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beatrixkiddoJia Tolentino
4/09/15 11:17am
Hear, hear! However, let’s take this one step further. I would go so far to say that WOMEN are a myth. I mean, I’m not a woman. Therefore, are there women? I find this so called “women exist” narrative just doesn’t hold water.
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  IWasSayingBoournerbeatrixkiddo
  4/09/15 11:26am
  I already used this but I don’t care:
  
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  AllieCat ❤️'S hats on cats-is probable weirdobeatrixkiddo
  4/09/15 11:29am
  Also, can we take a minute to discuss the “holocaust”. I've seen absolutely no proof.
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labeled: crazy aunt kanyeJia Tolentino
4/09/15 11:15am
My daughter was gang-raped at her school last year and I’ll take every opportunity to tell parents:

Google your kid’s prospective school plus Clery Act. A low number of reports is actually kind of a HUGE red flag.
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  No one knows I'm a goatlabeled: crazy aunt kanye
  4/09/15 11:27am
  My heart is with you and your daughter. I hope she gets everything she needs.
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  argenti4231labeled: crazy aunt kanye
  4/09/15 11:27am
  I’m so sorry that happened to her. I hope she’s doing OK, given the circumstances.
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AssFault on the Highway to HellJia Tolentino
4/09/15 11:40am
I’ve never admitted this out loud, but here we go Jezzies.

When I was 14, I lied about being raped. When my boyfriend my own age— who I wasn’t having sex with— and I got busted for sneaking out to meet up, they threatened to take me to the gyno to see if I was still a virgin. I made up a story that I’d been raped by a stranger.

Truth was, that seemed far more believable to me than telling them who actually did rape me— the son of a prominent leader in our church, who was also himself a junior leader of our congregation.

I came clean about the stranger story within a few days of telling it, but my mom heard from the concerned parents of one of my friends, who heard me tell my stranger rape story and told her mom I was lying and why, and guess what...? Nothing ever came of it. So I was right, no one would have believed me.

I came clean with my mom over coffee when I was 27 years old.
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  Akat101AssFault on the Highway to Hell
  4/09/15 11:52am
  Shit. I’m so sorry that happened to you. And I can completely understand why you would lie about your attacker’s identity rather than accuse a church leader’s son. Also, if I may be so bold... it’s pretty messed up that your parents threatened to submit you to a virginity test. :/
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  AssFault on the Highway to HellAkat101
  4/09/15 12:01pm
  Thanks. As for the virginity test, they were far more interested in villainizing a relatively innocent 14 year old boy from my school than seeing about whether a grown man was in fact a criminal. I underwent an exam which likely concluded I was not in fact a virgin, but I also got the full body of screenings, which is sort of a silver lining. Everything in that respect was ok.
  
  I was never allowed to talk to that boy ever again, even though I maintained his innocence (he actually was still a virgin!) I was, of course, forced to go to church for several more years, and watch my rapist take the church podium many, many more times.
  
  I hope the takeaway here is that, yes, lying about being raped may very well be a common thing, but it’s probably almost never about “just wanting attention.” Well, actually it’s precisely about getting attention— attention to what may really be going on that’s even more horrific than the lies they tell.
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IHateGoatsPartDeuxJia Tolentino
4/09/15 11:26am
And, with that, I’m impressed any woman EVER goes to the authorities. Why? So she can get humiliated? I’ve know many, many women who have been raped. I don’t know a single one who has ever gone to the cops about it. I certainly haven’t (and I’m not sorry).

As for the out of body experience thing—there comes a point where you realize your rape is ineviatble. You can not win this round. You are physically not strong enough. He is NOT going to leave. So you say no, no, no but it doesn’t matter. You give up, take yourself to your happy place, and wait for it to be over. And then you try to convince yourself it wasn’t rape because rape is something terrible that you never want to happen to you. And the rapist knows all this.
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  minderlaIHateGoatsPartDeux
  4/09/15 11:41am
  This is perfect/describes what happened to me to a T, except I tried to run away, was followed and kept repeatedly saying "I have a boyfriend" rather than "no". It took me years to name what had happened to me.
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  LadyGrinningSoulIHateGoatsPartDeux
  4/09/15 11:46am
  Yes to all of this. I’m just glad (in a way) that I was black out drunk so that I don't remember the first time I was raped. I don't remember anything beyond trying to fight him off me. So I consider it a blessing, in a strange way.
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paddlepickleJia Tolentino
4/09/15 11:14am
I’m sure if the Rolling Story hadn’t been discredited all these tools would completely believe in rape culture, right?
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  LadyGrinningSoulpaddlepickle
  4/09/15 11:37am
  Oh, yes. Yes, of course.
  
  (No they wouldn’t.)
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  Albite_Youpaddlepickle
  4/09/15 11:43am
  Totes. They would be activists for reform right now having looked deep inside themselves and at the world around them.
  
