Kinja reply list

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blackintrovertGabrielle Bluestone
10/27/14 12:47am
I believe all of it. I've been reading dozens of stories of this man's creepiness, including the XO Jane post. The man doesn't give a shit about boundaries or consent. I feel sorry that those women wouldn't file a complaint, but I understand. Many people are unkind to say the least to victims of sexual harassment and assault, even when there's physical proof that something happened, and people have the audacity to criticize people for not reporting their abuse right away. Also, is it just me, or did anyone else get the feeling that he was bragging about his BDSM lifestyle in his post? I felt like he told us more than he needed to, but because he's such a narcissistic creepy fuck, he HAD to tell us that his sex life is adventurous, weird, exciting, blah, blah, blah.
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  dazedNamusedblackintrovert
  10/27/14 12:50am
  With what these women are claiming, it seems more to me that he's trying to get out in front of it by saying "I don't rape women. I just like it rough." What a douche.
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  Mehitabelblackintrovert
  10/27/14 1:23am
  If the Toronto Star story is 100% true and he did beat the shit out of one/all of them, then sorry but I don't understand why they wouldn't go to the police to file a police report afterwards. (And note filing a police report is not the same as pressing charges)
  
  If you're getting choked and beaten about the head, how the hell do you even explain that to your co-workers and deny that you were assaulted? Those acts leave marks and bruises.
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MsMulderGabrielle Bluestone
10/27/14 12:40am
Star described the three women alleging violence from Jian as "educated and employed." This whole situation is gnarly but that sentence makes me so incredibly sad
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  JiminyCricketMsMulder
  10/27/14 12:43am
  Was that a weird euphemism for "not hookers"?
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  AdamJohnsonNYCMsMulder
  10/27/14 12:45am
  It's pretty terrible. Up there with "college-bound (black) kid" as if it matters.
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spacejam2000Gabrielle Bluestone
10/27/14 12:51am
So The Star is basically saying that if he'd kept his mouth shut they wouldn't have published? I wonder how soon we'll hear he fired his crisis management PR firm.
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  Jinxespacejam2000
  10/27/14 1:16am
  There is NO way the PR firm signed off on that facebook post. No way. Way too many details.
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  Ughspacejam2000
  10/27/14 1:55am
  The Star might have spiked it at one point but once he was fired over these accusations, there was no way they were going to remain hidden forever. I think the PR firm did a great job here, actually.
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bruunoGabrielle Bluestone
10/27/14 12:39am
I have never heard of this guy. Could someone give me some detail as to what his show(s) are about? What his public persona is, etc? All I really got when googling is the bare minimum description.
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  JiminyCricketbruuno
  10/27/14 12:43am
  Agreed - I realize Gawker is a media blog of sorts, but it seems weird to assume that would have any idea who this guy is.
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  verapsbruuno
  10/27/14 12:58am
  I think it's weird that they assume I know who Blake Lively is.
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ManyofusGabrielle Bluestone
10/27/14 5:12am
I know it's true. Because I experienced nearly an identical situation — from when he sought me out on Facebook after meeting at an event to the times when he would grab my neck and choke me, slap me, call me a slut or chant f*ck you under his breath at me during sex.

The first time, I was shocked. There had been no discussion of safe words, no indication of what was to come, and it was so surprising that I couldn't process it. It was not consensual. The next time, I asked him not to call me a slut. He shamed me, telling me it was just part of role play, fantasy, bedroom talk. He made me feel embarrassed and inexperienced for objecting. No didn't mean no. Looking back, do these feelings embarrass me, do I wish I had stood up for myself? Yes. But the power imbalance, the absurdity of the situation clouded my judgment.

Why did I continue to date him? I'm not sure, then or now. Part of it was an unwillingness to believe that this was the 'real' him. This was so different than the man who could also be funny, charming, intellectual and sweet. But there are two faces, almost literally. And he switches effortlessly between his predatory and public face.

Why didn't I report it? Because when I came to my senses and had had enough, it just didn't feel worth it. And what would I say, I had no "proof", although I did leave with bruises or scratches. The career and personal implications seemed drastic. It just felt easier to get away. I felt like a silly girl who got in over her head.

I also realized too late that his tendencies were well known in my circles – and I felt ashamed to admit that I had fallen for it. I was mad, and embarrassed with myself. I didn't want to be associated with him at all, I wanted to put it behind me and move on. And now I'm feeling ashamed all over again for being silent and not speaking out. Because obviously it was a pattern that didn't begin or end with me.

I am not a jealous or vindictive ex. I am just someone who wanted to get away, wanted to put it behind me, and was hoping that the last time I saw him would be the last time I'd have to think about it.

