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    GinAndTonic Got Stuck in the BarneyTracy Moore
    4/02/15 2:41pm

    I work for a big utility company in a technical position, and I am one of 6 women in a group of over 30 people. The majority of the company’s 23,000 employees are male, and the overwhelming majority of women in the company work in administrative support, clerical, or other non-technical roles. The culture can be extremely male-oriented. The company is very diverse in all other aspects, but the bottom line is that the field we are in is male dominated.

    The subtle shit that happens to me is stuff like being asked to cut and serve cake during group parties or being asked to help set up or clean up events. The men in my group are NEVER asked to do this. I refuse whenever possible, or else recruit a guy to help me. I absolutely never do things like make cookies or bring in treats for the group, unless it’s part of a potluck that everybody is contributing to. I am not a den mother, an admin assistant, or a maid, and I don’t want to be seen or treated like one.

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      deerlady83GinAndTonic Got Stuck in the Barney
      4/02/15 2:51pm

      You want cookies make them yourself is my reaction.

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      GinAndTonic Got Stuck in the BarneyGinAndTonic Got Stuck in the Barney
      4/02/15 2:52pm

      Additionally, my supervisor, whom I otherwise like and work well with, only really casually chats with the men in my group. With me, it’s strictly work-related.

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    thesquarerootofTracy Moore
    4/02/15 2:41pm

    The first example to come to mind:

    On my first comprehensive exam, after being put through a ringer about edits on an exam type for which edits are not customary (and for which colleagues who do significantly less complicated and theoretical work were not expected to submit edits), I was finally passed after my oral defense. When it came time to critique my performance in the oral defense, I was told:

    “You seem too sure of your answers. It’s not that your answers were wrong, it’s that they came to you too quickly. People want to see you take a moment to think about things. You seem overly sure of yourself.”

    I suggested that this was maybe because I had thought in advance of what questions might be asked and prepared answers for myself so I would be ready. Nodding, my professor replied:

    “See, it’s not that the answers were wrong, you just seemed overly confident about them.”

    I immediately felt like this was sexist. But I knew it was sexist when I shared it with a mixed gender group of colleagues and before I could even share my suspicions, all unanimously agreed that a male student would never have received the same criticism.

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      yaydoggiezthesquarerootof
      4/02/15 2:46pm

      Wtf? Basically, a woman is too competent? How unsettling for your poor professor!

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      pumpingmarshmallowsthesquarerootof
      4/02/15 2:47pm

      My 15-year-old niece got a talking-to from her high school guidance counselor for the exact same thing. She’s “too confident in her answers,” and it upsets her male teachers. Because…they’re overly emotional, insecure crybabies, I guess?

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    Cocopop!Tracy Moore
    4/02/15 2:45pm

    I work in education, specifically special education, so this isn’t usually an issue at my school site, though I have seen instances where, say, a male psychologist on the team insists that he is the only person who makes eligibility decisions, when in fact those are team decisions.

    In my first year of teaching, on an all female special education team, there were times when we were meeting and I looked around the table and was overwhelmed with gratitude to be working with a group of women that had such great teamwork when it came to eligibility decisions, and was so knowledgeable about interpreting data. I wanted to scream LOOK AT ALL THESE SMART AS FUCK WOMEN GODDAMN!

    The problem comes outside of school, where people think our jobs are “cute,” or that if you know how to read, you know how to teach reading.

    We are currently in contract negotiations, so I have been giving flyers to parents outside of school letting them know why we are taking certain actions. One day a father said to me, “Of course you should be getting a raise. What I want to know is why they do you like this? They don’t do the fire department like that, or the police. They pay those guys right. Why don’t they pay you right?”

    I was tired, so I told him the truth, “Because, if it has mostly to do with women and children, it is assumed that it couldn’t possibly require any intelligence.”

    His mouth fell open. He told me I was right. I know I’m right!

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      thesquarerootofCocopop!
      4/02/15 2:55pm

      Coco, I didn't know that is your field! My mom did that for years and it is HARD FUCKING WORK. They should pay you sleigh loads of money. You keep fighting that BS, friend!

