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    intheweedsMadeleine Davies
    6/18/15 5:21pm

    I liked this post very much. Listen, tbh, the only people who’s opinions I want to hear about this posts opinion are queer ones. I’m serious. I see a lot of women in the comments talking about how this post is offensive and the reason bi women have a hard time coming out, etc.

    No, the reason bi women have a hard time coming out is the same reason this problem exists to complain about in the first place: straight or essentially straight women who try queerness on like a coat when it suits them but seriously have nothing but masculinity jokes and hetero apologia when it comes time to be there for other queer women. Women who are swooning over Ruby Rose right now and would probably have a sexual encounter with her, but come on they wouldn’t actually date her. Women who seek out hot lesbians like Ruby Rose and basically use them as a checkbox on their sexual bucket list - ‘lesbian experience’ CHECK! Women who don’t realize that the Ruby Rose type is actually laughably boring and a dime a dozen when you go out meeting other queers in bars and whatnot (yeah, that shit was hot the first time I saw it too, but if there is such a thing as a ‘basic lesbian’ she’s it. She tries too hard. She’s wearing the hot lesbian uniform). Women who are up on OKC hitting on lesbians to tittilate they’re boyfriends. Women who are literally never queer until they need a shield in an argument with another queer woman. Pro-tip: being a queer woman on some level doesn’t make it impossible for you to be homophobic. Also bi women and lesbians are not the same thing. You can’t lump them together in every circumstance.

    No the reason bi women have a hard time coming out can be blamed squarely on the same people who cause problems for all queer people: straight people.

    And this is where lesbians and bi women have to be separated. It’s nice that bi women feel so strongly about everyone being able to experiment all the time and never saying anyone isn’t queer. I see their point, I do. But I also see the lesbian point. Can bi women seriously not see how you ask for that freedom from borders at the expense of lesbians and your gayer than center bi sisters? Who do you think straight women decided they were soooo into? On a show that has had copious hot queer representation for three seasons now? Not the bi women. Not Piper or any other femme. Nope. The classic basic white lesbian. That’s who is taking the brunt of the fetishization and bullshit from straight women. The masculine of center women. Especially those that have a bit of feminine softness. No one likes a fat ugly butch, lets be real. Lesbians are the ones dealing with all this ‘experimentation’. Which I remind you is done on another human being with feelings.

    I know you know this, but if everyone is queer than no one is. If that’s how you want it, then fine, but stop lumping us all together then because if we’re all queer then I would rather go sit with the lesbians, tbh. I do not want to share a queer voice with women who cannot even fathom what I go through. There will be waaaay too many people who simply do not share my experience. I will be in a group with my oppressors and I’m not interested in that. There must be a line somewhere. Come on.

    No, this post is legit and if you have a problem with it, I really think you should consider your feelings towards the rest of the community who isn’t you and maybe put the blame for the problem where it belongs: on straight people - rather than your less privileged lesbian ‘sisters’.

    P.S. to the author: I love this post but it’s brave as hell. You won’t get much love. 97% of feminist women will tell you they’re queer and they will fight you to the teeth if you try and suggest their hetero relationships are more privileged than gay ones and maybe just maybe their voice isn’t coming from a queer lens as much as it’s imagining what it would be if they were in a gay relationship or butch. Yes, it’s possible to be queer and not have a queer lens of lived experience. It’s also possible that half of that 97% is not actually queer but theoretically so.

    I’m just saying, when people call you ‘DYKE’ out of their car windows and drunk men try and fight you in bars because their women looked at you, you lose patience for musings on theoretical queerness.

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      Hthintheweeds
      6/18/15 5:36pm

      You know, I hear you, and I agree with a lot of this, but tbh what made it hard for me to come out as bisexual (to people other than my closest friends, who took me seriously because friends) *really, really was* both straight bullshit and lesbian bullshit. It was *everyone* who told me I was just in college and all the liberal arts majors were doing that these days, and anyway everyone has girl crushes and it didn’t make me special — and yes, most of them were straight (most of everyone is straight), but the lines were no different when I wanted access to queer spaces. Because I was too young, I hadn’t lived it, I thought I was sooo alternative, I’d get over myself soon enough and in the meantime I’d probably break a real queer woman’s heart.

