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김치전!Sam Biddle
12/22/14 12:52pm

So I don't know about any of the tech or tactical side of this, but I did teach Korean ESL learners for a couple of years, and I agree with the first guy: This doesn't look to me like the English of a Korean ESL speaker.

Specifically:
The use of contractions (we've and we'll) is characteristic of someone near-fluent, too sophisticated to be dropping articles
Ordinal date — my students always hated ordinals because they're irregular (24th)
The repeated pronouns ("we" and "you" and "us") doesn't seem like how a Korean person would phrase it, because Korean pronouns are freighted with t/v distinction and honorifics that English doesn't capture. For that reason, my students circumlocuted those words when they could because they felt imprecise.

It's totally possible that the North Korean version of Korean is different enough than the South Korean that the markers would be different, though.
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  Sam Biddle김치전!
  12/22/14 1:26pm
  Interesting!
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  Inkmonkey김치전!
  12/22/14 1:27pm
  I think this is the most compelling argument against this being a North Korean hacker team... the broken English helps to lead credence to the idea of it being a foreign group, but different languages break english in specific ways. I'm still of the mind that it could be fueled by North Korea, but this is the detail that actually makes me skeptical.
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benjaminalloverSam Biddle
12/22/14 12:25pm
So the question becomes: who has a beef this big with Sony?
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  dothedewbenjaminallover
  12/22/14 12:30pm
  1. Adam Sandler
  
  2. Angelina Jolie
  
  3. Scott Rudin
  
  4. Steve Jobs
  
  5.
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  TemporarilyLivingdothedew
  12/22/14 12:31pm
  Sony stockholders.
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Kate774Sam Biddle
12/22/14 12:39pm
This whole thing has been so bizarre from the start. I'm waiting for the (figurative) bomb to drop. There's something we don't know that's being held back.

Aaaaaand...I'm getting hat head from the tin foil cap I'm sporting. I'm usually the person who gets irrationally angry at conspiracy theorists but I just can't help but feel uneasy over this.
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  macaqueKate774
  12/22/14 1:05pm
  Ever seen Black Mirror? From the start, this whole thing has vaguely reminded me of the first episode in the series. Not entirely sure why, and I have zero proof (and won't personally be finding any), but the quick-and-easy explanation doesn't sit well at all. I'm in the same boat.
  
  eta: well, I guess I know why it reminds me. See the episode if you haven't already! It's on netflix.
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  TeenaBurnerKate774
  12/22/14 1:06pm
  Yeah... I finally threw my hands up and conceded that this is my conspiracy theory, then. I do promise to only use "Wake up sheeple!" ironically, tho.
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GutbloomSam Biddle
12/22/14 12:28pm
Dear American Imperialists,

All your shale are belong to us.

— The North Korean Fracking Team
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  ratchedGutbloom
  12/22/14 12:32pm
  I got my RDA of laughs today between this and the dancing dog.
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  PattyOFurnitureGutbloom
  12/22/14 12:34pm
  Dear American Imperialists,
  
  All your Olympic medals are belong to us.
  
  - The North Korean Trackingandfield Team
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seeyaSam Biddle
12/22/14 12:20pm

GIF

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  Harvey Keitel's Detachable Dongseeya
  12/22/14 12:29pm
  I'm still not convinced that this isn't a Jimmy Kimmel viral bit.
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  seeyaHarvey Keitel's Detachable Dong
  12/22/14 12:30pm
  O_o
  
  Jimmy Kimmel? Really?
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AP BearSam Biddle
12/22/14 12:20pm
So basically a lot of smart people are saying North Koreans aren't sophisticated enough to pull off such a hack (or at least contract it out). Reminds me of a certain guy who said the Egyptians could not build the pyramids.

GIF

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  ConnertheCatAP Bear
  12/22/14 12:51pm
  I think we can all agree on those pyramids - everyone knows they were landing pads for alien spaceships; duh.
  
  Wait, this is io9 right?
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  soundandcolorAP Bear
  12/22/14 12:56pm
  Well my hunch has always been that it's a group of hackers that have decided to take down Sony for whatever reason, setup NK and most likely the DPRK and watch the ensuing shit-storm with glee.
  
  The "official" response from KJU and Co has only suggested that they know jack shit about what has been happening and they certainly didn't orchestrate it. They are simple the patsy.
  
  These attackers are fucking smart. They've known what they were doing from the start. What's sad is it's probably all going down just the way they planned it.
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erikgradSam Biddle
12/22/14 2:06pm
From reading what network engineers (which I am not) say in comments everywhere like reddit, the blogs you link, geek forums... there was 100TB of information taken, and it would take years to move that amount of data to North Korea. The only way to efficiently get that amount of data out of a network without being caught is by hard copy. Maybe we aren't giving North Korea it's due respect, but it sounds very dubious. It's more likely the US government is using this as an excuse to pressure China into shutting down North Korea's internet.
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  Soccerboberikgrad
  12/22/14 3:24pm
  Does anyone else believe that Sony did this to themselves? Bomb of a movie coming out, a whole bunch of money potentially wasted to promote it, little or no return on investment. Sony gets "hacked" and is forced to hold off on the release. Potential for insurance to cover their costs because it was not Sony's call to pull the film. Or, best case, tons of free advertising generating tons of interest in their bomb of a movie. Maybe a bit too "Wag the Dog", but I believe Sony set this up.
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  erikgradSoccerbob
  12/22/14 4:38pm
  They would not have threatened to blow up movie theaters. Looking at return on investment percentage, these Rogen written movies excel beyond the other Sony films already, regardless of whether they are any good, so no need for viral marketing. The only reason I know about the ROI is the information disseminated from the hack (as long as that information is correct). The budgets on his movie are smaller than others.
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PattyOFurnitureSam Biddle
12/22/14 12:19pm
Hi again, North Korean Hacking Team here. Just wanted to check in, and make sure you're fucking yourself. Talk soon.

Sincerely,

North Korean Hacking Team
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  Dogs and Cats Living TogetherPattyOFurniture
  12/22/14 12:42pm
  Fucking ourselves as per your instructions. Thanks for touching base.
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citteSam Biddle
12/22/14 12:27pm
Instead of wasting so much time on this, why don't you ever comment on the missing IRS e-mails, or the massive threat of ISIS everyone is ignoring, or the non-existent Obamacare, or the unconstitutional amnesty bringing in millions of illegal immigrants and long-eradicated infectious diseases to our already over-crowded schools, or any number of things that have real importance in our lives?
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  Orlandu7citte
  12/22/14 12:45pm
  Obamacare is non-existent?! You're right, that *is* breaking news.
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sui_generisSam Biddle
12/22/14 1:15pm
As someone who's been saying these exact things in my comments at every stage to little agreement, I can only add,

"Well duh".
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  toothpetardsui_generis
  12/22/14 5:31pm
  Still though, they couldn't have framed a nicer crew. Two birds?
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  sui_generistoothpetard
  12/22/14 6:02pm
  Yeah, that's why I'm not too broken up about it. It's just interesting to see it all play out. We'll probably never know...
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