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    Ginger Is A ConstructEllie Shechet
    3/18/15 5:38pm

    "Mrs. Bennett, am I right?"

    Holy shit. Holy shit. There are FIVE Bennett sisters, and FIVE Kardashian / Jenner sisters!!!!! And Kylie is such a Lydia!! Dear God do I want an All-Kardashian-cast Pride and Prejudice!!

    As much as I would love Miley Cyrus to take some classes on American History, African American Studies, sociology etc. I feel like she would be exhausting to have in class.

    Also, re: Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom hate-fucking for co-parentings: what Hollywood couple's therapist is telling divorced couples to bang in order to be better parents? Weren't GOOP and Coldplay also rumored to be pulling that move?

    Kate Middleton's BFF hosts sex parties. Kate Middleton's parents run a chain of party supply stores. COINCIDENCE????

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      CielabirdyGinger Is A Construct
      3/18/15 5:45pm

      OH SHIT SHE TOTALLY IS

      Wait, is Kim our Lizzie or...?

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      Ginger Is A ConstructCielabirdy
      3/18/15 5:46pm

      Dear lord if Kim is Lizzie then Kanye is Darcy. Maybe Disick is Darcy? I want it to be Khloe though, she deserves some luck in love.

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    paultoesEllie Shechet
    3/18/15 6:09pm

    Yaaaaasss! What man/woman could resist?

    GIF

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      Thundechunkeepaultoes
      3/18/15 6:26pm

      I cannot stop watching that gift. It's mesmerizing.

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      paultoesThundechunkee
      3/18/15 6:49pm

      It really is a gift.

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    LadyGrinningSoulEllie Shechet
    3/18/15 5:38pm

    Why would Bruce change his name to Kristen? That's Kris Jenner's full first name!

    ETA-

    Grade: D (An open-mouth kiss with Bob Durst)

    Also, this is horrifying.

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      nerdybirdyLadyGrinningSoul
      3/18/15 5:50pm

      The name change is just Step One. Step Two is faking his own death. Then Step Three is getting Kris out of the public's eye for a while so he can slowly skin her alive, cure his brand new Kris-skin-suit, and alter it so it's perfect for Step Four. Which is reappearing in the public as Kris and taking over her life. Classic.

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      LadyGrinningSoulnerdybirdy
      3/18/15 6:07pm

      There's definitely gonna be some sort of Single White Female situation happening if Bruce changes his name to Kristen.

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    IndianaJoanEllie Shechet
    3/18/15 6:11pm

    I LIVE for the celebrity animal look alike. I really need to figure out which celebrity my pets look like so I can submit them. Or rather, which celebrity would be the funniest comparison since actual resemblance doesn't really matter.

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      IndianaJoanIndianaJoan
      3/18/15 6:25pm

      Ok, I am totally submitting one. My pet lookalike is Eva Longoria and my reasoning is "they both have beautiful brown eyes and an affinity for polka dots!"

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      elisabobisaIndianaJoan
      3/18/15 6:28pm

      my dog looks like Jake Gyllenhaal. straight up. i say she's giving me those "Gyllenhaal eyes" when she wants something real bad. or maybe it's because HE just has puppy dog eyes? maybe i should not be blaming the puppy.

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    fighting polish is David Schwimmer as Rob Kardashian SrEllie Shechet
    3/18/15 5:37pm

    A+ photoshop, Star magazine!

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      Tequila Mockingbirdfighting polish is David Schwimmer as Rob Kardashian Sr
      3/18/15 5:49pm

      If I squint, I can almost feel like they're in the same room!

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      easytopleasefighting polish is David Schwimmer as Rob Kardashian Sr
      3/18/15 5:51pm

      I can't stop looking at it. WTF did they do to Tom Cruise? It looks like...a sculpture of clay or something.

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    MsAdventureEllie Shechet
    3/18/15 6:08pm

    (A date with Mark Ruffalo, but he wants to have a wasabi-eating contest before you seal the deal)

    Like that would stop me, or even slow me down. Not only would my shirt rip off faster than the Hulk's, but my pants would soon follow (how do his always stay on post-transformation?).

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      Jane *is* the... gazelle?MsAdventure
      3/18/15 6:30pm

      Yeah, why is this on a par with the other D grades??

      And lycra.

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      MsAdventureJane *is* the... gazelle?
      3/18/15 9:11pm

      So, is he always wearing Lycra, just in case he Hulks out? That's so unfortunate. Poor, poor Dr. Banner. Here, let me comfort you...

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    JujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes hereEllie Shechet
    3/18/15 6:49pm

    Re: Teresa sitting on the bowl; do any of you ladies actually sit on a public toilet? It's my understanding that you all magically hover over it "Matrix" bullet-time meets "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" style.

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      bishheartJujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes here
      3/18/15 6:57pm

      Hovering isn't any easier or more sanitary than wiping down the seat, lining the seat with toilet paper, sitting on the seat, wiping off the seat when done, and washing ones hands.

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      TeaSnark71JujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes here
      3/18/15 7:04pm

      I sit; because I know that I get pretty pissed when I have to wipe off pee, which you'd still have to do even if you use those fancy paper covers. I'm also of the belief that if everybody just sat then we wouldn't have to worry about pee being on the seats. It's a conspiracy, IMHO.

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    All Corgis All the TimeEllie Shechet
    3/18/15 5:34pm

    Jezebel, please offer $10,000 for pictures of Tom and John together holding hands. If you care about us at all, you will do this. Gawker Media needs this. Corgis the world over need this. Dudebro my backyard squirrel needs this.

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      Tequila MockingbirdAll Corgis All the Time
      3/18/15 5:51pm

      Oh please. I would give my whole Pez dispenser collection to the person who finds a photo of Tom giving John a sexy man massage while they are both wrapped in white towels.

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      nerdybirdyAll Corgis All the Time
      3/18/15 5:52pm

      I went Googling, but all I found was this:

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    La.M.Ellie Shechet
    3/18/15 5:33pm

    Want.

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      djbaconphatLa.M.
      3/18/15 6:09pm

      came here to say the same thing... where can i find??

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      djbaconphatLa.M.
      3/18/15 6:21pm

      they're prada.

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    TrumanChipotleEllie Shechet
    3/18/15 5:41pm

    Greatest intro sentence ever. Get it, Ellie

    GIF
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      AlisonHendryxTrumanChipotle
      3/18/15 6:14pm

      aw, that gif is one of my favorites :)

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      doneTrumanChipotle
      3/18/15 6:43pm

      and despite the fact that they have been seen together, like, three times in the past decade,

      That just proves it though.

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