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Armageddon T. ThunderbirdJulia Alvidrez
4/27/15 2:53pm
Hungry people eat three slices? Have you ever met a hungry person?
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  Armageddon T. ThunderbirdArmageddon T. Thunderbird
  4/27/15 8:39pm
  I cannot believe this stupid-ass comment has 450 recommends. You people should be ashamed of yourselves.
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RealAmurricanJulia Alvidrez
4/27/15 5:01pm
Of course I don’t want to ask any questions, but who are these people that won’t harbor deep-seeded resentments over toppings, let alone payment!?

There’s 6 of us, so that’s 3 pies, but if we’re going to make it out without hearing the tearing fabric of long-time friendships, we can’t stop there. Watson’s easy; he wants 3 slices of cheese, and he’ll pay for them without hassle. Frederick wants 2 slices of pepperoni, because he haaaaas to have pepperoni, and will demand exact change before we’ve dialed the pizza place, and since clearly no one has a pocket full of nickels, he’ll eyeroll like we’re the problem that he can’t wait for the delivery guy like a normal stingy person. Ashton’s easy - he definitely wants 2 slices of any kind of pizza which he’ll remind us when it arrives before picking the cheese off of one slice and gnawing on half of it, which is cool since that’s an extra slice, but someone has to pay for it by biting when he fishes for validation on his thighs for the 14th time. This whole time Briquelle’s been going back and forth between Hawaiian or Meat Lover’s and needs more time, but she only wants 1 slice, which she means, but she never remembers to factor in that we’re drinking and she’s going to want 2 more eventually. We’re so close to placing the order, but everyone forgot that Bernadina is back on her gluten kick, although this time she’s calling it Coeliac without ever booking a doctor’s appointment, but this place does gluten-free for $2 extra, which you do not bring up because you’re starving. She wants cheese and Watson is easy-peasy so he doesn’t care that it’s gluten-free. Honestly, I’ve been craving bell peppers and onions, but we are so far past that point that I’ll eat whatever, and I pay for the rest, not for the sake of brevity, but to cover my anxiety that if I don’t explicitly overpay, someone is going to make a bad Jewish joke that won’t land well for me or anyone else, except for Watson who is laughing pretty hard, but I still feel like he might be laughing at that joke in the wrong way.

I used to think it was that easy - everybody loves cheese and pepperoni! No one will get weird about counting how many slices each other had and who paid what! I’ll just punch some digits and 30-minutes-or-less! Seems like ages ago...
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  popjunkieRealAmurrican
  4/27/15 6:33pm
  Yes. I am a Watson and hate sitting through all your topping/split pie arguments. Just order - one cheese, one pepperoni, one I don’t even fucking care.
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  RealAmurricanpopjunkie
  4/27/15 6:41pm
  Already ordered! I’m just gonna round up the cash now before it shows up - do you have $17 or do you need change? I don’t have Venmo.
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The Noble RenardJulia Alvidrez
4/27/15 2:56pm
Three is not a good suggestion, because people’s hunger varies in level. The correct formula is actually 2X * 5/8, as many people will only want two slices; this formula sets the base rate at two slices a person, while also presuming that every other person will want three slices.
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  SeanMarksThe Noble Renard
  4/27/15 3:06pm
  This formula says that you order ten slices for each person. If you want 3 for half the people and 2 for other half you should be dividing by 2, not multiplying.
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  mrblergThe Noble Renard
  4/27/15 3:16pm
  This is smart. I eat 3-4, my girlfriend eats 1-2. So I think this definitely a better thought process.
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FauxhemianRhapshodyJulia Alvidrez
4/27/15 3:05pm
You're wrong. It's:

X * 4/8 + Y * 6/8

where X equals the number of lovely, friendly, interesting, well-adjusted members of your group, and Y equals the number of douchebag savages who won't eat within 2" of the crust.
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  HerirFauxhemianRhapshody
  4/27/15 4:07pm
  agreed,
  but because it hurts my brain I must fix it.
  X*(1/2) +Y*(3/4) = P
  
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  FauxhemianRhapshodyHerir
  4/27/15 4:19pm
  Once my sister-in-law asked me to feed her cat while she and her husband were away. I asked her how much of the can should I give to the cat. She says, "A half - and a half of the half."
  
