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    fortheloveofbeetsBobby Finger
    7/29/15 9:42am

    Wow, definitely thought you meant that Ben Affleck was dating Fran Drescher, and my mind was blown for a minute.

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      Lindafortheloveofbeets
      7/29/15 9:49am

      Yeah me too. That was a major celebrity WTF moment.

      I have to separate my WTFs into hard news, politics, celebrities, in order to apply the correct amount of shock and or outrage.

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      Charlotte29 aka Rob Kfortheloveofbeets
      7/29/15 9:50am

      I THOUGHT THAT TOO! And I was like “BEST DIRTBAG LEDE EVER.” And then I was disappointed. And then saddened by the garbage pail that was the rest of the stories (not Bobby’s writing which was brilliant as usual to be clear, just the tabloids somehow being more disgusting than usual).

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    VoteyMcVotefaceThePartyVoteDriverBobby Finger
    7/29/15 9:44am

    She was looking for some work—she didn’t want a fling—when she got a nanny job with Ben and Jen this spring. What was she to do, what was she to say, she needed the money. But over the next few months her bosses went to war—she was there to watch the children, but their father saw more. She had youth! Jen went poof! It’s the truth! Ben fell in love with his nanny.

    Who would have guessed that the girl we described, was just exactly what Ben’s penis prescribed? Now Jen Garner found her disgusting - she let her go! And now Ben’s on top of her thrusting - His rep says ‘no!’ She’s the lady in bed, next to Ben Affleck: the man of her dreeeeeeams.

    His twenty-something rebound - the nanny, Christine!

    Shut it down folks. Bobby wins at Kinja for today. This is truly excellent Kinja that will not be duplicated. Go home everyone.

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      Charlotte29 aka Rob KVoteyMcVotefaceThePartyVoteDriver
      7/29/15 9:51am

      Bobby Finger just wins, period. I want to be Bobby Finger when I grow up.

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      DayWalkingGingerVoteyMcVotefaceThePartyVoteDriver
      7/29/15 9:54am

      Was thinking the exact same thing...until I realized he successfully got the theme to The Nanny in my head which will most likely stay there until the end of days.

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    ValeriesDancingMuppetsBobby Finger
    7/29/15 9:47am

    Oh Ben, how fucking cliche.

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      benjaminalloverValeriesDancingMuppets
      7/29/15 9:50am

      What a dick. Fucking someone you and your wife hired to care for your children, whom you let into your private family space? So much worse than cheating outside the home. How shitty for Jennifer.

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      ValeriesDancingMuppetsbenjaminallover
      7/29/15 9:53am

      Ugh god and to imagine them all over your house! I don’t know that I’d be able to handle that.

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    randilynBobby Finger
    7/29/15 9:46am

    why would anyone read the story? This is enough. ETA: nevermind. Go back and read the story.

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      GELLA - LLAPrandilyn
      7/29/15 9:51am

      1st its deflataball and now this. There are a lot of deflations in that family.

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      randilynGELLA - LLAP
      7/29/15 9:55am
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    tealstarBobby Finger
    7/29/15 9:49am

    I’ll never understand why women in their 20s are willing to waste some of their best years on some old dude’s midlife crisis. Especially since between whatever Jen’s settlement will be and the three kids, a huge portion of his money is spoken for.

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      Miss Chanandler Bongtealstar
      7/29/15 10:03am

      Right? It’s one thing to waste a few months on a cutie with ZERO long-term potential, but I don’t understand the appeal of fucking with someone’s family.

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      HarvestMoontealstar
      7/29/15 10:21am

      Even post settlement, if she snagged Affleck she have would mountains more money than she would ever see in a typical marriage.

      But sadly for her he had zero plans of putting a ring on it.

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    randilynBobby Finger
    7/29/15 9:44am

    It wasn’t until I remembered that Fran Drescher was happily married to Shiva Ayyadurai that I realized you didn’t literally mean Fraben. Dreschfleck?

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      digbetterandilyn
      7/29/15 9:48am

      Ben Affleck dating Fran Drescher would be a goddamn dream come true! Sadly, alas, it turns out he’s just an old sleaze :( :(

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      Jan74digbette
      7/29/15 9:57am

      I am sad that this nanny is named Christine. I was hoping for Jennifer. I want him to only date people named Jennifer.

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    Cylontater: Luke Skywalker's Baby MamaBobby Finger
    7/29/15 9:42am

    Who would have guessed that the girl we described, was just exactly what Ben’s penis prescribed? Now Jen Garner found her disgusting - she let her go! And now Ben’s on top of her thrusting - His rep says ‘no!’ She’s the lady in bed, next to Ben Affleck: the man of her dreeeeeeams.

    NEVER stop doing what you do Bobby. You’re amazing.

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      filmantopiaCylontater: Luke Skywalker's Baby Mama
      7/29/15 10:28am

      Couldn't not find this after reading.

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    randilynBobby Finger
    7/29/15 9:52am

    Sorry. I’ve got to agree with Celebitchy. But I’m not sure I’d like this shirt on anyone, 17 or not.

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      greenqueenjaerandilyn
      7/29/15 9:58am

      Yeah like it’s pretty gross as it is (which miiight be kinda funny on an adult) but on an actual child it’s v upsetting...

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      Shiny Chrome Witnessedbotrandilyn
      7/29/15 9:59am

      Ew. Just.... ew.

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    Starling81Bobby Finger
    7/29/15 9:49am

    Can we please agree to stop posting articles and comments about how wonderful Empire is? I mean, I get that it is a good show, but I refuse to support anything starring that piece of shit Terrence Howard. I hate him so much!

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      Cherith CutestoryStarling81
      7/29/15 10:01am

      It’s a little odd how we so loudly denounce professional boxing and the NFL for continuing to support POS wife/girlfriend beaters. But we tend to stay quiet about the Terrence Howards and Taryn Mannings because they are on something we like.

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      KatoCherith Cutestory
      7/29/15 10:22am

      Wait, what's that about Taryn Manning? Please dish.

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    Cylontater: Luke Skywalker's Baby MamaBobby Finger
    7/29/15 9:45am

    I can’t read one more story about an animal dying. It’s been too much.

    RIP Demi’s doggy.

    GIF
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      SuffersfoolsgladlyCylontater: Luke Skywalker's Baby Mama
      7/29/15 9:53am

      Do as I do, employ the “squinty skim and scroll” when navigating the thread!

      Simply scrunch up your eyes so that copy is barely legible and if you see anything with “animal”, “dies”, “horrible” or the name “Cecil the Lion”, scroll like mad past it. Do NOT give in to the impulse to click, keep your mind on how good you will feel not knowing what happened.

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      Miss Chanandler BongSuffersfoolsgladly
      7/29/15 10:01am

      Heh, I do the same thing for celebrities who I don’t find charming. Rhianna, Gaga, Miley, the eyebrow chick? Squint squint squint, scroll scroll scroll.

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