Today has been a difficult day. I've been approached by friends wanting the inside scoop, my mother who is concerned this happened to me, and I can't seem to stay away from the online chatter judging, supporting, commenting on a painful episode that I had hoped to keep buried in the past.
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  northbxManyofus
  10/27/14 6:58am
  Please consider speaking with a trained sexual assault counselor. It might make it easier to move on. You also might consider contacting whichever law enforcement agency is investigating this creep. I know you feel like you don't have proof and that you were complicit in what he did to you, but you're not, and another voice in the chorus is like more water through the hole in the dike. But you don't have to speak up if you don't want to — believe me, I 100% understand the reasons for not going to any authorities with this — and that's okay too. Either way, consider a convo with a professional to help work through what happened.
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  Puddingtaine2Manyofus
  10/27/14 8:00am
  I second the advice that you speak up now. It might give you some power back and make you feel better.
  
  Completely understand you not speaking up earlier. There's a reason he dates girls 20 years younger. A power imbalance is silencing.
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googullsucksGabrielle Bluestone
10/27/14 6:30am
I'm just amazed at the tonal difference between Gawker and HuffPo, since I consider both to be lefty libby points of view. Here of Gawker it's mostly posts proclaiming this guy a douche (which I agree with). On HuffPo there calling this a horrendous blow to Canadian culture. They make him out to be a cultural icon. There's even people claiming he's been fired on the orders of Prime Minister Harper. Bizarre.
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  EvanrudeJohnsongoogullsucks
  10/27/14 8:30am
  I read the responses on fark, and they are a bit of both of these. A few knobs who think the CBC is a bunch of prudes ( of course ignoring the lack of consent and the charges of harassment), but then like here, there were people who had dealings with this turd. The stories were overwhelmingly negative.
  
  I have run across dudes like this guy, but on a much lower level. Always talking about mentoring women and getting them in the door. Talking the talk about women's rights and so on, but he only seems to mentor the women he thinks are hot, and surprise of all surprises, the only place he can meet them to discuss non-existant job offerings is his home.
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  2016googullsucks
  10/27/14 11:03am
  He's definitely not an icon. I'm Canadian and never heard of this guy before. Major icons are Celine Dion, Cirque du Soleil, etc. He had his niche, but I'm pretty sure most people would hear his name and go "who"?
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TheDataGabrielle Bluestone
10/27/14 1:45am
My safe word with my lady is "spaghetti."

What's your safe word with your partner?

It's important!
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  TrouvéeTheData
  10/27/14 1:53am
  Dude that is my safe word with my boyfriend and I just read all your comments to make sure you weren't him. I don't think you are but you still could be.
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  TheDataTrouvée
  10/27/14 2:02am
  Nah man. My lady is a lady who doesn't read Gawker. But be safe and have fun, kindred spirit!
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BlacktrainGabrielle Bluestone
10/27/14 12:49am
Safe words are important kids.
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  TheDataBlacktrain
  10/27/14 1:44am
  Mine with my lady is "spaghetti."
  
  I've actually gotta talk to her about it. It's really killing my buzz.
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  fernetbroncoBlacktrain
  10/27/14 1:51am
  
  Popcorn!
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jezziebezzieGabrielle Bluestone
10/27/14 6:07am
This was the top rated show for the CBC & a month ago expanded into 100+ US Markets. CBC would not have fired him without cause. The idea that he leapt onto Facebook as fast as he could to put his version of a story out before anyone even asked is just too fishy.

Something stinks in suburbia.

He made sure to deliberately have text convos with the women to set things up for consensual kink. Then he could get away with more than that & fall back on texts to say they were complicit. Women were afraid to go to the police 'cause they thought they wouldn't be believed. They were afraid to come forward & be named because of how hard Carla Ciccone was trolled for her story, which didn't even name him.

And on that front they were probably right. There are THIRTY THOUSAND comments on his Facebook note. And almost every one of them are blindly supportive of him.

Obviously none have read this. 'Cause how do you read this & still offer a full message of support without needing more facts than his say so?

"In one woman's case, she visited Ghomeshi at his Toronto home and alleges as soon as she walked into his house he suddenly struck her hard with his open hand, then continued to hit her and choked her. The woman alleges Ghomeshi repeatedly beat her about the head and choked her."

Dear God, celebrities are NOT special.
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  Frances Maryjezziebezzie
  10/27/14 9:28am
  He leapt to facebook as fast as he could after consulting his lawyer and a PR firm. That whole fb post reads like a "how to discredit rape victims" step by step guide.
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  Natasha_from_Montrealjezziebezzie
  10/28/14 12:21am
  Carla`s story invites such a reaction, because telling the audience how disgusting and creepy he was, running out of the concert and then still getting into the car with him makes zero sense to me, personally. If I smell smoke, I won't be going towards the forest fire, but away.
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LordBurleighGabrielle Bluestone
10/27/14 7:19am
This would certainly explain Neko Case's affect when she was on Q a few years ago.
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  amityinloveLordBurleigh
  10/27/14 12:03pm
  Elaborate? I'm curious - love Neko.
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  LordBurleighamityinlove
  10/27/14 3:05pm
  She looks to me like she's kind of incredulous of his interview style:
  
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