      It’s 20 years later, and I’ve been with my female partner for 13 years, so I actually don’t hear all that anymore. I passed my Big Gay SATs, I guess. But yeah, it’s true that bi women and lesbians often have different concerns. And yeah, it’s true that one real concern is that bi women are often scared out of queer spaces by lesbians who pre-emptively blame us for the imaginary sins we have yet to commit. My experience isn’t universal, but it’s not that uncommon, either, so it’s really just factually incorrect to say that *only* straight narratives and *never* lesbian narratives make the world tougher for bi women.

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      intheweedsHth
      6/18/15 5:49pm

      I would say though that I think we’re agreeing anyway, despite it all. What I’m saying is that yes, lesbians can have attitudes with bi women that feel like a wall being built around queerness or something. Lesbians often look at bi women with suspicion. But those feelings don’t come from nowhere. They are real fears because we both know that this is a thing with too many straight women. So that’s why I say the blame is on straight women. Lesbians attitudes are a reaction to a situation straight women have put them in so in that way, the root of all this is as it always is: with straight people.

      I’m not saying I defend this kind of thing from lesbians, I’m just explaining it here. I mean, I obviously feel somewhat responsible for cleaning up my own sub-community and I’ll be that dyke challenging ‘five stars’ but I get why these attitudes exist. I actually really want to mend this rift, tbh and it sounds like you do too, but I can’t get past the fact that this rift is caused by a common enemy and from the lesbian perspective, I can say that we must get to a point where we can talk about these issues if we’re going to get past them.

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    Ken Yadiggit, AdiosMadeleine Davies
    6/18/15 4:37pm

    I’m torn because while I agree with this...in fact I was pretty pissed that I’ve had friends completely erase my bisexuality and make it seem like any time I expressed my interest in women that I was doing it for attention....and now they all seem to be jumping on the “omg look at me questioning my sexuality lolol” train. Like it’s a big joke to be unsure and confused.

    BUT but but...I also do not want to police young girls sexualities. It may take someone like RubyRose for a person to realize “you know what....”. I didn’t realize I was bi until I was a little older...I repressed a lot of feelings before that. It took Drew Barrymore to bring that out of me.

    It’s just the way people are treating it like a novelty or a joke that makes me less inclined to believe that their attraction is of any certain merit.

    All of that aside, I actually SWOONED the first time I saw her in the OITNB commercial. If my eyes could become little hearts, they would have. But I’m queer as fuck so it’s no new revelation there.

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      FrolickingGiantKen Yadiggit, Adios
      6/18/15 4:43pm

      i legit giggled every time she was on screen. and blushed.

      but ya know i’ve eaten pussy, so i guess that’s okay....hah

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      DarkTowerLateArrivalKen Yadiggit, Adios
      6/18/15 4:43pm

      The LOL, I’m kidding, but not kidding, LOL-ness could very well be testing the water.

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    NtotheItotheCKYMadeleine Davies
    6/18/15 4:33pm

    I may be in the minority but she was annoying, and just a plot device. YUCK.

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      fighting polish is David Schwimmer as Rob Kardashian SrNtotheItotheCKY
      6/18/15 4:37pm

      you are a hater.

      TRUST NO BITCH

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      surprisedcatladyNtotheItotheCKY
      6/18/15 4:39pm

      right??? where was the hot sex promised? handholding and chaste kissing, boringggg

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    Lilly (Hungry hungry hipster!)Madeleine Davies
    6/18/15 4:47pm

    I really, really don’t care if straight women want to make eyes at Ruby Rose. I don’t care if they’re never going to eat pussy, I don’t care what sexuality they identify as. I don’t care if you think that they’re (or if they are) trying to get brownie points for thinking a totally hot girl is hot. I DON’T CARE. STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME CARE.

    I care a lot more about the fact that this Ruby Rose chick is totally bangin’. I haven’t seen the new season of OITNB yet (I’ve been busy), is her character actually cool? Because a lot of the people I find super hot in that show are also super douches. (I’m looking at you, Alex.)

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      Ken Yadiggit, AdiosLilly (Hungry hungry hipster!)
      6/18/15 4:57pm

      Her character is boring and badly acted, but she’s nice to look at sooooooo

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      FrolickingGiantLilly (Hungry hungry hipster!)
      6/18/15 5:00pm

      the real truth. and i feel like im betraying her EVEN SAYING THIS is that ruby rose is not a great actress. Honestly though, I was so distracted by how beautiful she is I didn’t even care (and that never happens-I am the queen of snobbery in the acting department)

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    midnightstreetridesagainMadeleine Davies
    6/18/15 4:47pm

    What is with the tone of this?! I’m bi, and I have no problem with ‘straight’ girls saying this - maybe they’re not straight and this is how they’re finding out? Why are they not allowed to express that they have an unexpected attraction? It’s not taking anything away from me.

