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Andrew MochulskyAndy Cush
6/29/15 6:31pm
They’re saying it would take a programmer a solid year plus of full-time work (no vacation!) to make old email records searchable. This is such obvious bullshit, it boggles the mind. But, just for the sake of argument, let’s assume these idiots have the kind of common sense that just barely prevents them from pissing into their own faces at the urinal. Here’s how to do it, with zero programming, or even attempts at backwards compatibility:
1. Actually print paper copies of all the emails sequentially. No searching required!
2. Feed those paper copies into a scanner. No searching required!
3. Look up something called “OCR.” WARNING: searching on the Internet Superhighway required. Defer to your 13-year-old niece/nephew.
4. Let the OCR device do what it is designed to do. This might take a “clock hour.” Perhaps a few. Current estimates are somewhere lower than 6,694.
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  JoblessWonderAndrew Mochulsky
  6/29/15 6:57pm
  They are claiming that there is no way to “print” the e-mails because it is going to take someone over one full year to somehow regenerate access to them. They charged 10 hours to print out the e-mails.
  
  I mean, even if they are in LotusNotes I can get you access to them in no time. And seriously, fuck LotusNotes.
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  Andrew MochulskyJoblessWonder
  6/29/15 8:53pm
  I’ve been poring over their annual budgets, and while I’m seeing a FY 2013-14 objective to “Implement Auto Archiving and Fast Retrieval of Email” (lol wut), the only indication of specific and potentially problematic email architecture I’ve found is the FY 2012-13 accomplishment of “E-Discovery Email.” Whether they mean the Symantec platform or not, that wouldn’t/shouldn’t have a substantive impact on the actual emails themselves.
  
  Oh do I hate when local governments think they can just be fucks. I hate it oh so much.
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MisterPigginsAndy Cush
6/29/15 6:49pm
They probably keep it on the Reel to Reel and have it programmed in COBOL.
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  001110000011000000111000MisterPiggins
  6/29/15 8:07pm
  I’m thinking paper tape.
  
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  matt.maraMisterPiggins
  6/29/15 8:31pm
  Nonsense! That’s way too advanced for a Texas police department! It’s obviously programmed in FLOW-MATIC.
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╰(　´◔　ω　◔ `)╯< Woke and BokeAndy Cush
6/29/15 6:17pm

GIF

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  sfmountainbiker╰(　´◔　ω　◔ `)╯< Woke and Boke
  6/29/15 7:09pm
  2,231 hours...working 8 hours a day....
  
  279 days... working 5 days a week...
  
  56 weeks of employment! Just make sure that bird doesn’t tip over.
  
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gingerhammeredAndy Cush
6/29/15 6:10pm
They’ve got a high school football stadium to pay for, praise Jesus.
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  Xtofergingerhammered
  6/29/15 7:18pm
  
  GIF
  
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  Mok, the Magic ManXtofer
  6/29/15 9:44pm
  CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS, DON’T RAPE
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Chris7BAAndy Cush
6/29/15 6:08pm
Just get Anonymous to hack their servers for you.
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Cam/ronAndy Cush
6/29/15 6:07pm
You do know you have to slip that 78 grand into a station clerk’s hand before he does a 10-second database search, right?
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BooBearSmashAndy Cush
6/29/15 6:07pm
Y’all should counter with an invoice for having to read their bullshit.
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TheRainInSpain'sTherapistAndy Cush
6/29/15 6:03pm
Hi, I’m Texas and I do whatever the fuck I want!
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  AskYourMotherTheRainInSpain'sTherapist
  6/29/15 6:08pm
  That’s a start, but you’ll still have to work all 12 steps.
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  Cam/ronTheRainInSpain'sTherapist
  6/29/15 6:11pm
  
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EyeHeartPieAndy Cush
6/29/15 6:05pm
You know, there’s actually a city in Texas, near Houston, called Texas City. Made the title a little confusing.

PS: can I please be followed/ungreyed? I swear I’m a good boy and not a spammer or troll.
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  BananaRosannaDannaEyeHeartPie
  6/29/15 6:19pm
  I’vebeen here for years, and they keep me in the grey. I have come to the conclusion that only the cool kids get to stay in the shade.
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TelAndy Cush
6/30/15 2:51am
Best of luck.

Err......how to put this. Let me think.......

A “City” I used to work for, well a “department” of said “city” anyway, well umm....

The backbone of the department was a vintage 1970’s era mainframe server and everyone that used it would remote in via a thin client. This thing had been lovingly upgraded and maintained so it’s a modern computer, but it was still running off ancient mainframe protocols. For various reasons the database is locked.

Read that LOCKED.

More information than you could ever want but you can’t configure access to it, you can’t search it, you can’t format it except thru a write once read many style interface. (an ms access db is decades ahead and more configurable)

This lead to many many absurd problems the save/quit function keys are next to each other, forms changed over the years but the data entry interface didn’t, “Fixing” problems relied heavily on one person with permission to edit records.

And this is a cutting edge daily use important system with a multimillion dollar support budget. A city e-mail server? Your probably looking at a cheap POS running outdated propriatory protocols rather than even a humble pop3 system. I don’t doubt that they don’t want to give you those records but geez the amount they quoted to gain access is probably accurate. Cities are really fond of propitiatory gear and generally last longer than the companies that made it.
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  Pop Culture MomTel
  7/03/15 11:11pm
  Thank you for posting this. I think a lot of these commenters just don’t get how small government entities operate. This is some small police department in a (relatively) small town. Updated software probably isn't their top procurement priority.
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