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    inthebestoftimesAnna Merlan
    6/15/15 4:52pm

    The majority of both sexes thought foreplay like kissing or touching indicated consent.

    This shows exactly why, as an asexual, I find dating not just unpleasant but extremely dangerous.

    Serious question for you non-aces: Does no one just make-out and cuddle anymore? Does anyone still date the old-fashioned way—that is don’t have sex for a couple of years, until you really know someone?

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      Lilly (Hungry hungry hipster!)inthebestoftimes
      6/15/15 5:07pm

      I don’t date “the old-fashioned way” for various personal reasons, but I *love* just making out and cuddling. Without sex. Honestly, I often like it more than sex. If someone I’m dating can’t respect that we’re JUST making out and cuddling (sometimes naked, even!) and they think that’s consent, I get them the fuck out of my life. But yes, I agree with you, that is a very scary quote... and I’m not even asexual. :\

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      KenHamNointhebestoftimes
      6/15/15 5:15pm

      Years?!

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    Lilly (Hungry hungry hipster!)Anna Merlan
    6/15/15 4:38pm

    I would really, really like to see comprehensive education on affirmative consent become part of sex education. (I would also like to see real sex education in all the states, instead of abstinence only education.)
    But this is positive, this is a good start, at least. :)

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      St. Borg de Chupacabras ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗLilly (Hungry hungry hipster!)
      6/15/15 4:54pm

      I read a few days back that Hawaii has removed abstinence from it’s sex education material. I’m not able to find the source where I read it.

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      Lilly (Hungry hungry hipster!)St. Borg de Chupacabras ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
      6/15/15 5:01pm

      That’s awesome!

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    bwrites enjoyed the time we shared togetherAnna Merlan
    6/15/15 4:38pm

    Ninety-five percent of current and recent male students said sexual activity when one person is incapacitated or passed out is tantamount to sexual assault.

    Twenty college bros at a party, one will still rape your passed out body.

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      BeABigRedOnebwrites enjoyed the time we shared together
      6/15/15 4:45pm

      At the risk of touching the third rail here, can we agree that two things can simultaneously be true?

      • Sex with an incapacitated or passed out woman is a criminal act and should be so prosecuted.
      • Becoming incapacitated or passing out at a party is risky, stupid behavior for a woman.
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      inthebestoftimesbwrites enjoyed the time we shared together
      6/15/15 4:51pm

      Rapists are estimated to be at least 5% of the US population, so this makes sense.

      At least they have the integrity to answer survey questions honestly! /s

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    LorimerGalAnna Merlan
    6/15/15 4:53pm

    This is actually a serious question. When I was a freshman in college, circa the late 90’s I had one too many tequila shots (read: about 8 too many) in my room. I left with a guy I had been flirting with to go back to his room, with the intent to have sex. And we did.

    That said, I was borderline blackout drunk. I couldn’t speak or communicate. I remembered nothing of the event beyond laying on the bed. And when it was over I vomited on his bed. After leaving his room, I couldn’t find my way back to my own, and luckily for me the class president found me, was a decent guy and brought me back. I have a vague memory of friends caring for my afterwards, and as I lay on the bathroom floor, hearing them say, “Should her eyes be rolling back like that?” Hello, alchohol poisoning.

    My bad judgment aside, I never thought anything of this - since I went with the intent to sleep with him, until I told my now husband about it, and commented, “So you are telling me you were raped??” I’ve never considered myself a rape victim, but hearing these perspectives on consent is interesting to me, and I’d be curious to know what other people think.

    Thank you in advance for being respectful.

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      Lilly (Hungry hungry hipster!)LorimerGal
      6/15/15 5:11pm

      This is just my personal perspective, but if you had the intent to have sex with him before you got blackout drunk and your intent never changed then I don’t really think you were raped.
      It’s a grey area, and I’m sure some people will disagree with me, since extremely intoxicated people can’t consent and all that jazz. And consent can’t really be preemptive.
      But I think your original intentions, the fact that those intentions do not appear to have changed once you were drunk, and your level of comfort with the situation are what matters.

