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    antlersunglassesJuniper Fitzgerald
    9/14/15 5:44pm

    Da fuq did I just read?

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      Gopher Traceantlersunglasses
      9/14/15 5:47pm

      What the fuck is this shit???

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      ilostmyoldburnerantlersunglasses
      9/14/15 5:47pm

      Essays like this certainly appear in a somewhat different light after reading this, this morning: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/...

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    northern eyeJuniper Fitzgerald
    9/14/15 5:58pm

    I really need to listen to the little voice that says: “Stop reading. Now. You read three sentences, you gave it a fair shot. You know this will not get better. Or go anywhere. And you have over-due library books that you actually like reading.”

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      Selena MacIntoshnorthern eye
      9/14/15 6:43pm
      GIF

      Hear, hear. I’m not getting that time back. I could have watched paint dry, or matched socks, or stared into space for 10 minutes, and I picked this word salad.

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      VonQuesoSelena MacIntosh
      9/14/15 9:00pm

      Saving this gif forever and ever.

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    Ms.ChanandlerBongJuniper Fitzgerald
    9/14/15 5:47pm

    All I want to say is that if you want to write about something, presumably it’s because you want people to hear you out and possibly take you seriously, so don’t use the words “preggo” and “baby daddy”.

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      whiskey-wafflesMs.ChanandlerBong
      9/14/15 5:54pm

      You and your standards... pshhhh.

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      VonQuesoMs.ChanandlerBong
      9/14/15 9:01pm

      Everyone on my facebook who is pregnant only refers to themselves in the third person as “preggo” anymore. O.o

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    disastergirlJuniper Fitzgerald
    9/14/15 5:52pm

    I read the whole thing, I wish I didn’t.

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      Ms.ChanandlerBongdisastergirl
      9/14/15 5:57pm

      This picture is amazing

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    ilostmyoldburnerJuniper Fitzgerald
    9/14/15 5:58pm

    After reading both the article and the article tags, I kind of feel like Jez might be trolling everyone with this essay in response to today’s Slate piece.

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      gatoradesilostmyoldburner
      9/14/15 8:31pm

      At first I thought it might have been total satire cause of the ridiculously precious author name that almost sounds made up — Juniper Fitzgerald — but she has a Twitter and is SO AMUSED that everyone hates this.

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      ilostmyoldburnergatorades
      9/14/15 8:34pm

      *checks Twitter*

      Oh. Yes. Yep. This is a real thing.

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    SuffersfoolsgladlyJuniper Fitzgerald
    9/14/15 7:06pm

    This is disturbing on so many levels I don’t even know what I’m thinking right now. To make matters still worse, it was also boring.. but in a disturbing way.

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      Selfie-consciousSuffersfoolsgladly
      9/14/15 8:27pm

      When someone writes about ‘porn’ ‘motherhood’ ‘mushrooms’ ‘pumping milk’ ‘school girls’ ‘hemmroids’ and I can’t pay attention for more than 30 seconds.... something is wrong with the essay.

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      SuffersfoolsgladlySelfie-conscious
      9/15/15 8:43am

      Yes..so very very wrong. Also, we need to get that baby out of there.

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    CanthaveitallJuniper Fitzgerald
    9/14/15 8:19pm

    Awe, man. I was really hoping this was going to be tips on how to be a new mom and still do all the weird sex shit you wanted before. My partner and I had just gotten into costumes (for me) and taping ourselves going at it when I found out I was pregnant. Going totally sober and hormones tanked my sex drive and I miss all the crazy things we used to get into. I don’t feel like I can have an infant AND a sex dungeon set up in the basement simultaneously. :/

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      Setzer777Canthaveitall
      9/14/15 8:25pm

      “I don’t feel like I can have an infant AND a sex dungeon set up in the basement simultaneously.”

      It’s easy! Just get a crib that looks like an iron cage and it will fit in perfectly.

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      KinseyCanthaveitall
      9/14/15 10:02pm

      You can. You totally can. You’ll probably have to wait til the newborn stage is past - those first 3 months are pretty brutal. After that, it’s not so bad — I swear.

      A happy sex life is part of a happy marriage. And happy marriages help make happier kids.

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    buskerdooJuniper Fitzgerald
    9/14/15 6:04pm

    Even if there was an interesting personal essay behind this, I could barely find it behind all your witchy ho perv special snowflake gobbledy gook prose.

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      My dear, sweet brother Numsie!Juniper Fitzgerald
      9/14/15 6:17pm

      I’m basically the little girl in the yellow shirt right now.

      GIF
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        Ari Schwartz: Dark Lord of the SnarkJuniper Fitzgerald
        9/14/15 6:41pm

        But I am an awkward emotional wreck by nature

        Huh.

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