedophiles in my opinion.

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      Norm Charlatanmjskye
      10/05/15 12:07pm

      If you’re doing coke, you should offer Augustus a bump.

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    GrammaRayBurstJay Hathaway
    10/05/15 12:20pm

    His fake accent is amaaaazing. He sounds like the guy who built Rapture in Bioshock:

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      Don't drone me broGrammaRayBurst
      10/05/15 12:29pm

      I could listen to this type of bizarre monologuing all day long. His silver tongue has given me the vapors, I do declare.

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      GrammaRayBurstDon't drone me bro
      10/05/15 12:33pm

      He sounds like a villainous animal in a Madagascar sequel.

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    tornadoslackssJay Hathaway
    10/05/15 12:06pm

    I’m glad I’m not friends with him. His braggy longwinded Christmas cards have to be a nightmare.

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      nice_marmottornadoslackss
      10/05/15 1:06pm

      “At this year’s solstice our beautiful and talented daughter Madison Sol Invictus sacrificed her first goat! The High Priest said it was the best first sacrifice he’d ever seen. She cried when we made her cut its throat, and she wasn’t too sure about drinking fresh blood right from the goat, but by sunrise she was slaughtering goats left and right! We sure are proud of our little Maddy Invictus and we can’t wait for her to start kindergarten next fall! “

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      tornadoslackssnice_marmot
      10/05/15 1:11pm

      See, this right here was what I was hoping for! Beautiful.

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    HoldenCashJay Hathaway
    10/05/15 12:49pm

    “I did sacrifice a goat. I know that’s probably a quibble in the mind of most Americans,” he said. “I sacrificed an animal to the god of the wilderness ... Yes, I drank the goat’s blood.”

    this is the future of the Republican party

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      nice_marmotHoldenCash
      10/05/15 1:07pm

      Now that I think about it, this could just as easily be a Dick Cheney story.

      With a person in place of the goat, of course.

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      BenDover,EsqHoldenCash
      10/05/15 1:34pm

      +1 Crystal Ball With Good Batteries

      A question, however: Are you faulting or commending those who seek to follow the teachings of such an authority as God, speaking through Moses, who clearly called for goat offerings for sins committed through ignorance? (Shhh... don’t tell ‘em that Christians don’t really have to do sacrifices.)

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    RooseveltsRevengeJay Hathaway
    10/05/15 12:10pm

    We are all the little girl on the left of the screen.

    Rocking back and forth, wondering when this brave idiot will be finished, and then giving up 5 minutes in.

    Notice he starts talking a lot faster when she left. He knew.

    “I’m losing them...”

    No, Augustus. You lost us when you gave that smug smile after being introduced, as if to say “Here I go again on my own, Going down the only road I ever known!” I bet that was playing in your head the whole time, you jack ass.

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      VtDkDudeRooseveltsRevenge
      10/05/15 12:37pm

      I only made it through “They say that only failures become revolutionaries” and I stopped. I think it was the haircut.

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      RooseveltsRevengeVtDkDude
      10/05/15 12:53pm

      Oh I had to fast forward my way to 6 minutes on my iPad.

      Horrible haircut. Just horrible.

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    NoButWait Hates Your GoT Fan TheoriesJay Hathaway
    10/05/15 12:20pm

    I’ll give anyone ten bucks if they can hang around with him for 45 minutes without losing their minds and/or punching him.

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      EL34NoButWait Hates Your GoT Fan Theories
      10/05/15 12:46pm

      I’m in Florida, and I can always use a tenner. I’ll be sure to get video...

      “I do this deed for my fellow man, I do this deed for Kinja, and by God I do this noble and perilous deed for ten dollars!”

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      NoButWait Hates Your GoT Fan TheoriesEL34
      10/05/15 12:55pm

      Please be assured that I, a faceless person on the internet with a burner account, am totally good for that ten dollars. But no, if you can actually do it, I’ll Paypal you the A-Ham. In fact, it’s yours even if you do punch him in the face. Actually, I’ll give you a Jackson for that.

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    ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ : Riot GRRR is RUNNING WILDJay Hathaway
    10/05/15 12:11pm
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      Gay Drunk Patriots FanJay Hathaway
      10/05/15 2:20pm

      7/10 would bang. Hard to say. I’ve had worse.

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        kareemaGay Drunk Patriots Fan
        10/05/15 4:19pm

        Whoa, you GOTTA give yourself more credit than that.

        Honestly.

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        Gay Drunk Patriots Fankareema
        10/05/15 6:36pm

        Yeah actually you know what? I didn’t actually watch the video before I commented. Can I take that back? TOOL TOOL TOOL TOOL HOLY JOGGING JESUS WAT THE FAK SHADDUP.

        Also dude next time? You want to make it to the podium before the applause stops. So much awkward. SO MUCH tool.

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      Cam/ronJay Hathaway
      10/05/15 12:09pm

      Reminds me of an old Tom Hanks movie:

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        HerbertHasCandyCam/ron
        10/05/15 12:39pm

        Pagans have the best parties!

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        nice_marmotCam/ron
        10/05/15 12:50pm

        Nicely done.

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