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    thebloodofthematadorTracy Moore
    4/07/15 5:01pm

    I work at a university, and two years ago I sat on an admissions committee. Our prospective students (this is a graduate program) are asked to submit short videos that tell us a little bit about themselves and why they want to come to our program.

    This one woman from India dressed up beautifully for her video. She was intelligent, articulate, precise, and seemed friendly— in other words, her video (in my opinion) helped her application A LOT. (I work in a very technical field, and we’re a little tired of geniuses with zero social skills or personality whatsoever.) Another woman on the committee said she didn’t like the applicant.

    “Why not? Her grades are perfect, she has publications, she has great reference letters, and she seems like a great fit,” says another faculty member.

    Her answer? “Eh. She’s too pretty. I couldn’t take her seriously.” I felt steam starting to build up in my head.

    “What are you talking about?”

    “Well, really, who dresses up like that for an application video? All that makeup? Come on.”

    The steam is pouring from my ears now, since I myself ran into that attitude quite frequently during my tenure in graduate school.

    “What does that have to do with anything? So what if she takes pride in how she looks? That doesn’t affect her work. You can see the hard results right here,” I say, gesturing to the projector, where the student’s grades are being shown.

    “I just don’t think I like her. I don’t think she’d be a serious student. She doesn’t seem genuine at all.”

    I nearly had to leave the room. We did end up accepting the student, but she chose to go to another school— probably for the best, since apparently her professor would refuse to take her seriously because she had eyeliner on. Fuck off, professor— just because you dress like an old couch doesn’t mean everyone has to.

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      Amy Housewinethebloodofthematador
      4/07/15 5:09pm

      Thanks for telling this story, because yes, older more established women can be allies, but they can also very much be part of the problem too.

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      hectorthewellendowed2thebloodofthematador
      4/07/15 5:29pm

      Ugh. This.

      I’m a physics major at UT, one of a few girls, and I’m pretty sure I’m basically the only one of either gender that actually takes pride in my appearance (there are a few good-looking guys who dress alright, but the vast majority of them are unkempt facial hair and BO and T-shirt with equation printed on it so everyone knows they’re smart). The girls usually have better hygiene, thank God, but dress p. much the same as the guys and don’t wear make up. Which, fine, but I wish I felt less like a damn Barbie just because I like looking pretty and the other girls don’t care.

      But also feel unqualified to put myself in the same boat as this woman because my grades are only okay for my major (physics is really, really hard and everyone’s brilliant.) Also even thinking about my quantum homework makes me feel physically sick and I have no attention span so actually it’s a miracle that I’m doing as well as I am.

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    dalilaTracy Moore
    4/07/15 4:39pm

    Just today a contractor called to talk about insurance. He told me I sounded like I could be his daughter. Then he said “Just pretend I’m your daddy.”

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      Oddacctdalila
      4/07/15 4:41pm

      EEEEEEEEW!

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      artless.dodgerdalila
      4/07/15 4:44pm

      <barf>

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    GemmabetaTracy Moore
    4/07/15 4:28pm

    pumpingmarshmallows:


    My 15-year-old niece got a talking-to from her high school guidance counselor for the exact same thing. She’s “too confident in her answers,” and it upsets her male teachers. Because…they’re overly emotional, insecure crybabies, I guess?

    DAFUQ?

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      marlabananaGemmabeta
      4/07/15 4:32pm

      In the office I used to work at, we’d have to vacuum if we wanted it clean under our desks. I was vacuuming at my desk and the one guy that worked there said “I’m bad at vacuuming, can you get under mine too?” :-I Seriously...how the f are you bad at vacuuming dude?

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      Gemmabetamarlabanana
      4/07/15 4:41pm

      Is that guy a Kappa? does his brain spill out if he bends over at the waist? Can he be easily bribed by cucumbers?

