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    MikeLanre Akinsiku
    8/17/14 2:30pm

    I'm so sorry for all the hateful replies, but my bet is you're pretty used it. Unfortunately, the haters' comments prove your point: that the abuse of black men continues because whites want it to (or at least want to remain ignorant of it). What we need is for white men to realize that the abuse dehumanizes both of us. We would both win if black men were treated as human beings.

    I'm a white man living in a 99% affluent, white town. I've been told my car looks like something "a black guy would drive." I don't know what that means, but there you have it. Last year I got pulled over at 4:00 am for "swerving," which was obviously bogus since I was going through an S curve. When the cop came to my window and shown his flashlight on me he looked really surprised and said, "Oh, um, I'm sorry. You kind of swerved back there. Have you been drinking?" I said no, just got off work. Then he said, "So sorry, have a nice evening." Just like that. No further questions or breath test. I can't help but think that I wasn't the person he expected to find and that he wouldn't have been so unnecessarily apologetic or caviler about my "drinking" if I'd been black.

    (By the way, I think your piece was so well written. Those are complicated thoughts that you expressed very clearly.)

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      GregorMendelLanre Akinsiku
      8/17/14 1:45pm

      Please bring back the greys. It can't happen soon enough.

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        Venus_in_fursLanre Akinsiku
        8/17/14 1:43pm

        I have nothing to add except thanks for the best personal essay I've read on Gawker.

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          PostedByGhosts-Venus_in_furs
          8/17/14 1:56pm

          Right.

          And I thought I was the only one who had to do the college ID thing!

          (I actually thought I invented the shit LOL)

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          GregorMendelPostedByGhosts-
          8/17/14 2:09pm

          You did that, too? Sheesh. Being black in America requires intensive training. Pathetic.

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        youdontwantanyofthisLanre Akinsiku
        8/17/14 2:27pm

        I can relate to this as a college educated black man myself and I do have survivors/Uncle Tom guilt, even though I shouldn't.

        What it took me some 20 years to realize after college is that I would continue to be judged by my color. In a company, you won't be "that angry guy" when you get upset, you'll be that "typical angry violent black guy" and you'll still be seen as a thug by some, even in a suit and not speaking ebonics, and you WILL be reminded that you're an exception, in a polite but still vile way, that will remind you of when you used to get pulled over for nothing. That you stand out and not in a good way. You'd think that goes away in a professional environment but it doesn't. Not at first.

        If you stay true and strong and survive it, you'll reach a plateau where you'll have transcended being black as can be reasonable expected. You won't be left out of meetings and skipped over for promotions - you'll be at a point where the amount of money you're handling means they understand you deserve to be there and will really work with you and trust you to handle things.

        I've been management and now a director for about 6 years now, the only black management in the 75+ year history of the company I work for and 1 of 4 or 5 blacks in a company 400+ in size. There need to be more of us. Do whatever you have to to survive. The guilt won't go away, but you're doing something that's needed for our people - you're the example that will maybe get another black person the shot at a professional job. Never forget this and stay strong, young blood.


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          harsdottiryoudontwantanyofthis
          8/17/14 3:30pm

          But apparently according to this essay it doesn't happen to black women as there is not one mention of a female victim of police brutality nor anything mentioned about the price of blackness for women, yet the title is suggesting that he is speaking for us all, but he forgets 50% of his own race by not including narratives of black women.

          I too have been passed up for promotions, harassed by cops as a suspected prostitute when I simply coming home from a club, and how many of us have been dismissed as "an angry black woman" even by men our own color when we are approached in a demeaning fashion of "hey ma" or to justify why some brothers consistently chose to date anyone but a black female.

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          youdontwantanyofthisharsdottir
          8/17/14 3:47pm

          I agree with you, 100%. 1 of the "4 or 5" I mentioned was a black woman and was relieved of her position because it "wasn't a good fit". Did her job, but that's the reason she got. I can't tell you how upset I was, when I saw others in and out of HR for write-ups and getting away with it.

          I absolutely agree with you in that black women get it as bad as black men. I actually think it's even worse for you, because you get a whole separate other bigotry to deal with as women.

          Perhaps the author, as I was, was speaking from only our own perspective, which is wrong. All blacks suffer from this and if I reflected any of the author's tone, that this is an inherently male only problem in our professional lives, I apologize and that wasn't my intent. I'll try to be more inclusive in the future, thanks for pointing this out, honestly.

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        GregorMendelLanre Akinsiku
        8/17/14 2:00pm

        This is what I've been trying to imagine for a long time, but particularly in the last week. To feel so hated and distrusted all the time...At least the trolls are making it clear that what you've written is TRUTH.

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          PipeSmokingGalLanre Akinsiku
          8/17/14 2:22pm

          I just forwarded this to my 13 & 15 year old sons who thus far haven't experienced this. Well, the older one has but was so young he didn't recognize it.

          Thank you and keep writing!

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            NefertittiesPipeSmokingGal
            8/17/14 3:59pm

            I am posting to Facebook. It was well-written and an informative account of something people who look physically Caucasian are unfamiliar with on a personal level.

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            PipeSmokingGalNefertitties
            8/17/14 4:52pm

            I think I'll ask my wife to do the same. I don't use Facebook so I'm happy you're doing it.

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          OMG!PONIES!Lanre Akinsiku
          8/17/14 2:05pm

          Thank you, Lanre, for the good read.

          Generally, I like to read various opinion pages on Sunday mornings and this was a welcome addition.

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            Dr. Peter VenkmanLanre Akinsiku
            8/17/14 2:17pm

            Nice illustration, Tara.

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              Tara JacobyDr. Peter Venkman
              8/17/14 3:10pm

              Thank you!!

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              Búho se PierdeTara Jacoby
              8/17/14 4:07pm

              I really like it too! Also, your image on the Jezebel PMS article was fantastic.

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            Bad TinaLanre Akinsiku
            8/17/14 2:07pm

            Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this. I'm not very eloquent today, but this line, "And it almost goes without saying that these stops are de facto violent, because even when the officer doesn't physically harm you, you can feel that you've been robbed of something." really struck a chord within me.

            These moments of oppression are inherently violent. They are displays of complete power and status. In these moments police and other authority figures are saying that they can do whatever they want with another person's life. They are dehumanizing.

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              nevermindLanre Akinsiku
              8/17/14 1:54pm

              I just wanted to write to say that I get why you felt guilt about the college ID move, but it was smart. You can't help anyone if you're dead and you'll never know if that ID was the difference between a lethal escalation of that kind of situation or not.

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