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James DelJohn Cook
2/13/15 2:29pm
David and I first met shooting guns for Foster Kamer's birthday a few years back, a tradition we kept as recently as this past December. He wasn't a particularly good shot (his bad neck made it hard for him to keep his eye on the sight), but the sheer joy he emitted when one of us hit a clay was contagious. "FUCK YEAH BABY!" he'd proclaim, occasionally making the strangers on the course uncomfortable. Uncomfortable, that is, until the compliments were directed their way—he had a tendency to call people he didn't know "boss" in the same way that I refer to everyone as "dude"—and by the end of the round he was getting the life story from a stranger who had no clue they were talking to a living legend.

After a few of these trips and some run-ins at parties, David invited me (who he called JDel, my Twitter handle), Anthony DeRosa (better known to David as Soup or Soupie after his Tumblr moniker) and Foster (FEK, his initials) to his cabin upstate for a boy's 4th of July weekend. Foster unfortunately couldn't make it, but Anthony and I made the drive up to Corinth, where Carr has a charming 3 bedroom cabin on Lake Jenny. As good houseguests, we showed up with a handle of whiskey (we were told explicitly to not let his sobriety get in the way of our getting loaded, he was one of the most non-judgmental sober people I've ever met), two roadside apple pies, and about $400 worth of high grade fireworks. He lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw the cache...our relationship was really grounded in our shared love of blowing things up.

The first night we polished half the bottle with his equally eclectic and brilliant wife—Jill—as we sat around his bonfire and played with Charlie, his dog and best friend. "ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE HERE, CHARLIE!" he'd say in his cigarette-strained rasp. As a group of naturally curious rabble-rousers, we exchange stories, asked each other probing questions about the most intimate details, and lived vicariously through our vastly different life experiences. He often told me how good I had it, saying things like "if I were your age I would be drowning myself in women" and often reminding me that legends never die.

That weekend was one of the most inspiring and relaxing weekend I can remember having. We were like kids—we played golf (poorly, mainly to drive the golf carts), went to a drive-in double feature (Ted and Brave), swam in the lake, went tubing (wherein Carr was dragged out by the current and we feared having to explain to Jill how we lost David because he was trying to split the goalpost rocks at the end of the run), repaired a ping pong table (which I'm told 3 years later is still standing), and talked all of the shit in the world. We also blew stuff up, naturally.

I've been back to the cabin twice since, the last time was this past summer. I went up alone and joined David, his wife, and his youngest daughter, Maddie. We played Cards Against Humanity (he famously played the "tiny horse" card when his 19 year old daughter asked "How did I lose my virginity?") and treated me like family the entire weekend. One afternoon he and I took a boat out on Lake George, ate sandwiches and I complained about my wayward job as an advertising exec—something I never wanted to do with my life but did for the money. His advice was exactly what I needed to hear, and as a 27 year old it echoed the sentiment Cook mentions here. "Slow down, when I was your age, I didn't just not have it figured out, I was on a path of utter self-destruction. At least you're making money." As I was leaving, he pointed at the place where he hides the cabin key and told me I was always welcome whenever I wanted, an offer I never took him up on but always considered when life in NY was getting to be too much.

A few weeks later I told my boss at Gawker, CRO Andrew Gorenstein, that a career in advertising was not for me. David encouraged me to challenge myself, live like a legend, and always blow shit up when the opportunity presented itself. Now I'm a month in to a new job here at Gawker, and have every intention to build our programming into something he'd be proud of. "You're an impresario now, go fuck some models" he'd tell me the last night we hung out, a lovely evening away from the strip in Las Vegas during CES. He was having a hard time finding an angle on which to cover CES, and I gave him my take: CES isn't about tech anymore, it's about media and advertising. He started scribbling furiously and asking the kinds of questions that reporters ask, thanking me for inspiring that week's column. I was so thrown by his thanks, after all he had done for me, giving him a take was the least I could do.

Here's to the legend, it will be a long time before the world gets another human being like him.
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  ElumerereJames Del
  2/13/15 5:01pm
  You're a good writer.
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  Foster KamerJames Del
  2/13/15 5:59pm
  This is extraordinary.
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John CookJohn Cook
2/13/15 1:18pm
If anyone else has any good David stories—or bad David stories, like this one from an old Minnesota friend—let's drop them in here. I'll wrangle Gawker folks who have things to say.
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  Victor Jeffreys IIJohn Cook
  2/13/15 1:50pm
  http://victorjeffreys.kinja.com/david-carr-the…
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  James Wm JohnsonJohn Cook
  2/13/15 3:17pm
  David interviewed me for a magazine story thirty years ago here in Minnesota. Having relatives galore in the "business" I was delighted to have this opportunity. His nicely crafted story (a new business start-up type) was well received. Sadly, as I noted from his draft, the editor eventually deleted my lovely vignette about my doings as a graduate school protester in the Columbia University Riots of 1968. How cool David thought enough of it to include it. (Not many would to be sure.) I loved his writing.
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SlickWillieJohn Cook
2/13/15 1:26pm
"He didn't have a job for me, but he asked me about my life, my work thus far..."