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      Beyonce PadThaiCocopop!
      4/02/15 2:55pm

      Girl, preach.

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    sour plumTracy Moore
    4/02/15 2:38pm

    Ah, yes. When I was hired, the job description said X amount of money. I got less then X, tried to negotiate, and was told in a year I would be bumped up. In a year, I got rave performance reviews and told I was doing everything perfectly. However, all of a sudden, “Nobody gets raises or promotions” before 2 years. Until I pointed out that 3 men all got promotions before two years. One guy I work with never had an office job before this, we have parallel and same level positions, and he got a promotion (above me) at 18 months (even though I have 4 more years of experience and a masters degree in the field from an Ivy). My promotion? “Still in the HR request, it’s happening so soon though!”

    Yeah. Ok.

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      acornsour plum
      4/02/15 2:44pm

      That makes me so enraged for you. ugh, ugh, ugh.

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      TrumanChipotlesour plum
      4/02/15 2:46pm

      EXACTLY the same here. And my boss is a woman :(

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    chicaboomTracy Moore
    4/02/15 2:42pm

    I love baseball, and since I have lady parts, I’ve spent my whole life having men try to diminish my opinions or my passion. I called a sports talk radio show once to answer a trivia question and had the (male) host ask, “Did your boyfriend give you the answer?” I wore a shirt for one of my favorite players while shopping at a Staples and had the (male) cashier make a comment under his breath that I only rooted for said player because the athlete happened to be cute. I’ve had opposing (male) fans heckle me at the ballpark (and then subsequently get publicly schooled by me).

    But the most recent instance that pissed me off the very most was at a work-related cocktail hour, the day after Clayton Kershaw’s amazing no-hitter last season. I am from L.A. and a Dodgers fan, but I live in a different team’s territory right now. As such, I was the only person at the table who had actually watched the game live in TV. Everyone else had heard about it after the fact and watched the highlights. So I was sharing details about what made the game so special, and before I could finish any of my sentences, one dude in particular would interrupt me and try to take over the convo. I made a comment about how Kershaw’s game was one of the best pitched games in history, and he immediately belittled my comment with a sarcastic, “Haha, yeah right. Who is even saying that besides you?” I rattled off columnist and media outlet names. I gave him statistics. When I made a comment about how crazy that it was a game with no hits OR walks AND with 15 ks, he rolled his eyes and said, “So...a no-hitter. Lots of people have had them.” No, you dick. Not JUST a no-hitter. No hits *or* walks clearly puts this particular no-hitter in a different level, just a hair’s breadth away from a perfect game. And those strikeouts...good Lord, how do you even argue against that? He kept spouting anecdotes, I gave facts. I calmly explained my points, he laughed mid-sentence.

    I can’t remember all the details of that evening because I was internally raging, and I’ve since tried to block most of it from my memory in order to continue to work with this douchebag. Thankfully, he changed jobs recently. Thinking maybe I was overreacting, I asked a mutual friend who had worked with previously what her thoughts were on him (without explaining my issues first, so I’d have an uninfluenced answer) and her immediate reply was, “Oh my god, he’s SUCH A MANSPLAINER.” Yep. I knew I wasn’t imagining it.

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      Stephocleschicaboom
      4/02/15 2:50pm

      I am nowhere near as knowledgeable as you are about sports; however, I do enjoy sports, particularly football. It's more than a little irritating that people assume having a vagina means you couldn't possibly be interested in sports (especially something as violent as football) and, if you do, you dont really have a good handle on the rules. Also, if you claim to be into football, you're clearly just doing it to impress boys.

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      Stephocleschicaboom
      4/02/15 2:52pm

      Also: I absolutely love it when women school men on something and the man doesn't know what he's talking about, but acts like he does just because he has a penis. I'm assuming everyone listening in on your conversation could tell he was an utter moron.

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    squarksTracy Moore
    4/02/15 2:54pm

    I was told that my attire was “too corporate” and that I should try to “soften” my look up. My normal attire is button down shirts and slacks, just like the other (male) employees. I asked what the clothing allowance was so that I could replace my presumably offensive wardrobe on the company’s dime.

