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    Morifarty's ringtoneMark Shrayber
    5/04/15 1:10pm

    You guys, it’s time for us to accept that there is literally poo on everything. That keyboard? Covered in poo. Your beard? Covered in poo. Your girlfriend’s butthole you have licked repeatedly? DEFINITELY covered in poo. Your dog’s tongue? Covered in poo.

    Embrace the poo. Live the poo. Be the poo.

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      GELLA - LLAPMorifarty's ringtone
      5/04/15 1:13pm
      GIF
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      000Morifarty's ringtone
      5/04/15 1:14pm
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    000Mark Shrayber
    5/04/15 1:12pm

    “ Here are other things you might find in feces: water and cellulose. Sometimes, you might also find corn...”

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      ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ : Riot GRRR is RUNNING WILD000
      5/04/15 1:18pm

      Fun fact: the corn you seen in your poop was rendered a hollow shell by your digestive system, and the reason they appear full on the other end is because they’re filled with poop.

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      000ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ : Riot GRRR is RUNNING WILD
      5/04/15 1:20pm

      “ and the reason they appear full on the other end is because they’re filled with poop.”

      GIF
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    sklayMark Shrayber
    5/04/15 1:11pm

    Everything is covered in poop. Fact of life.

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      Xofsklay
      5/04/15 1:18pm

      1 in 5 things are also covered in semen according to black lights

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      St. Borg de Chupacabras ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗXof
      5/04/15 1:41pm

      ಠ~ಠ

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    TerraMark Shrayber
    5/04/15 1:07pm

    So, does this mean we can use this to point and laugh at all of the commentators who used the previous article to go on anti-beard rants?

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      Mo-Terra
      5/04/15 1:47pm

      Haha! I was awaiting that turn of events, but it hasn’t started yet. I get that everyone has their own preferences. I really do. But, beard hate is just...yeah, don’t get it. That low stuble beard is the one I’m most fond of. The father-time varieties are not my shit, though. Lol

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      DN-NationTerra
      5/04/15 1:58pm

      I especially like those that feign to be some sort of high-minded feminist criticism.

      You don’t like beards. It’s a preference. No need to give it any more worth than that.

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    The Noble RenardMark Shrayber
    5/04/15 1:07pm

    As a proud Bearded-American, I endorse this correction. Now excuse me, I’m off to trim this bad-boy until it looks great.

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      Adis78The Noble Renard
      5/04/15 1:11pm

      Me too. I have shampooed my beard about four times since reading the last article, though. Now the lower part of my face feels like a baby’s head.

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    XofMark Shrayber
    5/04/15 1:17pm

    Next thing you know people will claim that beards contain Dihydrogen monoxide!

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      DashleyinCaliXof
      5/04/15 1:29pm

      I heard somewhere that 71% of everything is covered in dihydrogen monoxide - terrifying! It’s everywhere!

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      XofDashleyinCali
      5/04/15 1:31pm

      We're doomed!

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    portableboxMark Shrayber
    5/04/15 1:11pm

    The takeaway should really be that pretty much everyone and everything is probably covered in a thin sheen of poop at all times. Deal with it, and sterilize before medical procedures.

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      The Ghost of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ AKA BabyStepsportablebox
      5/04/15 1:49pm

      a poop schemer.

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      Lisbeth Salamanderportablebox
      5/04/15 6:16pm

      Poop Sheen, new lip gloss color.

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    nerdybirdyMark Shrayber
    5/04/15 1:01pm

    Nope, too late. I already told my husband his beard is full of poop. No take-backs.

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      Bokbunzajoo1nerdybirdy
      5/04/15 1:18pm

      Me too. I may or may not have called him “poop face” for a few hours.

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      RanGalaxynerdybirdy
      5/04/15 1:32pm

      That was my stance. I’ve already adjusted my life to accommodate this fact.

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    nerdybirdyMark Shrayber
    5/04/15 1:03pm

    “...my immediate reaction was to go drag my bearded face all over my partner’s, only to delight him with the news that he was covered in poop now and could do nothing about it.”

    I dunno how Allen puts up with you, Mark. You must have a crazy huge penis or something.

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      Bokbunzajoo1nerdybirdy
      5/04/15 1:19pm

      Or allen is just too pooped to deal with mark’s nonsense

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    The Ghost of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ AKA BabyStepsMark Shrayber
    5/04/15 1:47pm

    I smell Jezebel writer smack down! And rightfully so! ;)

    (how’s that for shit talking?)

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