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    Caity WeaverCaity Weaver
    11/26/14 12:12pm

    I just sewed up our Thanksgiving turkey for my grandmother, who was having trouble getting the needle through the skin. (Turkey will be delicious; Nana is perfect cook.) Is it normal to sew up a turkey on Thanksgiving or has the technology progressed since my grandmother mastered it 60 years ago?

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      UncleCCClaudiusCaity Weaver
      11/26/14 12:15pm

      Are you eating this turkey today? Otherwise your Grandmother is trying to kill you. Once stuffing is in the bird it's a ticking time bomb of bacteria.

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      benjaminalloverCaity Weaver
      11/26/14 12:18pm

      We spatchcock our birds. It cooks more evenly, and faster. The stuffing just gets tucked into the roasting pan.

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    Kate774Caity Weaver
    11/26/14 12:18pm

    My grandparents are all dead and I know two of them who would tell me not to be a little bitch about their passing and get on with life.

    As far as food on Thanksgiving, we have a traditional onion casserole that's made with loads of cheese, butter, milk and table water crackers (really) that was passed down from my English great-grandmother. It looks like vomit (like most casseroles) but tastes delicious. I've taken over the job of making it for the past 10 years and I make it awesome.

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      LazyJKate774
      11/26/14 12:39pm

      This post is useless without the recipe! I am intrigued by your description.

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      Miss-PrissKate774
      11/26/14 12:45pm

      I kind of want your recipe, even if I do have to eat it blindfolded.

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    Caity WeaverCaity Weaver
    11/26/14 12:05pm

    Note to everyone whose grandparents are DEAD so THANKS for that REMINDER: This is a great joke! Keep making it. They're laughing in heaven at their funny, funny grandchild.

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      realnashvilleCaity Weaver
      11/26/14 12:07pm

      keep laughing Nana, we mis you

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      Superbeltrealnashville
      11/26/14 12:11pm

      Never forget. And, it's Nanna.

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    Bones of a HareCaity Weaver
    11/26/14 12:11pm

    Meat.

    I'm vegetarian.

    She is of the idea that turkey isn't meat (only cows and pigs are meat), therefore don't give me lip young lady, do you want to ruin Christmas for nana?

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      Kate774Bones of a Hare
      11/26/14 12:25pm

      I'm vegetarian (pescatarian, actually) and instead of having fish I'm making zucchini pancakes for my main dish. I'll still partake in the side dishes.

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      Quint the GreyerBones of a Hare
      11/26/14 12:27pm

      My nan used to think me being vegi meant I only got half portions of turkey.

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    ennui is boringCaity Weaver
    11/26/14 12:08pm

    Well, not my grandma because she's dead, but at my friend's house (who is older) she will make as she does every fucking year - disgusting mashed sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top and about a ton of sugar dumped into the potatoes and it is gross. She will also make the infamous green bean casserole thing with cream of something soup and French's Onions, only she'll use canned asparagus instead of beans making it more "elegant" and even more disgusting than when done with the beans. I love her very much but she can't cook a lick and refuses to let people bring anything other than wine or flowers.

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      DodgerBruinennui is boring
      11/26/14 12:21pm

      Oh Christ, that sounds like my in-laws. I would ask, but I'm assuming you live in the South?

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      ennui is boringDodgerBruin
      11/26/14 12:24pm

      NYC my friend, NYC. And she was born and raised here.

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    whitbitCaity Weaver
    11/26/14 12:33pm

    Something she calls Black Cherry Jello. It's made from Black Cherry flavor Jello (obviously), mixed with canned cherries, cool whip, cream cheese, pecans, and some other stuff. It doesn't taste good, but it literally looks like vomit. Purple/brown with white chunks in it, plus the added chunkiness of cherries and nuts. Bleh.

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      Caity Weaverwhitbit
      11/26/14 12:39pm

      My Nana made HOT PINK jello salad last night. The hot pink part was delicious. I ate around the fruit that had been inserted into it. I have never seen jello this color except at my Nana's house.

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      bunnypoopooCaity Weaver
      11/26/14 12:47pm

      YES. This sounds like my grandmother's "sugar salad." It's cherry jello, cool whip, and mini marshmallows. It's pepto bismol pink.

      Midwesterners really need to reevaluate what they call "salads."

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    therealquash ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗCaity Weaver
    11/26/14 12:04pm

    My grandmother only makes delicious, delicious things.*

    *She actually no longer cooks because: old, but we recreate her recipes. I feel bad for you sad saps with terrible cooks for grandmothers. I will be over here helping myself to third helpings of her recipes.

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      VtDkDudetherealquash ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ
      11/26/14 12:58pm

      My grandmothers were either good, creative or unknown. My step grandmother made amazing baked beans. My creative grandmother made interesting things...the last Thanksgiving she was alive for she roasted a baby pig. It wasn't fully cooked. I ate something else. My paternal grandmother lived far enough away I never really saw her while she was alive.

      My remaining grandparent, my Gramps, makes killer apple pies! Unfortunately, I found out what made them so awesome - lard. Now, this stupid for being nosey vegetarian can no longer eat the awesome.

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      mrsckugstherealquash ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ
      11/26/14 1:07pm

      What is your gramma's best recipe?

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    stacyinbeanCaity Weaver
    11/26/14 12:34pm

    My grandmother isn't dead, but she's half way across the country. She's the only nice grandma of the four I had (2 real, 2 step) and that is why she is still alive. However, she cooks the blandest, most tasteless food on earth so I'm not that sad about missing her cooking. She makes a mean apple pie though, I'm hoping mine will be just as good. I also got a fancy-ass local turkey, that bitch better be delicious.

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      SlickWilliestacyinbean
      11/26/14 5:09pm

      brine the shit out of that turkey. Local birds need like 24 hrs in a brine. Otherwise you'll be having tendons for thanksgiving

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      stacyinbeanSlickWillie
      11/26/14 7:03pm

      He's brining as we speak! Twenty one pounds of turkey glory!

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    benjaminalloverCaity Weaver
    11/26/14 12:05pm

    Turkey and grapes is pretty gross, for starters.

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      Caity Weaverbenjaminallover
      11/26/14 12:09pm

      This grandma only made enough food for herself and she's flaunting it!

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      benjaminalloverCaity Weaver
      11/26/14 12:11pm

      No thanks, you can keep it, Grams.

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    Sleep With the FishiesCaity Weaver
    11/26/14 12:52pm

    What my body thinks is deadly poison. Seriously, every year at Thanksgiving we have this conversation.

    "The stuffing looks delicious. ... Are there apples in it?"
    "Why, yes, they give it a nice little extra sweetness."
    "Aww, too bad. I'm allergic to apples."
    "Really? You never told me that! I wouldn't have put in the apple!"

    Every. Year. Given how many times that woman has tried to put me in anaphylactic shock at her table, I can only assume that this is some scheme to kill off all her descendants so she outlives us all.

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      ad infinitumSleep With the Fishies
      11/26/14 1:08pm

      Tell your grandmother about dried cranberries! A nice little extra sweetness in stuffing that will not kill you.

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      MajesticSeaFlapFlapSleep With the Fishies
      11/26/14 1:31pm

      Food allergies are the worst, especially when it is to foods most people don't think of as causing allergic reactions. I am allergic to citrus which goes into practically everything. :|

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