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      DionneFarrisVEVO ✓officialLorimerGal
      6/15/15 5:20pm

      Drunk sex can be fun. People have the right to get drunk, have sex, and not be victims if they had the agency to make those choices. That’s why “yes means yes” legislation is so good. It eliminates the notions that consent is “too nebulous a concept” to rule on.

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    JennySEZAnna Merlan
    6/15/15 5:03pm

    I dunno, maybe if they all kept a simple nursery school song in mind they’d be less confused. It goes:

    “If she’s alive, awake, alert, and enthusiastic - then it’s not rape. Remember, where a condom!”

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      KarnovirJennySEZ
      6/15/15 5:19pm

      Enthusiastic? So if someone agrees to have sex, but isn’t completely enthusiastic about the idea, that would be rape? That’s clearly an untenable standard. Sometimes sex is bad, awkward, or boring, but that doesn’t automatically make it rape.

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      JennySEZKarnovir
      6/15/15 5:32pm

      Who agrees to have sex but isn’t enthusiastic about it? “Oh ho hum, there’s a penis inside me.” If you’re partner’s not enthusiastic for some mutual boning but agrees to push her panties aside for 5 minutes, then you’re doing it wrong and should stick to mono-boning until everyone’s emotional responses match their activities.

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    MissEdithSpeaksOutOfTurnAnna Merlan
    6/15/15 10:17pm

    Some of the questions seem oddly framed. Like, I might say that getting a condom out is consent, but I also understand that consent is an ongoing process, so getting the condom out doesn’t mean consent cam’t be revoked.

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      bbutle01Anna Merlan
      6/15/15 4:48pm

      How does it change things if they had PREVIOUSLY been intimate (consenting) but this time one person is not 100% coherent. Does that set precedent?

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        lunchcomabbutle01
        6/15/15 5:23pm

        What? No. Just because someone had sex with you once doesn’t mean you have an automatic consent form on file.

        I’ll give you the tiniest bit of leeway. If you’re in a very serious ongoing relationship with someone and your partner brings it up to you that it’s okay to go ahead when they’re less than ideal, you can maybe talk about it further and work out some guidelines.

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        Hauptjbbutle01
        6/15/15 6:10pm

        How uncoherent are they? I can’t really think of a situation where someone is coherent eough to say yes, but doesn’t give some kind of consent when asked, where it would be ok to fuck them, nor a situation where they aren’t coherent enough to say yes where it would be ok.

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      ClestestiAnna Merlan
      6/15/15 4:41pm

      People also need to understand that “Yes means yes” is actually not enough. Consent can be coerced or otherwise obtained under pressure. So really it should be “No means no, yes doesn’t mean yes.”

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        KarnovirClestesti
        6/15/15 5:15pm

        What exactly are you trying to say here? That there’s essentially no such thing as consent?

        Obviously consent that is given under duress is invalid, but everyday social pressures do not add up to duress. Coercion means to compel by force or threat. It’s not a synonym for someone saying “please,” and sex is not rape merely because one party is somewhat ambivalent. So long as both parties consented (agreed), and that consent was given voluntarily (not given under duress), then no rape has occurred.

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        kalebsbackClestesti
        6/15/15 5:22pm

        Coercion is a really slippery legal slope though. Threat of force or threat in general is pretty damningly obvious, but in the absence of that, it’s very hard to legislate.

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      PumpkinSpiesAnna Merlan
      6/15/15 7:09pm

      So do we need like a Bill Clintonian definition of what “yes” means in new student handbooks? Or preferably before that, like in sex ed?

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        DashleyinCaliAnna Merlan
        6/15/15 4:41pm

        LOVE this sign.

        I would say it works in reverse as well. It’s more fun that way, anyway - when I say “fuck me now,” he should understand that I am giving my enthusiastic consent, AND I’m fun in bed (if you like a lil’ dirty talking).

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          ThereIsASeasonTurnTurnTurnDashleyinCali
          6/15/15 5:40pm

          Seems a mixed message.

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          DashleyinCaliThereIsASeasonTurnTurnTurn
          6/15/15 5:49pm

          Right? What are you supposed to do when someone invites you to fuck them? So confusing.

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