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    Gary-XHamilton Nolan
    6/10/15 11:04am

    I was hoping this was going to be about how to wake up more quickly in the morning because I just can’t seem to do it. Snooze and snooze and. . .

    HamNo, what gets you up and going in the morning? What’s the secret?

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      HiMyNameIsJayAgainGary-X
      6/10/15 11:07am

      Squats first thing in the morning really gets your blood flowing and your dick hard. Perfect way to start your day.

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      whiskertriscuitGary-X
      6/10/15 11:07am

      If the content of Hamilton's prior articles are any indication, it's probably a intense routine of 500 Hindu squats that get him up and going each day.

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    ArturoHamilton Nolan
    6/10/15 11:23am

    So can I, like, get by with doing squats, burpees, planks, and pull/chin-ups at home for about ten minutes at night before dinner? Because after dinner I’ve got about two-ish hours to myself before bed. I don’t have an hour to waste at the gym not including travel time.

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      EldritchArturo
      6/10/15 11:59am

      Seriously. I get like two or three hours of me time a night after I deal with my bullshit commute and my job that keeps me sitting at a desk for ten hours. I would LOVE the time to go to the gym. All this sitting isn’t healthy. But when the fuck am I supposed to do it? I need those precious few hours to myself every night to keep from murdering people during the other hours of the day.

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      kate_smashEldritch
      6/10/15 12:18pm

      Hey, look, I’m in the same boat, but I find the time. It’s there if you make it.

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    Rom RombertsHamilton Nolan
    6/10/15 11:28am

    I do 75 sets of 12 thunderpumps every hour. My glomulus muscles can shatter oak trees. If I don’t get at least 10 sets in per day of Chestal Screams, I will perform squat thrusts in the town square until all that remains of the square is dust and sweat and fitness. Before eating anything out of my refrigerator, I perform Bucket Drops with the machine cradled in my muscular jaws. Instead of driving my car, I just throw it as far as I can and then I sprint to wherever it lands. I repeat this until I get to wherever it is I’m going or until I am subdued by the cruel tranquilizer darts of the local constabulary.

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      itwsntme227Rom Romberts
      6/10/15 11:37am

      Good kinja.

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      Johnny ChundersRom Romberts
      6/10/15 11:51am

      Every post its own universe.

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    Johnny ChundersHamilton Nolan
    6/10/15 11:07am

    OK I STABBED THE THOUGHT BUBBEL AND SPIT ON THE BABY NOW WHAT SHOULD I DO IS STABBING GOOD EXERCISE SHOULD I KEEP STABBING THINGS?

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      Ken Yadiggit, AdiosJohnny Chunders
      6/10/15 4:10pm

      Please for the love of god, don’t stab the baby.

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    callmeivanHamilton Nolan
    6/10/15 11:03am

    I took a nap halfway through reading this.

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      BaggyTrousers3callmeivan
      6/10/15 11:11am

      Yes You Can...Make It Through This Article

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      Nom de pixelBaggyTrousers3
      6/10/15 11:17am

      Nope. Couldn’t. Can I get a summary?

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    Sara-Slaughter607Hamilton Nolan
    6/10/15 11:05am

    This simply could not have come at a better time. I’ve been having World War 3 in my head about skipping this week.

    THank you!

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      underthetimgunnSara-Slaughter607
      6/10/15 11:59am

      Seriously! I love all the jokes and snark, but this legit made me stand up, halfway through. I felt bad about skipping the past two days. Going now.

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      The Real JanelleSara-Slaughter607
      6/10/15 1:00pm

      I’ve been meaning to go back to working out for two weeks now (my body was hurting a LOT so I took a break for a couple of days and it turned into 20 days). But I had oral surgery yesterday and the doctor said no working out of any kind for a week. :(

      I won’t work out because dental work is really fucking expensive and I’m not going back if I can help it.

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    cancanstanHamilton Nolan
    6/10/15 1:02pm

    I enjoyed reading this. My hang up about working out is how god damn hideous I look while doing it, just red and frizzy and ugly. My clothes are clinging to all my bad spots in horrible ways, my tits are all over the place and I am surrounded by men, hotter chicks and mirrors. It’s just such a mental push to get through all that shit to get to the actual working out. I still do it, I just hate it and myself the whole time. Whereas hanging with my cats and a glass of wine while watching fucking Shahs of Sunset feels like loving myself.

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      deliaplumcancanstan
      6/10/15 1:08pm

      do you have a Curves near you?? no shaming there.

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      stopitcancanstan
      6/10/15 1:10pm

      love shahs of sunset. this season kinda sucked tho

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    ThrumbolioHamilton Nolan
    6/10/15 11:07am

    I leave exercise to the people who love exercise, those insufferable fucks.

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      pswift00Thrumbolio
      6/10/15 11:42am

      A former work friend recently left to start her own business- professional fat shaming. She posts absolutely nothing on Facebook that doesn't have anything to do with working out.

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      Thrumboliopswift00
      6/10/15 12:24pm

      I’m blessed with a ridiculously high metabolism, so the only “working out” I’d like to do at some point would be of the endurance variety. I’d like to get my “wind” back at some point, but meh.

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    The Noble RenardHamilton Nolan
    6/10/15 11:06am

    I’m going to Economy Candy on my lunch break BECAUSE I AM AN ADULT AND I WANT SOME GUMMY FRIED EGGS. And I will enjoy every damn moment of buying bulk candy, even though I could be like... buying a salad because I’ve been eating shitty at work.

    And then I’m going to the gym tonight. Because while I may be an adult, I do know I have to do some things to make myself feel better after all of those delicious gummies.

    I DEFY YOUR JUDGMENT.

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      dinnerateightThe Noble Renard
      6/10/15 11:10am

      /

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      The Noble Renarddinnerateight
      6/10/15 11:11am

      No. Just like... the white part of shark gummies. So, the best part.

      I like kinda stale gummies, so honestly the toothsome ones are best for me.

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    kamla deviHamilton Nolan
    6/10/15 11:27am

    I’M A FULL-TIME WORKING MOM AND I GET UP AT 4:30AM THREE DAYS A WEEK AND ON SUNDAYS AT 6AM TO RUN 4-7 MILES.

    I just wish I had time for yoga :(

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      pswift00kamla devi
      6/10/15 11:40am

      Time to run 7 miles but no time for yoga?

      Also, good for you. Though you should have added "I'M A FULL-TIME WORKING MOM AND I GET UP AT 4:30AM THREE DAYS A WEEK AND ON SUNDAYS AT 6AM TO RUN 4-7 MILES. THEN I MAKE $2500 A WEEK USING THE INTERNET!"

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      kamla devipswift00
      6/10/15 11:49am

      Sadly, that would be a sack of lies, I don’t make that much money :(

      I only run 7 miles once per week on my “long run” day. One day, I want to run a marathon, but that requires time and money I don’t have. Also, there are no yoga classes in my area that are offered at the wee hours of the morning, and I live in a small apartment. #LameExcuses

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