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Hamilton NolanHamilton Nolan
4/04/14 4:01pm
A small update: I just heard back from the person who wrote us this letter (in January), who tells me that she finally found a job. She said to tell anyone who was moved by her letter and wants to help, "RUN, don't WALK to anyone you know that is unemployed. Don't just think of close friends and discount acquaintances. Any financial help that would have been considered for me, PLEASE find a way to give it to them."
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  raincoasterHamilton Nolan
  4/04/14 9:58pm
  That's wonderful!
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  AssFault on the Highway to HellHamilton Nolan
  4/05/14 1:49am
  I am really, really happy to hear this. Thank you for updating. After reading this earlier, and posting my response, I did in fact reach out to a former co-worker who just got laid off to see if I could help her get her resume out there. Back when I was laid off from that same company several years ago, she walked me home and helped me carry my things. She also sent me a little money, unsolicited, when I wanted to start my own business, and became a client of mine, too. When I read this post today I thought, "That could be her," so I texted her. I am so glad I did. And I'm so glad they are both OK. :)
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jrfdeuxHamilton Nolan
4/04/14 2:46pm
Could an employer who does this please explain the rationale behind not hiring the long-term unemployed? I run the marketing department of a 200+ employee company and I have not known ONE department head here turn down a resume because the applicant hasn't been working for a while. We select based on KSAs and cultural fit.

I'd like to hear the rationale so long as it's other than "Well, see, we're assholes."
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  cepalgjrfdeux
  4/04/14 3:13pm
  Pretty simple logic. Not the employer, but someone who's helped put the logic in place for several of them.
  
  You see that statistic from the other day about how it's currently harder to get a job at a McDonalds' job fair than it is to get into Harvard, statistically speaking?
  
  Nobody's out there saying "I REFUSE TO HIRE ANYONE WHO HASN'T BEEN EMPLOYED FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS." Well, that's a lie, there's probably one or two stupid, evil bastards who are saying that, but that's because stupid, evil bastards occasionally exist. The reason this is a problem is that there's a -shitton- of people out there saying, quite understandably, "given the choice between someone who's currently employed and someone who's been out of work for x length of time, I'm going to hire the first one, because the first one is less likely to do something that results in me having to fire them/make them unemployed given the limited data available to me."
  
  The problem lies in the fact that given the number of job-seekers out there, and the number of automated resume-checking programs that can be used to disqualify applicants before their application ever reaches the eyes of a human being, that second statement gets closer and closer to the first statement the larger the population being measured grows.
  
  There's no evil involved. Just rational self-interest. Why take a risk that you don't have to?
  
  Well, besides the whole 'inadvertently creating of a modern-day caste of untouchables in the wealthiest nation on the face of the planet' thing.
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  jrfdeuxcepalg
  4/04/14 5:01pm
  So I read the logic but don't see it as sound. Seeing an unemployment gap as a risk is ridiculous thinking. If both Applicant A & B have all of the KSAs I need, I don't filter by checking for length of unemployment. I fucking INTERVIEW them, you know, the hard work of seeking out whether or not the person has the requisite values to fit with my team. Isn't that a million times more important than tracking someone's misfortune? Ferfuckssakes, people recruit with the most ridiculous assumptions.
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A House In VirginiaHamilton Nolan
4/04/14 1:35pm
I graduated high school with the tail end of GenX, got my degree with Millennials. On the one hand, I wish I had experienced the corpse of the "90s boom" through the "Economic Collapse" like others my own age, but actually... I have a fulltime job, not in my field of study, but I'm well taken care of. This has been the case all through "college."

The GenXers I went to HS with are less resilient than the Millennials I got my degree with. The Millennials, however, feel more entitled. That, I feel, is a result of having been children during the "90s boom."

90s prosperity was like 80s prosperity on steroids.
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  PlantinMoretusA House In Virginia
  4/04/14 1:41pm
  What actual years are you talking about? People have weird ideas about where GenX and Millenials begin and end.
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  A House In VirginiaPlantinMoretus
  4/04/14 2:26pm
  according to L'Arianna @HuffingtonPost... late 70s is considered Millennial. I was all "woaaaah Kukla, DO NOT lump me in with that Gremlin Generation."
  
  Kinda stunned I had to remind the bi-coastal literati that FIRST AND FOREMOST a Millennial was a minor on 9/11. I was already of drinking age.
  
  Have said it before, I will say it again: 20 years for a "social generation" (as in: with distinctive memes to mine) doesn't work anymore. Technology is evolving so fast this needs to be reduced to 10 years. At least.
  
  Case in point: "80s kids" used computers for the first time at school, Millennials at home.
  