  The only thing I can wish for these types of men is that they someday have daughters.
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tealstarJia Tolentino
4/09/15 11:29am
Right, because those guys would have believed in rape culture if Rolling Stone hadn’t been discredit. Some of the creepiest people are the ones who deny rape and rape culture are a problem. Because the only motivation to dismiss rape culture, is that they are hiding something about themselves or someone they know.
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  IWasSayingBoournertealstar
  4/09/15 11:38am
  I was dumb enough to get in an argument online with a guy who said that because of hysterical feminists, grabbing a woman’s breast and her slapping your hand away was considered sexual assault. When I countered that, um, yes, it absolutely is, he started chortling about how that made 90% of men guilty of sexual assault, because one of the hallmarks of being a Creepy Internet Man is convincing yourself they’re nothing abberant about you by attributing your behavior to all other men.
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  dalilaIWasSayingBoourner
  4/09/15 11:55am
  Well, he’s right. All of those men he’s referencing ARE guilty of sexual assault.
  
  I’ve brought this up before, but someone around these parts once told me that she interviewed a handful of men that were “falsely accused of rape”. When they explained their side of the story, she found that, in fact, they weren’t falsely accused at all. They just didn’t understand what rape IS. How horrifying.
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IWasSayingBoournerJia Tolentino
4/09/15 11:21am
All the rape-truthers who are gleeful about this keep insisting it’s not an isolated incident, Because Tawana Brawley and also Because Duke Lacrosse. So false rape reports are such an insidious problem they can name one per decade.
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  JustASpookySpookyGhostIWasSayingBoourner
  4/09/15 12:31pm
  One per decade and, of course, “My buddy’s cousin in Florida who some bitch accused of raping her but he was never charged so OBVIOUSLY she was lying. It could happen to anyone!”
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  IWasSayingBoournerJustASpookySpookyGhost
  4/09/15 12:36pm
  She’s right up there with the Woman With an iPhone Using an EBT Card in the ranks of people I totally believe exist.
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septembergrrlJia Tolentino
4/09/15 11:39am
The thing is this.

It is valid to say there is way too fucking much rape in the world, that victims are not taken seriously, and that in general college campuses need to find better ways to protect students from sexual assault and educate on sexual assault prevention strategies. (I wish it were as simple as saying “guys, don’t rape anybody, k thx,” but it’s not.)

But it is also valid to say 1-in-5 is a bullshit statistic that might as well have been pulled from thin air; that women who don’t go to college actually face a higher risk of rape than students, and the reasons we don’t see that crisis are pretty fucking classist; and that in some ways talking about “rape culture” excuses individuals from their actions. (RAINN has made some excellent points on this.)

What I wish more than anything is that we would quit seeing rape as some thing to fight about to score political points and see it as what it is: A horrible crime that no one should be “pro” or “con.” I seriously think that if society quit finding rape titillating (ew) and started treating it as a disgusting crime rape rates would go way down. Right now we have this weird situation where the debate seems to justify rape in some ways, or at least see it as inevitable, and that’s not helping anybody.
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  BurningDaBurnsReburnsABurninseptembergrrl
  4/09/15 11:54am
  I think things like the 1 in 4/5 statistic don’t die because people feel like without jarringly high numbers, they can’t convince people that there is a real problem. Trying to explain that the structure through which sexual assaults are dealt with on college campuses is broken to people who think that women are mostly lying harlots who belong in the kitchen would be incredibly tough.
  
  That being said, I think participating in the escalating arms race of anger and increasingly exaggerated rhetoric like that ultimately does more harm than good, because it is decidedly easy to use an exaggeration to silence someone who has plenty of other valid things to say.
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  Ughnowayicantseptembergrrl
  4/09/15 11:57am
  Interesting. I read the Time article you linked to that was written by the researchers. They clearly laid out the flaws, as well as the strengths (which there were some) of their study, and in no way is it comparable to something pulled from thin air. God, learn to understand research methods before you go making claims about something you don’t understand.
  
  Most people writing articles like this also wish we could start seeing rape as a horrible crime instead of something to fight about. The articles like this also point out that some shitty people who do things like quibble over statistics prevent that from happening.
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LooseSEALJia Tolentino
4/09/15 11:16am
Dear ~~Men~~ Assholes of America,

It took me my first college party to get raped, fuck off.

~~Sincerely~~ fuck you,

Julia
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  IHateGoatsPartDeuxLooseSEAL
  4/09/15 11:30am
  I was stopped from going into a frat party with a bunch of freshman girls (we were invited) by a guy at the door who recommended we not go for our safety. I don’t know who that guy was but I’ve always been grateful for him.
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  BrightEyesIHateGoatsPartDeux
  4/09/15 12:39pm
  My former boyfriend was in a fraternity and when he took me to his house for parties he told me to never drink anything I didn’t open myself, never be in a room alone and stay near him for my safety. This is what he said about his own brothers. Looking back, it says an awful lot about him that he would continue to associate with those guys knowing what he knew. Sadly, it also says a lot about me for staying with someone who looked the other way.
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crucifictorious916Jia Tolentino
4/09/15 11:19am
I have come to the conclusion that men who go out of their way to insist that rape culture doesn’t exist have probably raped someone.
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  LadyGrinningSoulcrucifictorious916
  4/09/15 11:44am
  Yes, that’s what i’m thinking.
  
  Sexual assault and rape are so common that when I find a friend of mine who hasn’t experienced either, I’m really surprised.
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  dalilacrucifictorious916
  4/09/15 12:01pm
  Agreed. And they probably don’t even know it, because... rape culture.
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