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    A Small TurnipTracie Egan Morrissey
    8/15/14 12:07pm

    Apropos of smuggling coke, last year I was visiting my parents at their cottage in Maine, flying into Boston. I got to the cottage and unpacked my suitcase and found a large rectangular package of white powder tucked between my sweaters. Just under a kilo. I nearly shit a brick.

    I think someone must've put it in my suitcase and sent a message to someone in luggage-handling at Boston Logan to pick up before it got to me, but something went wrong somewhere along the line, and I got it.

    Anyway, I raced around the cottage locking winows and pulling curtains and pushing bureaus up against doors because fucking hell I've seen movies. I know how this ends. I'm the girl who gets caught up in some heinous motherfucking drug cartel and is shotgunned in the face before the opening credits. Fuck.

    Anyway, I stared at that goddamn kilo all night, and wasn't murdered, so that made me happy. But fuck, man, you better believe I use those plastic ties on my suitcases now.

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      Ken Yadiggit, AdiosA Small Turnip
      8/15/14 12:09pm

      YOU CAN'T JUST END IT LIKE THAT. What did you do?! Did you call the police? Sell it? Chuck it in the woods? That's terrifying, I can't even imagine what I'd do...

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      AliceInWunderlandA Small Turnip
      8/15/14 12:19pm

      Yes! We need more informaaaaaation. Did you trash it down the toilet? Snort it?

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    holmeagTracie Egan Morrissey
    8/15/14 12:00pm

    ...How does one even get cocaine into her breast implants? Was she going to remove them when she got to her destination? This seems like an awful lot of work to smuggle drugs, especially considering it's a fairly expensive procedure. Was there a special drug-ring doctor that was going to do this for her? I have so many questions.

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      Lisbeth Salamanderholmeag
      8/15/14 12:30pm

      I have heard of this before, the drug mules aren't really all that voluntary.

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      AcidMefluxLisbeth Salamander
      8/15/14 12:38pm

      Yeah, some are intimidated into service by threats against or even kidnapping of family members.

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    GELLA - LLAPTracie Egan Morrissey
    8/15/14 11:59am

    its like episode of Nip/Tuck all over again

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      francescafioreGELLA - LLAP
      8/15/14 12:01pm

      DAMN. You beat me to it! :)

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      JaimeLannistersFakeHandGELLA - LLAP
      8/15/14 12:07pm

      Also my first thought. I'm also thinking she wasn't entirely complacent in this, considering she was acting nervous...

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    NotYourCheese2Tracie Egan Morrissey
    8/15/14 11:59am

    If you want to see the actual coke tits and the horrible job the narcotraficantes did at putting them in, see this link. Graphic and gross, obvs.

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      Cocopop!NotYourCheese2
      8/15/14 12:36pm

      I hope she gets appropriate medical care. Cause damn.

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      accordingtoNotYourCheese2
      8/15/14 1:44pm

      Wow. Those aren't even implants, they're just plastic bags full of coke. Gross.

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    MsAdventureTracie Egan Morrissey
    8/15/14 11:54am

    "Coke Tits" is the greatest article tag ever.

    So, she got the implants just to smuggle the coke, and have them removed at her destination. Would the cartel's on-call plastic surgeon have given her new, coke-free implants as payment? That's my burning question.

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      BingleyJoeMsAdventure
      8/15/14 12:05pm

      I'm guessing once you go full coke tits, you don't go back.

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      obeyyourscarletthirstMsAdventure
      8/15/14 12:19pm

      In my neck of the woods all sodas are cokes. I'll have a coke. What kind of coke do you want? we have Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, etc. So now I'm picturing breasts that are soda fountain drink dispensers.

      ...I make my own fun.

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    AliceInWunderlandTracie Egan Morrissey
    8/15/14 12:18pm

    I think this is a pretty ingenious idea to smuggle drugs, but ... damn! How did they find them? I need to more about the irregularities in her breasts. Presumably, she was wearing a bra? I guess maybe it should have been padded?

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      DangerTitsAliceInWunderland
      8/15/14 1:14pm

      You can't wear a real bra right after that surgery. I don't know how she was functioning, she had to be on pain meds. That shit is no joke.

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      AliceInWunderlandDangerTits
      8/15/14 1:44pm

      Ugh. That sounds really fucking painful.

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    JosephFinnTracie Egan Morrissey
    8/15/14 11:52am

    coke tits

    Thank god, I was looking for a new Fantasy Football team name.

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      BabyJaneTracie Egan Morrissey
      8/15/14 12:42pm

      Now we need some random guy to smuggle it in his testicles so I can make a coke-a-nuts joke.

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        Gonzo the SomethingTracie Egan Morrissey
        8/15/14 11:57am

        Dammit, Pam.

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          Ken Yadiggit, AdiosGonzo the Something
          8/15/14 12:09pm

          Sploosh!

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        paultoesTracie Egan Morrissey
        8/15/14 1:20pm

        I really hope that she asked "Is this some kind of bust?"

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