    He dropped the subject but I was the “bitch” for ever after.

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      Amy'sOwlsquarks
      4/02/15 3:35pm

      And a friend of mine was told after a post-college job interview some years ago that she wasn’t a “good fit for the firm” because her hair was too long and unprofessional. I shit you not. That’s right! Can’t win.

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      ohnoshebettadontsquarks
      4/02/15 3:38pm

      Say what you will, but I don’t know a single guy that’s not envious of the fact that you can wear a sundress or even open-toed shoes and/or no sleeves on a 95-degree day when we need to wear slacks and button-front shirts, undershirts, and jackets.

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    Ken Yadiggit, AdiosTracy Moore
    4/02/15 3:13pm

    When you meet people for the first time and they shake everyone in the group’s hand but yours because you are the only woman. Legit they drop the last man’s hand, look at me and then smile and nod. OHHOHOHOHOFUCK THAT I just stick my hand out obnoxiously and wait until they get uncomfortable and have to shake it. And I usually have a firmer handshake than some of those limp cod-ass motherfuckers, too.

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      Kenny and the LlamasKen Yadiggit, Adios
      4/02/15 3:26pm

      You know it’s going to happen sooner or later:

      GIF
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      Ken Yadiggit, AdiosKenny and the Llamas
      4/02/15 3:28pm

      Ah, but it’s the perfect face punching angle. They’re really just setting themselves up for it.

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    vraimentTracy Moore
    4/02/15 2:41pm

    I just found out a guy I know in a professional capacity and had always assumed was a few years ahead of me is, in fact, a few years younger without relevant professional experience! But, he talks like a Dad, like he’s got all this relevant life experience, you know what I mean? So here I’ve been listening to dad-talking guy thinking he’s so wise and I just found out (via his own admission) that he’s basically ‘faking-it-til-he-makes-it.’ Dad-talking dudes, I AM ON TO YOU.

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      mazzieDvraiment
      4/02/15 2:45pm

      Is he actually a dad? I feel like there is massive bias against unmarried, childless people in professional settings. Like, if people know you’re married and have kids they assume you’re more mature.

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      mechavoltvraiment
      4/02/15 2:47pm

      But Dad talking is my secret to success! But seriously, I can walk into a room and start talking, and everyone will pay attention, take me seriously, and not question what I’m saying, all because I’m a dude who sounds like he knows what he’s talking about. It’s ridiculous unfair, and I don’t know what to do about it. I try to talk up and validate other people as much as possible, but there’s only so much one person can do against the system.

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    rockymountainrococo is too pretty to give headTracy Moore
    4/02/15 2:46pm

    At a recent newsroom meeting where editors were debating whether I should travel to a city 7 hours away for a story, my younger male colleague (sports desk) baldly informed the room that this was terrible idea since “ChaseOM is a terrible driver!”

    He was giggling.

    I was furious.

    I am a great driver.

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      rockymountainrococo is too pretty to give headrockymountainrococo is too pretty to give head
      4/02/15 2:49pm

      AND HE HAS NEVER BEEN IN A CAR WITH ME. EVER. IT WAS JUST SOMETHING HE FELT WAS DEFINITELY TRUE.

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      sitarockymountainrococo is too pretty to give head
      4/02/15 2:50pm

      ughhhh younger asshole male colleagues are the WORST

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    ELPStuffnJunkTracy Moore
    4/02/15 2:35pm

    I edit a beer magazine so me and the SO go to beer bars and breweries quite a lot. Every single time the bartender will strike the conversation up with my SO about beer styles, trends, etc. and he’ll have to gesture over to me with while saying “I dunno, I don’t know much about beer. She’s the editor of xxyy magazine. She’s the one you should be talking to.” Followed by the bartender usually awkwardly saying something like “Oh! Wow! Good for you!”

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      barrachasELPStuffnJunk
      4/02/15 2:42pm

      “Good for you!” pats you on the head.

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      ELPStuffnJunkbarrachas
      4/02/15 2:48pm

      Literally has happened.

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