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    dothedewHamilton Nolan
    4/01/15 5:38pm

    I'm surprised to find out that they are so low born that they use the term "nanny." I would have expected them to search for a Governess.

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      stacyinbeandothedew
      4/01/15 5:41pm

      My first thought was that Captain von Trapp wrote this.

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      TheHoopoedothedew
      4/01/15 5:42pm

      No one outside the Royal family has said 'governess' in 100 years. Governesses were educators and since children go to school these days there is no need for them.

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    stacyinbeanHamilton Nolan
    4/01/15 5:38pm

    "X is not allowed to eat any processed sugars. This is pertinent and is has a deleterious affect on his mental health. To ensure he cooperates this, please check his backpack when he returns from any outing and his coat pockets. At any time you are in a grocery or store with him, he must remain in your immediate eye sight at all times."

    Is he a tiny sugar thief?!

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      TheHoopoestacyinbean
      4/01/15 5:43pm

      I was a sugar thief as a child.

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      Rikki-Tikki-Deadlystacyinbean
      4/01/15 5:51pm

      First he gets the sugar...then he gets the power...

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    HeyDorthVaderHamilton Nolan
    4/01/15 5:42pm

    I mean, I am a nanny (in CT) and this doesn't seem... THAT unreasonable? Sure it smacks of pretension and rich people problems, but my job description is basically a slightly-less-privileged version of that. Most of the stuff seems pretty standard (with the possible exception of vacuuming the dog and, well, all the other dog stuff).

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      FauxhemianRhapshodyHeyDorthVader
      4/01/15 5:49pm

      I agree with you. Every single item on that list seems like it's there for a reason, as if they've had issues in the past.

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      Burn After ReadingHeyDorthVader
      4/01/15 5:54pm

      But I mean…the laundress is not allowed upstairs??

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    toothpetardHamilton Nolan
    4/01/15 5:39pm

    Nothing says 'I care about my children' more than the rigor with which one screens the people one pays to raise them.

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      dothedewtoothpetard
      4/01/15 5:45pm

      Can you imagine if they spent half as much time with their kids as they did in writing up the 22 pages of instructions for the nanny?

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      toothpetarddothedew
      4/01/15 5:46pm

      Probably had it written up by someone in HR.

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    LadyOlennasHeadScarf​Hamilton Nolan
    4/01/15 5:36pm

    For 60K a year, I will leave their fridge temperature right the fuck alone.

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      ZeetalLadyOlennasHeadScarf​
      4/01/15 5:44pm

      I've never thought of changing someone else's fridge/freezer/home temperature.

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      NomstradamusLadyOlennasHeadScarf​
      4/01/15 6:43pm

      Right?!? Besides, you counter offer at $1400/wk and end up with $1325. That's A HELL of a lot more than I make, and I make great money!

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    readthemeadeHamilton Nolan
    4/01/15 5:38pm

    My coworker was raised under similar sounding conditions, especially the no tv/music except jazz and NPR. Needless to say he's an insufferable prick.

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      Life is a Playlistreadthemeade
      4/01/15 5:51pm

      There are plenty of others that were, who aren't.

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      AlgonquinBearLife is a Playlist
      4/01/15 6:05pm

      yet, and I say this based only on this interaction that i'm witnessing as a third party, you are.

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    ForestofTreesHamilton Nolan
    4/01/15 5:36pm

    X does not go upstairs, so you must bring the clothing to her.

    GIF
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      yvanehtniojForestofTrees
      4/01/15 5:41pm

      X is shackled to the ironing board; she knows what she did.

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      ThisismyBurnerForestofTrees
      4/01/15 5:42pm

      She wears that shackle out of choice not like its any of your business though.

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    nimuexxxHamilton Nolan
    4/01/15 7:54pm

    I hope NO ONE thought this was real. This is not real. No way. This was written by someone who can barely write – but is trying to sound as if she writes very well. It was also written by someone who doesn't know anything about the lives of the rich. Rich people do not sound like this nor do they want some of the things this character claims to want. And the anti-semitism...I will get to that later.

    The piece is filled with errors. There are minor ones, such as saying "do to" instead of the correct "due to" or "affect" when "effect" should have been used. But every sentence is a grammatical and logical nightmare!

    Look at the request regarding the dog's feeding times!

    "She eats twice per day. Since these feedings fall at 9 and 5, they will fall on your schedule weekdays."

    What? Um, the hours of 9 and 5 fall EVERY DAY, not just on the nanny's SCHEDULED (not schedule) work days — not weekdays. Am I supposed to believe that a Master of the Universe or the wife of a Master of the Universe who may be a Master of the Universe herself wrote that?

