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    Paleo SpeedwagonMark Shrayber
    12/11/14 4:34pm

    WARNING. PENDING COMMENTS INCLUDES MUTILATED CAT PHOTOS

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      JiubreynPaleo Speedwagon
      12/11/14 4:37pm

      Addendum: FLAG THOSE COMMENTS FOLKS!

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      College GranddadPaleo Speedwagon
      12/11/14 4:37pm

      Also, FLAG THAT SHIT

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    EldritchMark Shrayber
    12/11/14 4:43pm

    There seems to be a massive uptick in people stealing packages lately. My sister had a box stolen from her front steps last week. The police came around and said a trio of ELEVEN year old kids had gone around the apartment complex and stolen more than twenty packages.

    Since my father is a retired busy body who has a canine-like ability to hear the UPS truck, our neighbors have started to ask if they can ship boxes to our house because he's home to sign for them. He fucking loves playing post master.

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      Still-Celia is NeverfuckingvotingforhillsxoEldritch
      12/11/14 4:57pm

      There is no waaay that's happening on my street. At last zero privacy has a reward.

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      MeauxFauxEldritch
      12/11/14 5:05pm

      Some people cannot accept parcels at work. I used to be one of those unlucky people. Since I work at home and know my postal carrier and UPS drivers schedules, it's thankfully not a problem for me. But I am reluctant to accept packages for others because a college acquaintance accepted a FedEx delivery for a neighbor and was arrested for a felony drug charge as the package contained more than a pound of cocaine.

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    JujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes hereMark Shrayber
    12/11/14 4:41pm

    Ugh. They greys aren't grey enough. Can we go to blackout from here on in?

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      BuddahbeanRatherEnjoysTheStealthGraysJujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes here
      12/11/14 5:02pm

      I would think having to screen and weed out animal abuse graphic photos often may be an unreasonable, psychologically hazardous work condition. This method on Gawker Media sucks for everyone. Yeah, I'm a dingbat burner who forgets and loses my code too often (having to start over with a new burner when I clear my cache—this is the longest I've had one account) and posts videos and gifs, but I gladly give up the privilege if it means that worthless excuses of humans can't use this site as their playground.

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      ErsoJujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes here
      12/11/14 5:03pm

      Some of us are nice. Or at least not psychopaths.

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    SuffersfoolsgladlyMark Shrayber
    12/11/14 4:33pm

    Wait..they baked the feces? Why? Isn't this a rather masochistic culinary exercise? And wouldn't said feces be more offensive in it's natural, fragrant state? I have so many questions!

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      Tequila MockingbirdSuffersfoolsgladly
      12/11/14 5:05pm

      Plain poop will do just fine, thanks!

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      DropjawSuffersfoolsgladly
      12/11/14 5:07pm

      They didn't bake it, that was just a word used in this article. ***this happened in my hood, I'm not fact checking dog poop stories all willy nilly here

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    sfhowellMark Shrayber
    12/11/14 4:34pm

    At the risk of victim-blaming, maybe don't have shit delivered to your home address if you're not going to be there? That's what workplaces are for, yo. And also fuck that guy and the dog poop-covered (probably stolen) horse he rode in on.

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      Jiubreynsfhowell
      12/11/14 4:39pm

      It's fine to have stuff delivered to your house if you're not home, but if you're the victim of package theft and continue to have stuff delivered to your door risking having it stolen then that's the OP's fault. (I take full responsibility for blaming the victim in that instance.)

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      MartaMartaJiubreyn
      12/11/14 4:43pm

      Well, where else am I supposed to have it shipped to?

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    La.M.Mark Shrayber
    12/11/14 4:46pm

    I think human shit is way grosser. I would have done human shit. Lots of it.

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      nerdybirdyLa.M.
      12/11/14 4:51pm

      Taco Tuesday suddenly has a purpose.

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      VinLa.M.
      12/11/14 5:08pm

      Include the toilet tissue after you clean up.

      It's like biodegradable popcorn Styrofoam.

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    Wednesday Addams' Dance MovesMark Shrayber
    12/11/14 5:08pm

    In university, my floor had a problem with beer thievery from the common room fridge. One guy decided to handle it by peeing into a beer bottle and screwing the cap back on.

    We did not have any more problems.

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      mazzieDWednesday Addams' Dance Moves
      12/11/14 5:11pm

      there was a bit of that at my college too. I suggested to a friend of mine that she label her booze "POISON!!" Everyone thought it was really funny and it started a trend of everyone claiming their alcohol was poisonous (which, technically, it is). We were nerds.

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      Princess SarcasmWednesday Addams' Dance Moves
      12/11/14 5:26pm

      Crazy girls in my dorm stole my Mossimo and Abercrombie jeans, AND my Victoria's Secret panties from the laundry room. I get stealing my jeans, they were the height of late 90s style, but my PANTIES??? Ewww!

      I will say, however, that a couple of girls I did not like kept a very well stocked mini fridge in their room, and had a tendency to never lock their door. After a night of booze and bongs, this came in handy. Yummy cheese and cold cuts!!!

      And no, I am not sorry. Maybe slightly ashamed, but lock yer dang door!!!

      PS... Mark, how can I get outta the grays??? I'm not a psycho crazy lady, I swear!!

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    Tequila MockingbirdMark Shrayber
    12/11/14 5:04pm

    Year after year, the police in my area attempt to do sting operations where they leave a car trunk ajar with piles of presents inside. No one ever steals them. They either close the trunk or report it to security. It warms my heart, even though I think the police should find something better to do with their time.

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      The GaysianMark Shrayber
      12/11/14 4:41pm

      @That dick make her walk craaazy

      Is posting graphic pictures in the comments. Do not ungrey this user.

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        kismetThe Gaysian
        12/11/14 5:40pm

        I couldn't be a writer on this site, it'd be too traumatizing. You have my thanks Mark.

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      VinMark Shrayber
      12/11/14 4:52pm

      I wonder when Amazon will start including small GPS trackers in all of their shipments (charge like $2.50 or something if the recipient doesn't mail it back).

      The tech isn't particularly pricey.

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        sfhowellVin
        12/11/14 5:23pm

        Gold star. For real.

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