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    GutbloomDayna Evans
    11/09/14 10:00am

    What??? We waited from 5:00 PM last night until 9:30 this morning and all we get for our patience is a story about a mugging??? There has to be a monkey in here somewhere. Where are the aliens? Not even any methamphetamine? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????!!!!!

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      VectoriousGutbloom
      11/09/14 10:06am

      Go feast your eyes upon the brand new stabbing/turtle story! Not aliens or monkeys, but I'll take it!

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      GutbloomVectorious
      11/09/14 10:07am

      I know, I spoke too soon. Mmmmmmm...Florida-turtle goodness. I'm sorry, Gawker, but Jonesers gotta Jones.

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    Kenhe LoginDayna Evans
    11/09/14 10:01am

    The 88 year old man who is almost certainly not Kenny Rogers.

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      GutbloomKenhe Login
      11/09/14 10:09am

      Beautiful.

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    Hip Brooklyn StereotypeDayna Evans
    11/09/14 10:26am

    My business acumen is far from flawless, but this thief really needs to consider ROI in his future muggings.

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      It was a Mud Shark, not a Red SnapperHip Brooklyn Stereotype
      11/09/14 3:50pm

      I'm no Donald Trump, but I'd say the business case is pretty sound.

      He mitigated nearly all risk by targeting an 88-year old man instead of someone who could fight back. This meant he didn't need a gun, keeping overhead low. Being the only mugger, he limited labor expenses and administrative costs. He spent only 90 minutes to earn $1K in revenue, which comes out to approx $667/hr (who do you know that earns that much?). He was also smart enough to negotiate collection terms of 0 days. Overall, I'd say he returned significant value to his shareholder.

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    AudibleDefectDayna Evans
    11/09/14 10:37am

    I once won $4000 on a slot machine.... It's was a very shady casino in a very shady area in a shady city.... I was actually on a camping trip to the mountains and was planning on spending the night in the camper in a Walmart parking lot....

    Not wanting to have $4000 in cash on me I forced, after they said the couldn't several times, to have the casino issue me a cheque.... Problem solved....

    It amazes me how many people count their cash before leaving the casino I regulary visit... I once saw a 22 year old count out about $42,000.00 (he was playing on the $100 bj table) before walking out alone.... To this day I'm l amazed he never got jumped...

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      Motorized Mega-SatanAudibleDefect
      11/09/14 11:51am

      Took me a minute to realize you meant "blackjack" and not something else. At least, I hope that's what you meant.

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    LordBurleighDayna Evans
    11/09/14 11:16am

    "Ozone Park, Queens"

    Oh COME on.

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      mcdjDayna Evans
      11/09/14 10:32am

      Bail was set at $1001.

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        Malacoda, Recumbent on the Burning Sand.Dayna Evans
        11/09/14 9:45am

        So wait, hard work and perseverance do not pay off? Hillman should've clobbered the old guy while he was still counting his winnings? Gambling is the path to riches?

        This story reads like a zen parable written by Moloch.

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          brickdustDayna Evans
          11/09/14 10:16am

          I got lucky at a casino in the caribbean, and won about $3,000. Was pretty sure I was going to get robbed and/or murdered on my way home afterwards. It was the most terrified I'd ever been. Made it home unscathed.

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            IamGigiDayna Evans
            11/09/14 9:46am

            This is news? This happens ALL THE TIME. (Thank God hes alive & can go back to Ozone Park)

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              PattyOFurnitureDayna Evans
              11/09/14 9:38am

              Also greedy for cash - the old man traveling for 90 minutes just to get to Ozone Park.

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