This is the kind of thing that you just can't appreciate until you're no longer trying to claw your way into a career. I had something like this happen to me in my mid-twenties, and now being a busy (kind of) professional I honestly appreciate what it must have been like for that guy to take time out of his busy day to talk to some clueless and scared kid. I guess because he was one once too. I'd like to do that for someone some day.
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  JohninLASlickWillie
  2/13/15 1:37pm
  Yeah, really. When you're the youngster in that scenario, it just seems like a nice favor. But as you climb the ladder... holy shit what a sacrifice it is to put a thousand things on hold and meet with someone for whom any benefit is unilateral.
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MarkEbnerJohn Cook
2/13/15 4:25pm
This is a fine tribute John, and it helps me understand, in part, how you became such a fine journalist. Given Carr's history, he was really only getting started - and there's the tragedy.
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  CirceMarkEbner
  2/15/15 9:52pm
  I don't understand how you could say that David Carr was just getting started. His writing/ reporting/journalism/whatever was clearly deteriorating after years of abusing himself. His authority and relationship with the media makes me question everyone he mentored. He believed in some wacky stuff that I'm afraid tainted his work. People like David Carr who probably was not sober when he died should never be given as much unchecked power as he was given. When I read the work of people who he gave jobs to I can see how cultishness pervades in their work. The truth always comes out and to thine own self be true, yada, yada.
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  MarkEbnerCirce
  2/16/15 12:40am
  To be clear, I believe that his life started pretty much anew when he got out from under drugs and alcohol.
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samanticsJohn Cook
2/13/15 2:12pm

Now, as I survey the gulf between where David finally ended up and where I am today, I am forced to amend the lesson I took from him. Yes, if you are willing to do the work, there is time. But never as much of it as you thought.

Beautiful. Absolutely.
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Veronica CorningstoneJohn Cook
2/13/15 4:44pm
You are so talented. I am sure you know this. But you are every bit as talented as David.
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  JaneHoeVeronica Corningstone
  2/13/15 7:53pm
  Um...
  
  GIF
  
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  Veronica CorningstoneJaneHoe
  2/13/15 11:23pm
  If you feel that way, why are you reading?
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clickbaitandswitchJohn Cook
2/14/15 7:32am
You worked at City Paper? You gotta check out Yoder's anecdote on working with David if you haven't already.(Michael Miner's column in the Chicago Reader yesterday) I worked at the Reader for ages. So many Yoderisms so little time... I hold the honors for being part of the staff favorite: On my Interview with him his first question was, "What if a clone of you walked in and wanted the same job what would stop me from hiring the clone" and before I could answer the display manager yells in, Yoder! Don't scare her away...and a close second is the time he discovered pennies in a jar on a display staffer's desk and asked in all sincerity, "are these pennies for anyone"?

I just read through the City Paper's staff anecdotes. David Carr was loved and respected. What more can you ask for? People spend heaps of money on themselves for all the wrong reasons when no one will remember what kind of car you drive or what tax bracket you're in but they will remember you thought about someone else when you didn't have to and to keep it you gotta give it away.
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triciasglibJohn Cook
2/13/15 7:07pm
As a former Hell's Kitchen bartender (Siberia & Sanctuary), I've got a few David stories of my own. He was by far the most entertaining diet coke drinker I'd ever met and he and I were often the only sober people by night's end. He was an amazing man and left us far too soon.
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  clickbaitandswitchtriciasglib
  2/16/15 12:29pm
  As a sober drunk, I like hearing about bartenders enjoying diet coke embibers. Most people in recovery still like to talk story.
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The_ItAlienJohn Cook
2/13/15 1:58pm
This is a good story, thanks for sharing it. I'm also 26 and a restless newsie, I'm also somebody who aspires to be or impress someone like DCarr. It's great to get some second-hand advice from such a great man. It's also good to know that we've all been here, at some point.
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MsRobinsonJohn Cook
2/13/15 2:04pm
Thanks for writing this. I needed to hear this today.
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