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    FredDorfmanIsaac Oliver
    5/27/15 4:03pm

    This is a funny read.

    It took me until my mid-30s to realize that parties had progressed beyond everybody getting as fucked up as possible. Now I’m married, so I don’t go to parties anymore outside of the occasional birthday or holiday. I don’t see the upside for a married person. Even if you meet some interesting people, there’s no time to hang out with anyone new. I only see my close friends every couple of months. And most sober conversations with strangers are pretty painful.

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      BooBearSmashFredDorfman
      5/27/15 4:19pm

      Really? About how many years into your 30’s did you realize this? I’m wondering because my hoozeband hasn’t seemed to discover this...nor have his 40-something friends/coworkers.

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      FredDorfmanBooBearSmash
      5/27/15 4:33pm

      It was around 35 or 36 that I started picking up on the concern in people’s eyes when I would challenge them to a chug-off with our beers or to suck all the nitrous out of the ready whip dispenser. But your post gives me hope that maybe things will crank back up. I think maybe there’s just a lull between the time when everybody starts to take themselves seriously post college/grad school and the time when everybody realizes that our lives have been spent in service to bullshit.

      Fingers crossed!

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    BaggyTrousers3Isaac Oliver
    5/27/15 3:32pm

    I would have loved to have been at this party to watch and analyze your awkwardness in crowds and pick apart what you were doing wrong. As a way to distract me from my own natural fuck-upedness.

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      VtDkDudeBaggyTrousers3
      5/27/15 3:41pm

      I just stopped going to larger than five people gatherings. I hate them. They hate me. Oh, I also don’t go to gatherings with strangers. Ugh, and the last charity event I went to I thought had gone fine. Nope. My friend messaged me later, “Are you okay? You seemed really down.” I don’t do social.

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    Rowen (Paid Politcal Shill)Isaac Oliver
    5/27/15 3:37pm

    I know a lot of socially awkward nerdy gay boys. I love socially awkward nerdy gay boys, but I have no idea how to talk to them, because I’m a loud, boisterous, kinda nerdy (As in, I have the entire history of middle earth. I also have very strong opinions about the shit Marvel has been putting out. Other nerds seem to not like my opinions), but am a former rugby player and get louder and more boisterous when I’m drunk. Plus, all my socially awkward nerdy friends seem to be pining after the one tall skinny dude with the Macklemore hair-do and the shaved chest. I’m the guy in the middle of the room, telling the story about the time the gym management caught me having a threesome in the steam room. But I’m really watching you* in the corner and imagining what my parents would think when I bring home someone half my size who will awkwardly eat all the cocktail sausages while everyone else is fixing a drink.

    Just sayin’.

    *theoretical you. Not Isaac Oliver you, unless we were at the same party.

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      Rowen (Paid Politcal Shill)Rowen (Paid Politcal Shill)
      5/27/15 3:59pm

      It’s one of those days where being in the grey, for as long as I have, annoys the fuck out of me.

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      Don'tPokeTheWhereRowen (Paid Politcal Shill)
      5/27/15 4:21pm

      Do you still play rugby and are you a bottom?

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    LordBurleighIsaac Oliver
    5/27/15 3:28pm

    “Don’t feel on the outside, looking at us. You’re inside, you’re in with us, you’re just like us at the end of the day, you know?”

    MMM NO THANKS.

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      potatogamineIsaac Oliver
      5/27/15 3:27pm

      I’ve got a friend who, god love her, can’t afford to keep herself in drink. So when she comes over she is not leaving until the last drop of our liquor cabinet is gone, which is usually waaay passed my bedtime. My husband affectionately calls her “our Max” (Happy Endings). It wears.

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        DashleyinCalipotatogamine
        5/27/15 3:50pm
        GIF
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        Zucchiniisforeverpotatogamine
        5/27/15 8:22pm

        I have a friend like that. I now have a public liquor cabinet and a private stash.

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      SpringSprungIsaac Oliver
      5/27/15 3:30pm

      Aww. I love it when other people’s awkward stories make me guffaw! If I had enough friends for a party, I’d happily invite you over. And serve wieners.

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        benjaminalloverIsaac Oliver
        5/27/15 3:35pm

        This was a delightful read. Thanks!

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          opiumsmabytchIsaac Oliver
          5/27/15 3:32pm

          attractive person has strayed from the pack and gotten lost, like a glamorous lamb with a fade and Macklemore tickets,

          Deal Breaker!

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            Don'tPokeTheWhereIsaac Oliver
            5/27/15 3:38pm

            Actually I have a few to add:

            Inside voice, learn it. If you’re loud sober you’ll be louder after a few.

            No, there’s only one brand of vodka because in this house we have tastebuds/are not pregnant women.

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              HeyhowareyouallDon'tPokeTheWhere
              5/27/15 9:48pm

              Thanks for the tip! I have no inside voice. People must hate me...then again, I’ve also learned that my extrovert loudness might just be a good distraction for the awkwards

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              Don'tPokeTheWhereHeyhowareyouall
              5/29/15 12:08pm

              You think you’re an extrovert, but extroverts with manners get invited back. You, you’re just rude.

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            Arctic16Isaac Oliver
            5/27/15 3:29pm

            You sound like fun, we should hang out!

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