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    Ginger Is A ConstructGabrielle Bluestone
    4/23/15 9:51pm

    “We are Floridian-Americans...”

    It all makes sense now.

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      HubcapJennyGinger Is A Construct
      4/23/15 10:02pm

      Not just Floridian, but probably part of the whole Sovereign Citizen nonsense, too. A tasty two-fer.

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      dothedewGinger Is A Construct
      4/23/15 10:04pm

      It took me a while of reading to figure out what was going on here (not that I minded, I am stoned and this shit is fantastic - she even put asterisks instead of vowels in the curse words!) but yes, Florida, combined with a pretty standard anti-tax argument that has traction among some loonies.

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    benjaminalloverGabrielle Bluestone
    4/23/15 10:03pm

    This. Is. GLORIOUS.

    GIF
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      Korlibenjaminallover
      4/24/15 12:02am

      Glorious if you support breaking people out of prison! Which is what she was trying to do and is charged for.

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      benjaminalloverKorli
      4/24/15 12:04am

      Stop being so literal and enjoy it as a piece of text. Just let it wash over you.

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    NimbyFenceCoGabrielle Bluestone
    4/23/15 10:03pm

    Funny to read legitimate legal complaints peppered with ‘impotent geezer’ and f-bombs in every other line. Flashes of reason between bouts of torrets.

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      burner2020NimbyFenceCo
      4/23/15 10:11pm

      Not that legitimate. And not that uncommon, either. Pro Se Plaintiffs went extra wild during the Great Recession. Some College + Internet + MS Word + Legal TV Shows = Zany Plaintiffs.

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      NimbyFenceCoburner2020
      4/23/15 10:27pm

      Wow funny. Her JD must be from the University of L&O SVU. Guess I have no idea really. That’s why I hire lawyers.

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    PeppermintGabrielle Bluestone
    4/23/15 11:24pm

    This is AMAZING, by the way.

    The background is that Our Heroine’s husband was sentenced to 50 years for domestic violence and possession with intent to distribute and some other stuff. In 2010, Our Heroine was caught in a car in the woods with guns near the prison, and detained, possibly in solitary and possibly with really high bail. Child protective services took her kid for a while.

    The legal story starts in S.D.Ga., where Our Heroine files a federal habeas petition on behalf of her husband. After some mishap where the petition winds up in the state court first, the federal judge transfers to N.D.Ga., where hubby was convicted.

    In N.D.Ga., however, Our Heroine files an “Aliens’ Tort Action for Violation of Law of Nations and International Treaty; Complaint for Injunctive Relief and Monetary Compensation.” It states a claim for kidnapping (her, and her husband), “cruel, inhuman, and degrading treatment” on behalf of her husband (for being in jail, basically), and child abduction for her kid. She demands that her husband be released from detention and that she be given $10 billion dollars. Yes, $10,000,000,000. To this, she attached a memorandum of law about the nature of citizenship and something about the illegitimate power structure of the current United States; it was too big to download it all at once off PACER so I only downloaded the first part.

    The various government entities file a motion to dismiss and brief in support. I’ve just skimmed this.

    In response, Our Heroine files an “Emergency Notice to the Court” claiming that defendants do not have standing to counter her claims, because the US is illegitimate. And if you thought her above-quoted filing was good, this one is fucking magical:

    From the perspective of the Plaintiffs, it can be likened to witnessing a three-legged, mentally-challenged canine attempt to run through a titanium wall because it does not understand the impossible nature of the feat before it. Similarly, the Defendants (ALL defendants who have appeared in the present action) have arrived at the first major league game of their lifetimes, prepared with little league knowledge—and do not stand a chance at this level of the game; no amount of time in law school could prepare them for the legal concepts that have been so eloquently presented by Plaintiffs in the present action.

    Our Heroine subsequently files another brief but I’m tired. Also, she alleges war crimes in here somewhere but I forget where. Defendants file another boring brief. Our Heroine files another Notice about not being able to get onto PACER (I feel her on this one) and demands that the case be heard in the United Nations because the US has effected a coup d’etat against its own citizens. The judge finally dismisses. The final document on PACER is the glorious nine-pager posted above.

