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    GemmabetaHamilton Nolan
    1/28/15 5:01pm

    Two direct lines of royalty in our lineage, Hapsburgs and British.

    So you are more inbred than a Appalachian melon farmer?

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      IHateWhatYouHaveOnGemmabeta
      1/28/15 5:10pm

      Does she have the Hapsburg lip?

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      peter.lemonjelloIHateWhatYouHaveOn
      1/28/15 5:22pm

      I mean, this is what most plastic housewives look like these days anyways, isn't it? The drawn back eyes, the full pouty lips, the bamboo-shaped family tree?

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    OMG!PONIES!Hamilton Nolan
    1/28/15 5:09pm
    • I speak French badly. Even worse when I'm drunk. Which is often.
    • I only smoke organic, sun-grown marijuana from Northern California.
    • My grandfather hung out with Marlene Dietrich at USO shows during WWII.
    • I have a big vein on the right side of my cock that throbs when I get really hard.
    • My uncle once punched Ronald Reagan while he was still the Governor of California.
    • Sam Kinison once called me a raging asshole.
    • I have been banned from 7 major league baseball stadiums, including the original Comiskey Park. If you knew anything about baseball before interleague play, you would be impressed.
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      MarcabExpatOMG!PONIES!
      1/28/15 5:16pm

      True story: I speak French badly, except when I'm drunk.

      (Which is not often enough.)

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      HiMyNameIsJayAgainOMG!PONIES!
      1/28/15 5:17pm

      My vein runs down the center of my cock until it gets about halfway down and then it splits like the letter Y (except upside down). Pretty cool.

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    Kirby DilaudidHamilton Nolan
    1/28/15 4:57pm

    I got a drunken hand job from Mary Louise Parker in the early 90's.

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      RuthSlayderGinsburgKirby Dilaudid
      1/28/15 5:09pm

      I once replied to a comment made by someone who got a drunken hand job from Mary Louise Parker in the 90's...

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      sensitivebetamaleKirby Dilaudid
      1/28/15 5:09pm

      Matt Good almost hit me with a rental truck in the 00s in Montreal. I am practically Canadian royalty!

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    HiMyNameIsJayAgainHamilton Nolan
    1/28/15 5:03pm

    I am seriously understated.

    I'm so gonna use this.

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      ambitiousHiMyNameIsJayAgain
      1/28/15 5:11pm

      If you saw how understated I really am it would blow your mind. It would haunt you.

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      dothedewambitious
      1/28/15 5:29pm

      As understated as Trump is elegant.

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    dothedewHamilton Nolan
    1/28/15 5:42pm

    Full Hebrew on both sides of my lineage. My family was chased around Europe for hundreds of years, resulting in a Darwinian survival of the fittest evolution to ubermenschen, made up of the strongest, healthiest and smartest members from the family tree. Much stronger, smarter and healthier than inbred and pampered WASP douchebags. And no pants with little whales on them either.

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      Andrew Pickledothedew
      1/28/15 5:47pm

      HOW DARE YOU TALK SHIT ON VINEYARD VINES

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      dothedewAndrew Pickle
      1/28/15 6:59pm

      Make me stop princess. You and your feudal army.

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    OlieOlsenHamilton Nolan
    1/28/15 4:58pm

    Weren't the Hapsburgs super inbred? Why would you flount that?

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      ElizabethOlieOlsen
      1/28/15 5:02pm

      That was my thought. She basically should have written, "My husband's a hemophiliac and my son was born with flippers. I'm 35 and all my hair has fallen out."

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      JimEmeryOlieOlsen
      1/28/15 5:02pm

      Mostly the trashy, Iberian branch of the family. The Viennese branch didn't show the same problems, I'm sure that's the branch she's from.

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    Myrna MinkoffHamilton Nolan
    1/28/15 5:46pm

    On my patrilineal line, my great-grands were Russian nobility who had to leave after the revolution. Or they were starving peasants who seemed mysterious because they didn't speak very good English and were generally private people.

    On my matrilineal line, they were starving Irish potato farmers who came to America and became only semi-starving steel mill workers.

    As for me, I have met several celebrities and politicians including Bill Bradley and CarrotTop. I speak French and Italian approx. as well as a developmentally delayed 4 year old. My house is in one of the oldest neighborhoods in Philadelphia and borders a former execution square.

    I'm very understated though, and almost no one knows all of this about me.

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      lauramac1976Myrna Minkoff
      1/28/15 9:18pm

      Weird, I have the same thing...allegedly Russian nobility that fled during the revolution, lost everything, and started again in the US with nothing but a million children and a fundamental lack of understanding of how to farm. AND no one will talk about it.

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      Myrna Minkofflauramac1976
      1/28/15 9:40pm

      My folks never claimed to be nobility, but they did INSIST on not discussing what went down in the old country. Which eventually led to speculation.

      Chances are they just had PTSD. But it does make me wonder sometimes. I'd love to actually investigate some day.

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    MTAHamilton Nolan
    1/28/15 5:46pm

    I grew up in a town in Massachusetts where none of the streets were named after my family, because my family arrived 250 years too late. My paternal grandfather may have been a descendant of the last king of Rome, Tarquinus Superbus, who was deposed for being crazy. I once pissed Jared Leto off at a Blur concert at Roseland Ballroom in 1999.

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      KullgravMTA
      1/28/15 5:53pm

      Pissed off how?

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      MTAKullgrav
      1/28/15 6:03pm

      He was in the balcony, pawing a date, and between songs when the opening band was playing (Remy Zero), I yelled, "Hey, Catalano, where the fuck is Tino?" And it made people laugh. He got angry and stormed backstage and didn't come back out.

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    SuffersfoolsgladlyHamilton Nolan
    1/28/15 7:36pm

    My Grandfather on Dad's side taught welding at the local technical school.

    My Grandmother's father was THE town drunk in Lock Haven Pennsylvania! Stole all the stuff out of the church Sacristy and sold it for booze.

    Drove down Main Street, singing, with his arm around a black bear.

    His Grandmother was the madame of a local house of assignation.

    I am seriously understated as well.

    I fucking LOVE Urban Baby..those people in London aren't the only ones laughing all night!

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      seeyaSuffersfoolsgladly
      1/29/15 7:00am

      You could have just gone with "Irish". Your kind always has to be so wordy.

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      Suffersfoolsgladlyseeya
      1/29/15 9:59am

      Listen Boyo, I didn't get all these people reading my shit by being laconic!

      Not to mention we are Scottish and Welsch.

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    Shut Up!Hamilton Nolan
    1/28/15 5:09pm

    I would argue that an immigrant peasant, whose lineage probably goes back as far as any immigrant aristocrat's, is more valuable to society than that of the parasitic aristocracy.

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      Medieval KnievelShut Up!
      1/28/15 5:31pm

      I think everyone's lineage goes back all the way.

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      Shut Up!Medieval Knievel
      1/28/15 5:32pm

      That was kind of my point, but yeah, you're right.

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