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    IAMBlastedBiggsLostBurnerHamilton Nolan
    1/02/15 10:30am

    Oh, I'm sure this'll go splendidly. Next up, the Bridezilla-esque emails outlining, in chapter form, the requirements for those deemed worthy enough to be in the bridal parties.

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      ThePriceisWrongIAMBlastedBiggsLostBurner
      1/02/15 10:39am

      My personal favorite is going to be when she bitches endlessly about how little of a budget she has for her dress. "BUT MOMMMMMM, I WANT THE $5,000 ONE!!!"

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      IAMBlastedBiggsLostBurnerThePriceisWrong
      1/02/15 10:45am

      That's a good one! I'm also going to like the "Bridesmaids are expected to make ALL functions, and have their arrangements made for proper, approved attire and travel no less than six (6) weeks prior to any given event. NO EXCEPTIONS WILL BE MADE TO THIS POLICY, and for those of you who consider the joy of being involved in such a glorious occasion will NOT be worth the travel expenses to and from our heartwarming occasions, please complete the "Request To Be Removed From The Most Genuine And Amazing Bridal Party Of All Time Because I Am A Thoughtless Bitch" form and email it ASAP" one.

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    WizardOfDoItLandHamilton Nolan
    1/02/15 10:34am

    I like the idea of an engagement puppy. Why don't people get puppies as a sign of forever love?

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      ManchuCandidateWizardOfDoItLand
      1/02/15 10:37am

      Considering how terrible some marriages are, it can be viewed as a 'Countdown to Sorrow.'

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      GutbloomWizardOfDoItLand
      1/02/15 10:39am

      Puppies, unfortunately, are not forever.

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    Sean BrodyHamilton Nolan
    1/02/15 10:32am

    HamNo, with respect, you are missing the most wonderfully telling Freudian slip in there

    My finance can afford better. How do I bring this up without hurting his feelings?

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      AngYouDontStopSean Brody
      1/02/15 10:41am

      Was just going to post the same excerpt. That's the best part of the whole thing!

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      Sean BrodyAngYouDontStop
      1/02/15 10:43am

      I actually got giddy when I noticed it.

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    GrumpyEagleHamilton Nolan
    1/02/15 10:59am

    Aside from the whole "blood diamond" deal, the massive engagement ring-thing is an invitation to disappointment. For those who use the (ridiculous) two-months-pay guideline, you can either be realistic and go for what that amount will get you (which might be "smaller than you imagined"), or you can overspend and end up with yet another debt, paying off something that's actually kind of stupid (a mass-produced piece of jewelry from Zales or Jared? really?)

    We actually went for a locally-made piece with a smallish emerald in it. My husband didn't have to go into debt to pay it off, and it's beautiful and unique and I don't have to worry about losing a $5000 ring. And frankly, I've really only seen one or two diamond rings that really seemed worth the fuss (my friend, who "knew someone in the business" ended up with a really amazing stone that was actually pretty to look at); the rest seemed kind of ... meh. Would I want a diamond some day? Sure - but there are things in our lives I'd rather see that kind of money go toward.

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      BulletteGrumpyEagle
      1/02/15 12:03pm

      The "two months salary" thing by De Beers was marketing genius. It took engagement rings from a show-and-tell to a de facto dick measuring contest.

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      X37.9XXSGrumpyEagle
      1/02/15 1:24pm

      I went with a small Florentine design, over 150 tears old

      It was my great-grandmother's

      The price on diamonds is kept artificially high, and in 1938, the diamond cartel De Beers began a marketing campaign that would have a major impact on engagement rings. During the Great Depression of the 1930s, the price of diamonds collapsed. At the same time, market research indicated that engagement rings were going out of style with the younger generation. While the first phase of the marketing campaign consisted of market research, the advertising phase began in 1939. One of the first elements of this campaign was to educate the public about the 4 Cs (cut, carats, color, and clarity). In 1947 the slogan "a diamond is forever" was introduced. Ultimately, the De Beers campaign sought to persuade the consumer that an engagement ring is indispensable, and that a diamond is the only acceptable stone for an engagement ring.

