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    cheerful_exgirlfriendAndy Cush
    6/03/15 6:23pm
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      kareemacheerful_exgirlfriend
      6/03/15 7:28pm

      We have turkey vultures around where I live, and when haying occurs, they have a field day in the fields. Their sense of smell is AMAZING, and when we found a wounded fawn had died curled up next to our garage, my SO took it to a clearing nearby (we live in a very forested area). Within 12 hours, six turkey vultures were circling overhead, and they took care of the poor dead fawn (SO little...) by the end of the next day.

      I’m really glad to have them around, but when four of them circled our house, I was a tad.... concerned.

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      cuntybawscheerful_exgirlfriend
      6/03/15 7:31pm

      That was the scene of my bitterest gawker embarrassment: there was a post a year ago that provided THE perfect opportunity for the flawless comment, which would have been just that. Cept in my desire for attention, and my feverish certainty of my own brilliance, I typed “Keep Calm and Carrion On”. People were supportive but it stings, still....

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    Formerly StannisBaratheon's Red PenAndy Cush
    6/03/15 6:29pm

    When I moved into my very first apartment, one of the first things I noticed was a weird smell. My landlord didn’t smell anything, my brother didn’t smell anything, and my mother said (bless her insane heart) “It smells like cookies.”

    So, a month or so goes by. I think it may have been closer to three months actually... and I happen to drop a knife. When retrieving it, out of the corner of my eye I see something between the tiny crevice between the fridge and the cabinets. It’s a fucking dead mouse. No trap, nothing. At this point it’s like midnight. So I call my brother (who lived across the street). We move the fridge, and I give him this big stick with feathers and a bell that I got at a Native American festival, because I only had a dust pan and nothing else was long enough. Sooooo.... my brother pokes at the dead mouse, which... when he poked it, essentially exploded and the smell that fucking filled my tiny kitchen was HORRIBLE. I have never smelled anything this rancid in my life. It hung on the air like that woman at the beginning of Cliffhanger. You could taste it in the back of your throat. It was just... so goddamned putrid. My brother is horrified (as he is a big animal lover) but manages to get most of the gore out from behind the fridge. He and I start to fight about something and he leaves, with only me to push the fridge back. I get the remaining mouse entrails out of there and soak the floor in bleach because I don’t know what else to do.
    I manage to push the fridge back into place, and sign on to gchat to see my mom is online.

    Me: Hey ma
    Stannis BRP’s Mom: Hi honey what are you doing up
    Me: Hey, remember that weird smell you thought was cookies?
    SBRPM: Yes...?
    Me: It was a dead mouse. What the fuck kind of cookies do you eat?

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      whatseriouslywhatFormerly StannisBaratheon's Red Pen
      6/03/15 6:49pm

      We had a dead mouse in our attic once and the landlord came over and picked it up with his bare hands and tossed it in a bin outside. He then nonchalantly washed his hands with the garden hose and antibacterial soap and only after I pleaded with him did he allow me to give him some purel to rub into his hands. He chuckled at me the whole time like I was some weird germaphobe.

      He is probably dead now.

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      Formerly StannisBaratheon's Red Penwhatseriouslywhat
      6/03/15 6:52pm

      I travel with Purell. I’ve wiped down my face with purell. I almost put Purell in my eye once because somebody spit directly in my eye when I had my glasses off. I did weigh the pros and cons of it before ultimately deciding it was a bad idea. My husband says I have a problem and that I hyperclean. I say “You’re not getting sex until you take a shower” and he shuts up.

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    Cam/ronAndy Cush
    6/03/15 6:15pm
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      StephanieCam/ron
      6/04/15 4:48pm

      “I’ve seen too many dead bodies... I can’t be in here no nooo nooo!” - my fav Stepbrothers quote. Okay that’s a lie. my true favorite is “Never lose your dinosaur.” but that’s a close second.

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    GrumpyEagleAndy Cush
    6/03/15 6:21pm

    Vultures will congregate in odd places. There’s a local specialty hospital in our area that’s been a favorite roosting place for years. It’s kind of disconcerting to see them skulking along the rooftop as you do your PT, though.

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      TrianglekittyGrumpyEagle
      6/03/15 7:36pm

      Vultures are so common in my area that our town has an annual vulture fest to celebrate our feathery brethren. Complete with songs, dances, and small children dressed as carrion eaters. (I am not making this up)

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      Vulcan Has No MoonGrumpyEagle
      6/03/15 10:44pm

      They’re good at spotting the lame, weak, and the old.

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    Denzel WashyourtongueAndy Cush
    6/03/15 6:19pm

    Yeah, Um, we’re here to pick up the body.

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      UltraGigantorAndy Cush
      6/03/15 6:15pm

      Came here expecting to see this...

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        nakedtruthUltraGigantor
        6/03/15 7:57pm

        Cue to 1:00, then, jump to 3:00

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      Parmer WallaceAndy Cush
      6/03/15 9:08pm

      I live in the beautiful mountains. Unfortunately other people live here too. Lots of black vultures as well. I received a text alert one afternoon to stay off of a couple roads because the local police department was going to try and shoot a bunch of them to curtail the population.

      I am not sure if they seriously thought they could put a dent in the vulture population by shooting some of them, or if they just wanted an excuse to shoot some shit.

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        HumboldtGenesisParmer Wallace
        6/03/15 10:01pm

        Why do I feel like you’re not talking about black vultures...?

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        FoxyJParmer Wallace
        6/04/15 7:10am

        It would be awesome if the cops were hanging out shooting vultures and the minute the dead ones hit the ground flocks of other vultures swooped in to eat them and then they overpowered the cops.

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      Ruddigore4Andy Cush
      6/03/15 7:41pm

      Stupid vultures. Why wait for things to die when there are ... other alternatives.

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        SterilizeAllRepublicansAndy Cush
        6/03/15 6:12pm

        “Oh dear, it seems my dear pet birds have escaped their cage. Do not mind them, I will pay you a visit soon to... collect...”

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          Brock SamsaAndy Cush
          6/03/15 6:32pm

          Probably on their way to an advanced screening of Entourage.

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