Kinja reply list

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KittensAndUnicorns_v2_The UprisingKelly Conaboy
11/26/14 12:55pm
you can't reason with people who don't use reason to begin with. what's the point?

it's similar to when my family ask me if i believe jesus christ died on the cross to forgive my sins. my answer is always " YES/YUP" bc it shuts them up pretty quickly.
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  FridayFridayKittensAndUnicorns_v2_The Uprising
  11/26/14 1:09pm
  Other good responses:
  
  Uh-huh *digs back into mashed potatoes*
  Sure thing, Grandma! *pours another glass of wine*
  Where did those kids get to? *exits room*
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  Jerry-NetherlandKittensAndUnicorns_v2_The Uprising
  11/26/14 1:12pm
  You hit the nail on the head. I decided years ago that I'd rather not raise my blood pressure over others' opinions I can not and will never change (nor will they change mine). So I always have some quill about movies or TV in my quiver, just in case the subject needs urgent changing.
  
  A story: several years ago, my mother began the dinner by asking everyone to announce what they were thankful for. I was having an exceptionally bad year (my best friend was dying), and so I said,"I need to think about it."
  
  Around dessert & coffee, two family members who are especially affluent got into a mutual rage about "government regulation" and "onerous tax codes"; how their tax returns were 75 pages, etc. At this moment I realized what I was grateful for, sprung out of my seat and declared, "I just realized how thankful I am to be so broke that I'm not burdened by those onerous tax codes! My return is one page!"
  
  That shut them up.
  
  There's a reason these things are better discussed on Gawker!
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A House In VirginiaKelly Conaboy
11/26/14 12:52pm
LOVE THIS.
This year I've demanded permission to just get up and leave the room if family is pissing me off.
Wish me luck...
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  KittensAndUnicorns_v2_The UprisingA House In Virginia
  11/26/14 12:56pm
  isn't it weird that you still have to demand permission? i'm assuming you're over 18. (I'd probably never even ask i'm too scared)
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  A House In VirginiaKittensAndUnicorns_v2_The Uprising
  11/26/14 12:59pm
  I'm at a point where it might be easier to just skip the family, but we're all local so it doesn't exactly work out that way.
  I'm thinking: bring pot.
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BigPlopsKelly Conaboy
11/26/14 12:47pm
What are these terrible families we're all supposed to come from?
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  Professor ScribblesBigPlops
  11/26/14 12:53pm
  Don't worry, this tired cliche will go away once the Baby Boomers start dropping like flies.
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  Cam/ronBigPlops
  11/26/14 12:56pm
  I'm also mystified by how there is apparently an abundance of American families who must turn every holiday dinner into CNN Crossfire.
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UncleCCClaudiusKelly Conaboy
11/26/14 1:18pm
This isn't a popular opinion, but these people you tangle with at these family things are completely disposable. They're your relatives, not the people you choose to socialize with and love. They are literally other people's kids, parents and siblings. If you don't like them, cut them off.

I gave up trying to get along with my extended family and after five years of absenting myself from their lives I've never been happier.
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  thiazin redUncleCCClaudius
  11/26/14 1:50pm
  Yeah, I don't get the whole "I totally hate going to visit for the holidays, and despise my relatives, but do it every time" mentality. You're a god damned grown up, act like it!
  
  Hate your family? Don't go! Just pick up the phone and say you aren't going. I promise, the world keeps turning.
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  Dan And MorothyUncleCCClaudius
  11/26/14 2:00pm
  Exactly. I don't understand people who don't surround themselves with actual loved ones on holidays. I almost never go home for holidays. I'd much rather spend it with people I enjoy being with rather than biting my tongue the whole time I'm home. Life's too short!
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BKelly Conaboy
11/26/14 12:48pm
Or you can do what I do: have a family filled with rational, reasonable people you enjoy being around.
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  twotimeuseB
  11/26/14 12:51pm
  I keep kicking myself for not choosing a less dysfunctional family.
  
  Oh, wait...
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  GemmabetaB
  11/26/14 12:51pm
  So, dining alone?
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Quint the GreyerKelly Conaboy
11/26/14 12:58pm
My wife is out right now buying a single very strong beer for her father. He'll only have one so we make sure it counts. Once he's a little tipsy he seems to really mellow out and forget about Nobama (it's the only way he ever says the name). He's actually a nice guy once he forgets about politics for a minute.
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  Place is dead anyway, manQuint the Greyer
  11/26/14 1:13pm
  Cheap date, that guy.
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  MadScienceTeacherQuint the Greyer
  11/26/14 1:26pm
  My mom is such a lightweight and doesn't really like to drink, but she's soooo much nicer when she's tipsy. Solution: Irish cream in her coffee. It doesn't seem like alcohol to her, and we can get her first thing in the morning. Holidays have been so much less stressful since we learned that trick.
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Ding-DangBlogKelly Conaboy
11/26/14 12:51pm
"Uncle Larry, I just wanted you to know that guns are a scourge on our society, nobody gives a shit about Beghazi, and your wife is sleeping with a black person.

Also, Obamacare."

*mic drops a turkey leg
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ThePriceisWrongKelly Conaboy
11/26/14 12:52pm
According to Gawker I should just up the nutmeg in my pumpkin pie recipe then I can listen to aunt Ruth talk about magical ponies instead of Bill Cosby.
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GutbloomKelly Conaboy
11/26/14 12:59pm
Can't find a proper video, but here is a link to the SNL "Thanksgivies" awards.

https://screen.yahoo.com/thanksgivies-0…
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Dave Kelly Conaboy
11/26/14 1:08pm
YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I'M A GROWN UP NOW KELLY! I HATE YOU ALL!
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