      For more info


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    Kenhe LoginHamilton Nolan
    1/02/15 10:28am

    You got engaged to a person, not a ring. Try to remember that.

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      bluemondayKenhe Login
      1/02/15 10:30am

      Nice response comment:

      Doesn't a one-carat ring cost AT LEAST $5,000? That's what it looks like to me, based on a google search. That's a lot of money to spend on a ring!

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      Gutbloombluemonday
      1/02/15 10:33am

      But if you really cared you would spend $10,000. Wouldn't you?

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    ManchuCandidateHamilton Nolan
    1/02/15 10:32am

    I hope that's what she didn't say the first time she had sex with her fiancee.


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      Charlie ManchuCandidate
      1/02/15 10:35am

      but that is what she said the first time she had sex with her FINANCE

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      saucissonManchuCandidate
      1/02/15 10:37am

      Would you believe, I actually know someone who did that to her boyfriend the first time she had sex (or rather, attempted to)? It was in college (naturally) and when he took his drawers off she just blurted out "its smaller than I thought it would be!" just without even thinking about it. Pure id, no filter.

      He put his pants back on and walked out without saying a word. She had no idea what she'd done wrong and went weeping to her friends, and of course they all went berserk when she repeated the conversation back to them.

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    StenchofaburnerHamilton Nolan
    1/02/15 10:31am

    Ah but some of the responses make this plight even better. This "dialogue" is priceless entertainment:

    Responder 1: Depends , what's the size? I would think under a certain size you would be upset. If it is really small, you won't be happy wearing it [ REPLY | MORE ]

    Victim of too small diamond: »It is about 1 carat [ REPLY | MORE ]

    Responder 1 »Perfectly fine. [ REPLY | MORE ]

    Responder 2 »Ok , it's not that bad. I see rings that have 10 little stones made to look like one big one. Really depends on his income. Maybe you can upgrade on your anniversary? [ REPLY | MORE ]

    Responder 1 pondering the big things in life »An "upgrade" on a gift he gave her to say he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her?

    She should invite all these people to her wedding. And then Gawker should send HamNo as a correspondent, I am sure that, as readers, we will be very amused.

    ETA: Cannot help myself, this seems to be such a happy and wonderful marriage:

    My dw (dear wife) pushed hard for me to get her a very nice ring, which ultimately I did, and even offered to kick in a lot of money to get there. Neither of us had any real money at the time, and lots of student loans, so my caution around dropping 15k on a diamond wasn't irrational. Now we've got plenty of money, but her offer to contribute to the ring still pisses me off. Totally insulting and demeaning to my manhood and pride for a gesture that was supposed to be a precious representation of our love. If I ever feel guilty about letting her down in some way, I think of this and all that guilt goes bye bye fast.

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      BaldwinTheLesserStenchofaburner
      1/02/15 10:49am

      I like that the OP misspelled "fiance" as "finance" in the title. That is Freudian gold.

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      julienneStenchofaburner
      1/02/15 12:07pm

      OK, that last one - "demeaning to my manhood"? Sweet shit, where do these people come from? I must be sheltered, because I have never heard of this segment of society. I grew up kind of poor, so I must not be privy to these ethereal circles of society.

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    GutbloomHamilton Nolan
    1/02/15 10:31am

    It's been a long time since we were lead down the UrbanBaby rabbit hole. Remember, it doesn't sound shallow, it is shallow.

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      saucissonGutbloom
      1/02/15 10:35am

      Do more like a rabbit divot?

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    RobisRanting75Hamilton Nolan
    1/02/15 10:26am

    Welcome to 2015 everyone! Glad (not glad) to see nothing has changed!

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      JoshDigiRobisRanting75
      1/02/15 10:34am

      Hopefully her fiance RINGS in the new year by dumping her ass.

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    thx1139Hamilton Nolan
    1/02/15 10:33am

    I hope all of these people starve to death.

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      Turdington Jonesthx1139
      1/02/15 11:22am

      Not all of them. Some of them were actually calling this chick out and telling her to suck it up. Of course, they're still posting on urbanbaby, so yeah maybe a bit of a famine is in order...

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