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    Lilly (Hungry hungry hipster!)Tracy Moore
    4/07/15 4:43pm

    So, how do you all deal with all this sexism? Like, do you refuse to do the demeaning thing they’re asking you to do? Do you point out it’s sexist? Do you just do it and then complain later? I’m not judging you for doing any of these things, I think every situation is different and sometimes there is no good option. But at some point I’m going to be in the professional work force, and I’d like some idea on how to handle this shit. :\

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      quakenakedLilly (Hungry hungry hipster!)
      4/07/15 4:52pm

      In my case, it's a combination of things. A previous higher up was a demeaning shit who loved to try and get people fired, so I just had to put up with him because I was a contractor and had no job protection. I do sometimes point out that an action is sexist, but most of the time now, I just flat refuse to do the thing. No, I will not make your copies. No, I will not fix the printer. No, I will not take on that administrative task that has no bearing on my own work. It's a learn as you go situation, unfortunately.

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      BlueIslesLilly (Hungry hungry hipster!)
      4/07/15 5:03pm

      This is what I want to know. We can’t win either way, so how is the best way to tell them to kindly fuck off?

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    fulanitaTracy Moore
    4/07/15 4:32pm

    When I call a judge’s chambers or opposing counsel to set up a hearing or mediation and get asked “So what’s *his* name/email/number?” “Who?” “The attorney handling this matter.”

    The attorney is me. I am “him”. And it’s not just the assumption that I’m the assistant because I’m calling directly, it’s the assumption that the attorney is male. This happens like weekly.

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      The Noble Renardfulanita
      4/07/15 4:36pm

      Just change to immigration court where I practice; here in New York more than half the judges are women and a ton of the practicing attorneys are too.

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      fulanitaThe Noble Renard
      4/07/15 4:39pm

      Oh, it’s the same here in Miami! Easily 60% of the judges and attorneys I deal with are women, which is what makes interactions like that so puzzling. People still make assumptions.

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    BrightEyesTracy Moore
    4/07/15 5:15pm

    Phone call between my husband and cold calling boiler room stock broker:

    Broker: (After going through a short speach) So I have this incredible opportunity for you to get in on for pennies. XYZ stock is trading at _____ and valued at _____. How many shares should I put you down for?

    Husband: Not sure. Let me run this by my wife.

    Broker: We aren’t talking about curtains and doilies here. We’re talking about stock!

    Husband: Yeah. My wife is a stockbroker for (large investment firm). You should be discussing this with her.

    Broker: (Click)

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      PintaLOLBrightEyes
      4/07/15 5:45pm

      hahaha this is amazing!

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      BrightEyesPintaLOL
      4/07/15 5:58pm

      Years ago I read in some business journal that these tactics work. Apparently being sexist regarding women often works with some men if you simultaneously challenge their masculinity. They will go full court to the other side to “prove” they make all the household decisions. The fact that my husband was totally unfazed and told him essentially that I handled the financial decisions made me love him even more.

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    NomNom83Tracy Moore
    4/07/15 4:34pm

    I’ve commented before about the small contractor, who was also a racist, sexist assbag, that I worked for years ago. His idiocy and ego knew no bounds. My favorite was when I was sitting in his office with the project manager (PM) for one of our regular meetings:

    PM: “NomNom is doing really well, one day soon, she’ll be a great PM.”

    Assbag *looking directly at me*: “She’s got nice hair.”

    Me: “My hair doesn’t get the job done.”

    I was out of there within a few months. Worst job I have ever had.

    She’s got nice hair.

    She’s got nice hair.

    She’s got nice hair.

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      MagentaNomNom83
      4/07/15 5:01pm

      Maybe I’m paranoid but I just can’t take that as a compliment! Too much Terry Pratchett I guess.

      http://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Agne...

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      AnotherBurnerPasswordToLoseNomNom83
      4/07/15 5:02pm

      In fairness, you probably do have great hair.

