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    IinventedPostItsErin Gloria Ryan
    10/27/14 2:25pm

    Also, fuck this guy for trying to claim this as BDSM. BDSM is all about consent and comfort of your partner. You never punch someone in the face as soon as they walk in the door without prior consent or discussion (I am not saying this as a joke). I'm so sick of people claiming unwanted violence as sexual kink. Fuck off. That's not how it works. The BDSM community are some of the most caring, conscientious people I have ever met. And the do not get off on harming people unwantedly.

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      QuanYinIinventedPostIts
      10/27/14 2:38pm

      Yes! thank you. I was trying to say something similar, but I got all mad and inarticulate.

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      BurnistouneIinventedPostIts
      10/27/14 2:44pm

      That he'd suggest proof it was all consensual could be found in texts or emails – as if consent can't be withdrawn – is ridiculous.

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    Puddingtaine2Erin Gloria Ryan
    10/27/14 2:26pm

    Is it really bragging when a 47-year-old man admits to dating a 20-something girl? Because it just strikes me as weak and pathetic. There's a reason abusers don't go after a fully-fledged adult woman who will tell them to step off. They can't handle being challenged by a person of self-possession and power.

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      LadyGrinningSoulPuddingtaine2
      10/27/14 2:38pm

      These women were fans, too. I'm guessing he chose them for a reason (he thought they'd go along with it and keep their traps shut.)

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      ZokajoPuddingtaine2
      10/27/14 3:22pm

      I agree with you, but women in their 20s are still women (not girls) and also fully-fledged adults. In a different phase of their lives. It sounded pathetic to me, too. But they are adult women who deserve respect, not to be referred to like this.

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    nullErin Gloria Ryan
    10/27/14 2:15pm

    Oh well if Amanda Palmer is on his side, surely he must be in the right.

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      AggroPhobianull
      10/27/14 2:30pm

      I don't know why I'm always slightly surprised to learn about yet another awful aspect of Amanda Palmer's personality. Maybe I'm surprised because I keep thinking she can't get any worse, and then she does.

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      ChidiUnull
      10/27/14 2:32pm

      After that Boston bomber poem I didn't think I could like her less, but here we are.

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    kiisseliErin Gloria Ryan
    10/27/14 2:35pm

    I just want to restate here what I've been saying on FB (my feed's blowing up, being a good feminist lady aged 20-45 in Canada):

    These are charges of physical violence, above and beyond sexual violence and harassment. He states in his essay that he always obtained consent sexually, but the Star piece never accuses him of rape, instead describing shocking acts of punching, choking, etc. I think it's massively obfuscating the issue, and his response doesn't reflect what the actual allegations are.

    If it was purely as he says, it would be wrong for him to be fired over his personal sex life. However, a pattern of physical abuse, plus sexual harassment in the workplace is grounds for a public organization like the CBC to distance themselves*, in my opinion.

    Plus, he's a terrible interviewer and he's just generally a jerky creep. Not fireable offences, but I've been saying it for years....fuck Jian Ghomeshi.

    *edit to add: I think this is criminal and just generally un-fucking-acceptable, but so far the issue is him suing re: dismissal from the CBC, so that's why I phrased it that way.

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      AubinTheGreatestkiisseli
      10/27/14 3:16pm

      I happen to have enjoyed his interviews but otherwise I completely agree.

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      SamBargekiisseli
      10/27/14 3:24pm

      I'm assuming that the CBC had a clause in his employment contract re. bringing disrepute on the Corporation. If allegations of physical assault were about to become public, then the CBC probably released him on that basis.

      Also, I am a good feminist Canadian lady between 20 -45 who wished that Jian Ghomeshi would shut up, at least.

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    JujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes hereErin Gloria Ryan
    10/27/14 2:21pm

    They included accounts from three separate "educated and employed"

    Because if they were uneducated and unemployed their stories are somehow less credible?

