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    Thunder-LipsHamilton Nolan
    10/21/14 12:48pm

    I was a bit skeptical at first and then I remembered one man who embodies this:

    Adam Levine.

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      RecentlyNewlyRedundantThunder-Lips
      10/21/14 12:57pm

      This is exactly who I thought of! Adam Levine: the man of your hate-sex dreams.

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      Thunder-LipsRecentlyNewlyRedundant
      10/21/14 1:01pm

      He is more the guy that goes to my girls yoga studio, bangs somebody else's girl, and then acts all, "She came onto me BRO!". I wonder how often this scenario actually has happened.

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    Arctic16Hamilton Nolan
    10/21/14 12:51pm

    Goddamn it, HamNo. I have permanent stubble. I don't work hard at it, I just hate shaving and my beard trimmer shaves it down to short stubble when used. So every few days, I buzz my beard down to stubble and start over.

    I spent 2.5 minutes trimming my facial hair ever few days. If anything, it's all the suckers shaving every day that are the fools wasting time carefully cultivating their look.

    Don't knock me because I'm lazy! Shaving fucking sucks.

    ETA: I most definitely am of low moral character, though. Not denying that one.

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      negativezero89Arctic16
      10/21/14 1:00pm

      I'm in the same boat, but as the article points out, it's the carefully groomed stubble wherein the problem lies. Per the expert himself:

      You can have stubble, meaning you haven't shaven for a little while and a little bit of visible hair is growing in. That's fine.

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      Borisk770Arctic16
      10/21/14 1:23pm

      Hahahaha yes dude. I could have written this comment myself. Every word of it, last sentence included. Here, take my star.

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    FridayFridayHamilton Nolan
    10/21/14 12:51pm

    Solid advice, but not much good for weeding out men on first impression. If you've just met the guy, how can you tell if he's this kind of miscreant, or if he's just legitimately forgotten to shave on this particular day? You can't.

    That's why I only trust men with full Ron Swanson levels of facial hair, or men who are clean-shaven like James Bond. There is no in between.

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      punterturnedpiratelouieaguiarrrFridayFriday
      10/21/14 1:06pm

      Yes, you can tell if it's false stubble.

      Just look closely for the all-too manicured affectations like perfect symmetry around the edges, or how only finely trimmed stubble has all hairs uniformly standing in erect attention, like parading battalions of North Korean soldiers.

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      Hamilton NolanFridayFriday
      10/21/14 1:07pm

      Obviously it takes repeated concurrent daily exposures to a man to determine whether or not his stubble is, in fact, perma-stubble.

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    balananalaHamilton Nolan
    10/21/14 12:45pm

    My boyfriend has permanent stubble, but it's not intentional. He shaves and then...... boom, stubble. I don't get it. Probably not shaving close enough? But we generally use the same razors. So. I dunno.

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      Hamilton Nolanbalananala
      10/21/14 12:48pm

      If he's constantly shaving it off and it regrows, he is not carefully grooming it, nor does it qualify as "permanent." You are safe, for now.

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      ╰(　´◔　ω　◔ `)╯< Woke and Bokebalananala
      10/21/14 12:51pm

      I'm the same way. I have permanent 5 o'clock shadow.

      It's just how manly I am.

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    ekktHamilton Nolan
    10/21/14 12:44pm

    We should be at least 10 years past the “carefully groomed stubble” fad, why is it still here?

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      WaxManekkt
      10/21/14 12:50pm

      That fact makes this advice all the more timely. If someone is still doing this then they are a true monster. Not just some misguided soul swept up in a trend.

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      김치전!ekkt
      10/21/14 12:53pm

      Because the scrape of a man's chin stubble on the spot where your neck starts sloping out to meet your shoulder is the sexiest thing in the world. Fact.

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    toothpetardHamilton Nolan
    10/21/14 12:46pm

    Are wristwatches involved?

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      Barnabetoothpetard
      10/21/14 12:54pm

      Only Apple watches.

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      Russianisttoothpetard
      10/21/14 12:58pm

      Wait til HamNo goes after the trilby hats and throws them into the mix.

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    Mobutu Sese SekoHamilton Nolan
    10/21/14 1:01pm

    And that one-inch long haircut that you have carefully style-waxed forward, virile Sir Stubble, is not proof that your hair is in recession but that you are both:

    a) too popularly busy for any other haircraft

    and

    b) Caesar.

    It is a flawless deception. You have my Axe.

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      HitchtopherChristiansMobutu Sese Seko
      10/21/14 11:44pm

      Goddamn, I have missed you. Are you finally back? Please be back.

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      Mobutu Sese SekoHitchtopherChristians
      10/22/14 4:35am

      Thanks, homie, that's really nice of you. I'm not, though. I'm over at the Guardian and Rolling Stone. Although I probably will show up at Deadspin again one of these days.

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    StealthHoHamilton Nolan
    10/21/14 1:12pm

    Oh, this is the perfect place to ask this question: My husband recently shaved off a beard, and of course he shaved it into a moustache, just for fun. The thing is, he looked really good! We were both shocked. He looked like a nightclub owner from the 30's. So anyway, is a moustache ever acceptible if it really suits a face?

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      freakydeekyStealthHo
      10/21/14 1:33pm

      Anything that looks good (especially to the wife) is acceptable.

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      MizJenkinsStealthHo
      10/21/14 2:18pm

      With no beard hair at all? JUST mustache? I would need photographic proof that it doesn't make him look like a kiddie diddler, because I don't think that's possible on anybody but Tom Selleck.

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    DogRidingRodeoMonkeyHamilton Nolan
    10/21/14 12:56pm

    I have to maintain a very short beard at all times (longer than stubble, but not full lumberjack) because clean shaven I look like an overgrown version of either Ralphy from A Christmas Story or that smug little dick from Jerry Maguire, and if I let it go without trimming it back, I look like I murder hookers in railway yards very quickly. The key is actually shaving back the neckline and cleaning the cheeks makes all the difference.

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      HesterMofetDogRidingRodeoMonkey
      10/21/14 1:32pm

      I know several dudes who have stubble-beard or facial hair of some sort, because they have extreme baby faces without it. My brother is one of these people.

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      The Gray AdderDogRidingRodeoMonkey
      10/21/14 1:44pm

      Well, I have to remain clean-shaven at all times because my beard is actually about 2/3 gray, and I work in the most ageist white-collar industry in the USA (and that would be software development).

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    Taylor BermanHamilton Nolan
    10/21/14 1:33pm

    Men with well-groomed beards are also not to be trusted.

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      Joel JohnsonTaylor Berman
      10/21/14 3:41pm

      My current beard is well groomed at the bottom, groomed stubble on the top.

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