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      PeppermintPeppermint
      4/24/15 1:11am

      Bonus, in the “Emergency Notice,” she attaches some stuff she sent to John Kerry, describing that she and her husband aren’t citizens of the false US government, and that she and her husband are instead an “independent and international American moral person” which functions as a “sovereign and independent nation state.” She then attaches a “Unilateral Act of State” and “Unilateral Treaty” proclaiming that her nation-family is a “foreign government” not subject to the jurisdiction of the US courts, and gives herself the title “Royal Consul.”

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      JilkonPeppermint
      4/24/15 5:53am

      Thanks for explaining the story, I felt like I had missed something.

      Also - 50 years in prison for possession and alleged intent to sell? What the actual fuck? (Also domestic violence, but I’m guessing the split was like 3 - 47.)

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    Sean BrodyGabrielle Bluestone
    4/23/15 10:07pm

    This is what Jefferson was going for with the Declaration. He just had nothing like this lady’s gift for language or invective.

    Life, Liberty and the pursuit of go fuck yourself.

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      dothedewSean Brody
      4/23/15 10:45pm

      Life, Liberty and the pursuit of go fuck yourself.

      That should be on t-shirts.

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      VirtualJordodothedew
      4/24/15 12:31am

      I can chip in $14.99, but I want Hanes...none of that Gildan bullshit.

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    HiMyNameIsJayAgainGabrielle Bluestone
    4/23/15 9:43pm
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      PurpleCaneGirlHiMyNameIsJayAgain
      4/23/15 9:54pm

      this woman needs a role on OITNB

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      Sean BrodyHiMyNameIsJayAgain
      4/23/15 10:10pm

      Shit was righteous!

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    cuntybawsGabrielle Bluestone
    4/23/15 10:02pm

    All that crazy, and not one mention of Obama.

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      LaZodiaccuntybaws
      4/23/15 10:26pm

      Well yeah she’s a “freeman on the land” sort. She doesn’t hate blacks she just hates the government in general.

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      BuzzKillingtonLaZodiac
      4/23/15 11:05pm

      You know she is black, right? Not that you can’t self-hate, but I just don’t hear as many African Americans decrying Obama at every turn.

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    Hi, it's me AGAIN?Gabrielle Bluestone
    4/23/15 10:12pm

    It took me about 1 month to study the history of the world and to learn the history and inner workings of American jurisprudence, literally.

    I certainly don’t doubt that she only spent a month doing research.

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      theonceandfuturekingHi, it's me AGAIN?
      4/23/15 11:03pm

      “The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias wherein unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly assessing their ability to be much higher than is accurate.”

      This brief (and everything in the sovereign citizen movement) reeks of Dunning-Kruger.

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      BogartCattheonceandfutureking
      4/24/15 12:35am

      My first thought was the Lake Wobegon Effect, which meant that I heard this in Garrison Keillor’s voice. Which was amazing.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illusory_…

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    ARP2Gabrielle Bluestone
    4/23/15 9:59pm

    In another case a prisoner, Washington, filed a “Motion to Kiss My Ass” in which he moved “all Americans at large and one corrupt Judge Smith to kiss my got damn ass sorry mother fucker you.”

    http://concurringopinions.com/archives/2005/…

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      burner2020ARP2
      4/23/15 10:10pm

      That case is often the “prize” of “Scavenger Hunts” in a 1L’s Intro to Legal Research.

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      ARP2burner2020
      4/23/15 10:39pm

      Yep- I encountered it the same way. This and the dissent in Plessy v. Ferguson were some of the more amusing court documents to read.

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    ANEWINTERNETGabrielle Bluestone
    4/23/15 9:51pm

    Er...did this strike anyone else as a little bit Confederate?

    States’ Rights are the fucking worst.

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      AceOfSevensANEWINTERNET
      4/23/15 10:03pm

      She’s black. Black people have their own, far more legitimate, reasons to hate the government. She’s likely coming from a black separatist background.

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      churchsundayhellmondaytacotuesdayAceOfSevens
      4/23/15 10:11pm

      Her “civil right” to break her son’s father out of jail while armed with an AK-47 was violated?

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