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      LadyGrinningSoulJujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes here
      10/27/14 2:32pm

      This makes them the "right" kind of victims.

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      Tequila MockingbirdJujyMonkey: Clever tagline goes here
      10/27/14 2:33pm

      Yep. He probably could have gotten away with abusing women further down the socioeconomic ladder for the rest of his life with few repercussions.

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    QuanYinErin Gloria Ryan
    10/27/14 2:37pm

    Dude. I am ALL ABOUT the BDSM thing. But is HAS TO BE CONSENSUAL. Even when the role-playing involves forced acts, they are negotiated beforehand and everyone is on the same page before anything gets started. Otherwise, it's assault, battery and/or rape. WHAT is so difficult for people to understand about this?

    Grrr. It makes me screamy...

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      SarahEmCeeQuanYin
      10/27/14 2:56pm

      He does not misunderstand BDSM. He is using sex-positivity/the normalization of kink as a shield because it's so easy to get a pass when you cry "kink shaming!" He knows.

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      Marx and SparksSarahEmCee
      10/27/14 3:41pm

      YES. It is a well-used tactic among predators in the BDSM community. And it fucking sucks.

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    HermioneStrangerErin Gloria Ryan
    10/27/14 2:26pm

    You know, if I was trying to prove that I hadn't sexually assaulted someone by leaning into my consensual bdsm cred, I wouldn't use "my relationship was like a mild 50 Shades of Gray" as some sort of proof that this relationship was super-duper consensual. I would distance myself from that book so freaking hard.

    Sex Geek breaks down how Ghomeshi's claims of "mild, consensual bdsm" is really inconsistent with what is actually being accused (regular old sexual assault, not mild violence). I'm thrilled to see actual kinksters immediately taking a stand against what Ghomeshi probably did.

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      김치전!HermioneStranger
      10/27/14 2:29pm

      Is the link safeish for work?

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      JoeDuncan김치전!
      10/27/14 2:32pm

      yes

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    TommmcattErin Gloria Ryan
    10/27/14 2:16pm

    In addition to being a creep, this guy is a terrible writer. "Specter of Mud"? What?

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      kinjaatemyburnerTommmcatt
      10/27/14 2:25pm

      "She found sympathetic ears"...they were just lying on the ground, near the subway station. It was a really lucky score.

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      Emma GolddiggerTommmcatt
      10/27/14 3:22pm

      It's the ghost of the band Puddle of Mudd.

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    Emma GolddiggerErin Gloria Ryan
    10/27/14 2:52pm

    Check out this line:

    Everyone contacted would ask the same question, if I had engaged in non-consensual behavior why was the place to address this the media?

    "You guys, I so totally did not rape or assault anyone at all, but if I had, why couldn't it have been a private matter like back in the good old days?"

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      GunshineAndPainbowsEmma Golddigger
      10/27/14 4:06pm

      This! Jesus Christ, this.

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      Marx and SparksEmma Golddigger
      10/27/14 10:41pm

      UGH. I have seen SO MANY people (men) "just asking the question" about that. To which I succinctly explain the possible explanations and then mentally cross them off my "reasonable human being" list.

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    kinjaatemyburnerErin Gloria Ryan
    10/27/14 2:21pm

    Yyyyyeah...fuck Amanda Palmer. She's shown her ass a number of times in recent years and I cannot believe that people still hold her up as someone to follow. She's not.

    And "open secret" is right. It's friend-of-a-friend stuff, but many Toronto women of a certain age group know, don't trust this guy. At best, he's a slimy creeper.

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      MartinisAreLovelykinjaatemyburner
      10/27/14 4:16pm

      Is she the one married to Neil Gaiman? Because if she is, I'm a bit shocked because he seems so on point regarding human rights, etc. Unless I'm missing something about him too...?

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      kinjaatemyburnerMartinisAreLovely
      10/27/14 4:25pm

      She is, and I'm not sure what Gaiman's deal is. I've chalked it up to him having a blind spot about the woman he loves :/

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