    Nope. No way. The person writing this knows nothing about Masters of the Universe.

    The person writing this imagines, for example, that pressed clothes are important to wealthy people. That is utter nonsense. The request that "Each child should have five pressed outfits minimum at the ready" is ridiculous.

    I mentioned in another post that I grew up in an extremely wealthy town and went to an extremely expensive private school that enrolled extremely rich trust fund babies and old money who had extremely wrinkled and rumpled clothing. I never knew rich parents to care about their kids' clothes being pressed. And they would say ironed, actually, not pressed. Actually, the only people I ever knew who pressed clothes (and who used that term) were my inner city students of color.

    Oh — if anyone thinks that is racist — go fuck yourself. It's not. If people think it's racist to say that I noticed that my students pressed their clothes while my classmates never ironed theirs then this world is more lost than I thought it was.

    But this attempt to sound SO SMART...it really DOES remind me of the way my students write. They would cram every single vocabulary word I gave them into every homework while making countless errors — but it was kind of endearing, because they were trying. Man, I really hope one of my students didn't write this – but it sounds like stuff I used to get from them. They were young and they wanted to sound smart and they wound up sounding like young kids who were trying to sound smart and instead sounded foolish.

    The piece is riddled with errors. There are many errors in subject/verb agreement, things like "Instruments and machinery therein is specifically calibrated." So many. And again – who SPEAKS that way? Or WRITES that way? No one. But I can tell you who might THINK a rich, nanny-hiring person would speak that way. A young kid who doesn't know people who have hired nannies.

    But the worst part is the part about pork. I can laugh at the other stuff – at the crazy beliefs the writer has about what the rich think. The pompous and error-ridden writing is amusing. But when the person writing this says, "Please feel free to add any items for consumption that you might enjoy, excepting pork products, which we do not keep or serve in our home," I stop laughing.

    The use of the word "excepting" is amusing as is the overwrought wordiness of the sentence. But the writer has created a really horrific character (a totally unbelievable character – but she meant for people to believe that this was real) so why make this character either Jewish or Muslim?

    I think the writer is trying to make us believe that a Jewish person wrote this. Look at this again: "You are welcome to any food we have in our home…Please feel free to add any items for consumption that you might enjoy, excepting pork products, which we do not keep or serve in our home."

    That sounds like a stereotypical Jew (as the writer of this piece would see one). Look! The Jew is trying to feed everyone! And it's a Jew – look! No pork! As if that were all there were to keeping kosher! Ha! But the writer of this piece does not know that. Why include this, then? To make sure we know this person is Jewish. The pork thing could be Muslim…but I think this nit-picking, control-freak, wretched character we are supposed to believe is real is meant to be Jewish.

    To that I say, "Oy, vey" and give a hearty face/palm. Yeah – I think the writer is trying to say this family is Jewish but since the writer has no idea what it means to be kosher, or Jewish, or rich, she is fucking up at every turn.

    The person who wrote this doesn't know the world that she is pretending to know about – she isn't the person she is pretending wrote this piece. I think she is young and ignorant. She doesn't come from money and doesn't know people who do.

    Why do this? Why make up all this nonsense? Why create such a wretched character and then try to imply that she is Jewish?

    Ugh.

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      2016nimuexxx
      4/01/15 8:24pm

      April 1st... Would not be surprised if it was prepared for today.

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      AssFault on the Highway to Hellnimuexxx
      4/02/15 10:00am

      Muslims don't eat ham either, fwiw.

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    Life is a PlaylistHamilton Nolan
    4/01/15 5:47pm

    Lots of companies have employee manuals that are three times as long as that.

    The great thing about paying someone to do a job for you is that you can dictate how said job is performed.

    How many pages is the Gawker Media employee handbook?

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      Dan SeitzLife is a Playlist
      4/01/15 6:26pm

      Yes, but those are major corporations that have to get tens, hundreds or even thousands working together in relative harmony, across cultures, experience gaps, and age gaps.

      This is one person looking after a fucking toddler. Child care is definitely complicated, but come on.

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      HeBeGeeBeesDan Seitz
      4/03/15 4:26pm

      It doesn't matter the number of employees. Why should people who works or bigger companies get more information?

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    onehappymanHamilton Nolan
    4/01/15 6:28pm

    "...television program that offers up music or music videos"

    If you find a program that offers up 'music videos', you probably have stumbled into a wormhole and are now in 1987. Please do not adjust the temperature of 1987 but adjust the height of your leg-warmers to accomodate.

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      Ceconehappyman
      4/02/15 3:05am

      Perfect

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      Elysiaonehappyman
      4/02/15 11:32am

      Honestly, this made my day.

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