  So I had to think for a really long time. And then I said "You mean 3/4?"
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ConflictedInNYCJulia Alvidrez
4/27/15 3:00pm
Everyone in the comments today is obese and/or making the same stupid joke. CONGRATS YOU CAN EAT A LOT OF PIZZA
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  burlivesleftnutConflictedInNYC
  4/27/15 3:26pm
  
  GIF
  
  Today’s coal-fired hot take.
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  ArchetypeConflictedInNYC
  4/27/15 3:36pm
  Eating a lot of pizza is the farthest thing from a joke. I can eat tons of pizza and I oscillate between healthy or under weight. Pizza is a perfectly balanced food, especially if you go easy on the cheese and add some vegetables. So, take your judgement elsewhere, snob.
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BaggyTrousers3Julia Alvidrez
4/27/15 3:18pm
Meanwhile, in Chicago...

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  DarigaazBaggyTrousers3
  4/27/15 3:38pm
  The fuck is this disgrace? It’s too thin to be Chicago.
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  BaggyTrousers3Darigaaz
  4/27/15 3:47pm
  THAT is the most popular pizza style in Chicago. D0n’t believe the deep dish hype.
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IForgotMyBurnerPassword1Julia Alvidrez
4/27/15 2:53pm
Is this formula contingent for square pizzas as well?
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  Icecold DavisIForgotMyBurnerPassword1
  4/27/15 2:57pm
  Square pizzas are an abomination spawned by he-who-must-not-be-named.
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  Armageddon T. ThunderbirdIcecold Davis
  4/27/15 3:05pm
  
  ?
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Medieval KnievelJulia Alvidrez
4/27/15 3:09pm
I don’t see any accounting for the remainder, by which I mean that leftover pizza in the fridge is like the best thing ever so order two extra pies and call it breakfast but you’re eating it all at midnight even if you won’t admit it now who the hell ordered anchovies I don’t care just take them off someone get some more beer.
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  kaysey17Medieval Knievel
  4/27/15 4:44pm
  You should *always* err on the side of overage because: leftovers. And even if you take the anchovies off, it still tastes like anchovies. Ew. :-P
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  Rollo75kaysey17
  4/27/15 7:22pm
  I concur with this fully.
  
  The correct number of pizzas to order is.... WAY TOO MANY.
  
  Why? Because cold pizza in the morning is ace. Cold pizza in the car, on the way to work is excellent. Pizza also masks the smell of early morning farts in the car... caused by pizza the night before.
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TaternutsAnonJulia Alvidrez
4/27/15 2:58pm
Occasionally, my brother will be at my house and we will order pizza. After ordering 2 large meat lovers, one of us will ask my wife what she would like. We, might not be typical.
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  MaxPointTaternutsAnon
  4/27/15 3:01pm
  No, I would call this standard ordering practice.
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  usedtobeascaredTaternutsAnon
  4/27/15 3:07pm
  If there is something called “meat lovers” it’s not pizza.
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Tom Friedman's Mustache WaxJulia Alvidrez
4/27/15 3:02pm
3 slices is the threshold at which many people will CLAIM to be full, so as not to look like a gross, gluttonous, disgusting pig. If they care about such things, that is.

They will clandestinely devour an additional 3 when no one is looking and then at the end of the night/next day, when there’s 2 slices and a crust left in the box, everyone will play dumb.

Where the fuck did you learn to pizza?
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  kaysey17Tom Friedman's Mustache Wax
  4/27/15 4:46pm
  ^^^THIS^^^
  
  I don’t think this person has ever pizza’d with more than 1-2 people at the most.
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