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    NonTracy Moore
    4/07/15 4:31pm

    Holy fuck the not shaking the hand thing. I work with all men in an industrial environment. When we meet with outside buisnesses or representatives I am always the last introduced, and often the handshake is wierd if I get one. Limp or that half hand thing. And when I jut my hand out and introduce myself the 45-50+ yr old looks startled or unamused.

    In defense of the last introduction thing- I’m usually with much higher up people and represent the underlings. So that could be a reason. Also ppl think I’m someones gf at dinners, and usually a shocked, “oh you do this too!?” Occurs.

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      GrumpyEagleNon
      4/07/15 4:38pm

      I went for a job at an orthodox Jewish nonprofit, and one of the things the recruiter warned me was to not shake hands with the rabbi, and to not be offended if he didn't offer me his hand to shake (because I might be "unclean" in a womanly way). I don't know why - I'm normally pretty tolerant as far as religious differences go - but that really irked me, so I kind of begged off on the rest of the interview process and didn't go back for the second, even though they sent many, many lovely emails imploring me to.

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      Dick JokesNon
      4/07/15 4:47pm

      often the handshake is wierd if I get one. Limp or that half hand thing.

      I’ve gotten into the habit of giving EXCESSIVELY firm, military-style handshakes for just this reason. If the other person doesn’t use enough grip, a “strong” handshake will make their knuckles hurt. I like to stare them dead in the eye while doing so. YOU’D BETTER SHAKE MY HAND LIKE YOU MEAN IT, BUCKO.

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    mollymlf05Tracy Moore
    4/07/15 4:59pm

    Related to the not-shaking-your-hand thing: I HATE when men go out of their way to open the door for you or let you off the elevator first. It’s nice to hold the door for the person behind you, but there’s no need to run ahead or wait 15 seconds just to open the door for me. It feels so patronizing. Often times, I’m in the back of a crowded elevator entering or leaving the courthouse, and dudes will scrunch into one another to hold the door open for me to get off first. Just get off in order of your proximity to the door!

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      NoraNextmollymlf05
      4/07/15 5:10pm

      THIS! I get on a bus with a bunch of other people twice a day, and everyone gets in an orderly line to get on but certain men (not all of them, but always the same ones) feel the need to step out of line and let anyone without a Y chromosome go ahead of them. It ruins the whole line and makes everything take longer.

      I also hate hate hate the term “ladies first”. Just go in order, because I’m not a lady I’m a fucking HUMAN BEING!

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      MS38mollymlf05
      4/07/15 5:40pm

      I hate this too! I was raised that the first person to get to the door holds it open for everyone else, but I have had men straight-up refuse to go through a door I’m holding open for them.

      I am NOT going to loiter around a door and wait for you to catch-up so that you can feel manly and open it for me...

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    FrolickingGiantTracy Moore
    4/07/15 4:44pm

    This shit so hard. I deal with a lot of contractors and truck repair companies on a daily basis. The amount of times I’ve been told “Sweetie, it’s going to be fine” when those assholes are running behind on getting me something fucking important, I could write a book! My favorite was when I had to repeatedly call this dude cause he wasn’t getting our repaired truck back to us like he said he would and he goes “oh hi Frolickinggiant, we gotta stop talking like this sweetie, my wife will get suspicious”. I raged so hard (in my head though, cause I strive to be “professional” unlike these assholes.)

    Also the constant unnecessary touching when I actually go to these places. Not like inappropriate per say, but like arm touching every fucking second while being called sweetie. don’t like it.

    Sorry I have a lot of feelings ha.

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      VonQuesoFrolickingGiant
      4/07/15 4:47pm

      No one calls me sweetie. No.

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      OddacctFrolickingGiant
      4/07/15 4:57pm

      Ugh, yeah I used to go to conferences for my job. The conferences were filled with men that sold the products that my company reviewed (I’m a writer). So many would touch my back, my arm, give me those uncomfortable “hungry” looks. One time I went with my boss and they asked if I was her daughter.

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