    You know what I do find offensive? The notion that “if you’re not going to eat pussy, you’re not a dyke”. That’s offensive to every female-attracted woman who chooses not to engage in oral sex, whatever her reasons (just like lots of gay men choose not to engage in anal sex). It’s also unfair to asexual homoromantic women.

    Seriously, for like the third time this week I’m feeling like you guys need a GLAAD refresher on how not to mess up.

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      YasKweenmidnightstreetridesagain
      6/18/15 5:03pm

      Yeah... This post made me want to jump all the way back into my bisexual closet because I have yet to “eat pussy.”

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      midnightstreetridesagainYasKween
      6/18/15 5:08pm

      I’m sorry bb *hugs*

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    fighting polish is David Schwimmer as Rob Kardashian SrMadeleine Davies
    6/18/15 4:35pm

    in fairness, is it even possible to not be attracted to ruby rose

    also how about that OITNB finale, i just finished, dammmmmmmnnnnnn

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      FrolickingGiantfighting polish is David Schwimmer as Rob Kardashian Sr
      6/18/15 4:38pm
      GIF

      i die.

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      Ken Yadiggit, Adiosfighting polish is David Schwimmer as Rob Kardashian Sr
      6/18/15 4:39pm

      DONT YOU DARE SPOIL ANYTHING I’M ON EP 11

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    adultosaur married anna on the astral planeMadeleine Davies
    6/18/15 4:48pm

    another note: talking about how over ruby rose you are also does not make you edgy.

    no one is edgy. none of you. ZERO PEOPLE ARE EDGY,

    ruby rose, call me.

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      Ken Yadiggit, Adiosadultosaur married anna on the astral plane
      6/18/15 4:57pm

      you’re still using phones? how edgy.

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      randilynadultosaur married anna on the astral plane
      6/18/15 5:09pm
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    buzzgirlMadeleine Davies
    6/18/15 4:42pm

    She’s to 2015 what Angelina Jolie was to 2005. Straight women would totally “go gay” for her. Yawn.

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      MegaMebuzzgirl
      6/18/15 4:53pm

      And what Gina Gershon was to 1996.

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      DuchessCrazyLindabuzzgirl
      6/18/15 4:53pm

      She reminds me of Hackers-era Jolie. Super hot.

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    GreyjoysMissingMemberMadeleine Davies
    6/18/15 4:35pm

    I feel like this is why so many bi women (and men) are afraid to come out and say that they’re bi, because aparently questioning your sexuality is just trying it on for a day and that’s what posers do...

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      Ken Yadiggit, AdiosGreyjoysMissingMember
      6/18/15 4:40pm

      I wonder how many women are bi and feel more comfortable making a joke like “haha ruby rose is making me confused”. It’s easier to laugh about it with everyone else than to come out and say “i find her attractive in the pants region because I am queer”. Hmm...

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      A Small TurnipGreyjoysMissingMember
      6/18/15 4:46pm

      Absolutely. This piece is utterly reductive and unhelpful about something that’s wonderfully, richly complex. People aren’t always precisely sure of what or who they like. Frankly, I think a modest majority of human beings live in that shifting, undefined space. And it’s ok. It truly is. It’s a nice place to be. It’s as valid as any other.

      Nobody gets a cookie for having a crush on someone, but nobody deserves to be sneered at because of a crush either. Crushes are lovely, delicate things. We don’t need to stomp on them.

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    ohstewardessMadeleine Davies
    6/18/15 4:40pm

    If I’m straight and I have a crush on Rachel Maddow, does that make me edgy? The 2008 election season was very confusing for me.

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      ad infinitumohstewardess
      6/18/15 4:49pm

      It’s not having a crush that makes you “edgy.” It’s thinking it somehow makes you special and bragging repeatedly about it on social media (you plural here, not you specifically).

      There’s nothing wrong with crushes. The whole “OMG YOU GUYS! I am thinking about having sex WITH A WOMAN! Can you even IMAGINE? Isn’t that hot and amazing and awesome? Also, are any boys watching? Do they look impressed?” thing so many straight girls and women pull to get attention is kind of gross, however. See also Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl.”

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      Queen of Bithyniaohstewardess
      6/18/15 4:57pm

      If I’m gay but have a crush on Rachel Maddow, does that make me edgy? Because damn!

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