  These are just 2 of the most glaring examples...
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Hannibal the CannibalHamilton Nolan
4/04/14 12:53pm
Unemployment is soul-crushing. Long term unemployment, I've yet to find a word that accurately reflects exactly how much of a toll it takes on you.
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  BestAtNothingHannibal the Cannibal
  4/04/14 1:58pm
  I don't think it can be described in a word. You start to feel and even get told that you're not of value as a human being. That somehow despite all your best efforts the fact that you're unable to land a job is purely due to your own lacking. It's important to ignore those kind of thoughts and criticisms, lest you yourself start believing in it and making your situation even worse in the process. The unemployed are victims.
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  Hannibal the CannibalBestAtNothing
  4/04/14 2:02pm
  I think you've nailed it. It's just too alien an experience from normal life to easily describe. I look at regular humans, living their lives, and I can't really consider myself one of them anymore. There's simply too great a divide between the two states to overcome easily.
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BestAtNothingHamilton Nolan
4/04/14 12:57pm
People currently in long term unemployment: Believe me I have been where you are. I've been unemployed for nearly a year at a stretch. I won't tell you to pull yourselves up by your bootstraps, but here's a tip from someone who's been there and is currently working again:

Use your downtime wisely. Try to stay proactive, work on yourself physically and mentally, take up a new hobby, even volunteer. Not only does this show that you've been keeping busy during your downtime, but you'll fend off depression that much easier. The sooner you get into this habit the better.

Second, consider working for yourself. Had I the same motivated attitude I described above sooner during my unemployment, I probably would have been able to further my own business a lot more. Try thinking about things you love to do, and ways you might be able to monetize those things. You most likely aren't' going to be able to support your every need this way, but there's never been a better time to try working for yourself than in the current poor job market.

For example, check out Fiverr.com. It's a great site to make a little cash on the side using your own unique talents. Give it a go.
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  toothpetardBestAtNothing
  4/04/14 12:59pm
  I'm working on checking out of the working-for-other-people game here soon as well.
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  BestAtNothingtoothpetard
  4/04/14 1:12pm
  Follow your own beat, you'll be fine.
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AssFault on the Highway to HellHamilton Nolan
4/04/14 1:01pm
OK... whoever wrote this, wherever you are, you are depressed. It's a perfectly reasonable and natural reaction to your circumstances. You need to understand though that your depression is LYING TO YOU. All of those friends and loved ones probably DO CARE and need to know what is going on. YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. Losing you would be a wound that would never heal, whereas this is a long term yet temporary situation. You need support. That's ok. Just keep telling yourself that you would, without question, absolutely do the same for them if they needed help. Knowing this, ASK FOR HELP. It sucks to have to do that, being an independent and otherwise self-reliant person, but being that independent person before means you'll definitely be there again, someday, and you know in your heart of hearts that you will pay it back or pay it forward when you're back on your feet.
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  MouthyFishwifeAssFault on the Highway to Hell
  4/04/14 1:05pm
  I wish I could star this 50 times over to get it up to the top. You are spot on and I hope that somehow the writer of that bit gets to see your advice and takes it.
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  raincoasterAssFault on the Highway to Hell
  4/04/14 9:46pm
  Well-said.
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OMG!PONIES!Hamilton Nolan
4/04/14 1:08pm
To those who have an unemployed friend or even acquaintance, look around you and see what things that you are paying for that you can have your friend do.

Hear me out...

Pride is a bitch. It stops us from asking for our even taking assistance even when we need it. We would rather sabotage ourselves than lose face.

For example, if you need a dog walker or dog sitter, don't pay a stranger. Ask your friend and tell them that you'll pay them whatever you'd pay the stranger. You're helping them out and because they are doing something for you, it doesn't feel like charity to them.

Another option is to arrange for a couch rotation among your circle of friends. You don't necessarily have to house someone for a month. But a day here and a day there, along with Wi-Fi access goes a decent distance. It also provides your friend with human contact.

No one needs platitudes. They've been said a million times and don't amount to jack shit.

Do something for your friend. Send resources her/his way. If s/he won't take charity, arrange a quid pro quo.

Because pride is a bitch.
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  PCOMG!PONIES!
  4/04/14 1:18pm
  Those were beautiful suggestions. When I was put of work for 8 months, I hid from my employed friends. it would have been nice if I could have accepted help.
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  VivaTerlinguaOMG!PONIES!
  4/04/14 1:19pm
  Sometimes a bag of groceries is everything in the entire world to someone. It's the ability for them to see a clear survival plan for the next week.
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liz2266Hamilton Nolan
4/04/14 2:54pm
I have posted multiple times on the unemployment stories here and it never gets easier to read these. My husband is under employed for 3 years and has completely fallen in to a pit of despair. I'm trying to get him the help he needs at low cost because I'm terrified I will lose him if things don't change. We are moving from our current rental to save money and take any burden off of him and he has some side jobs lined up for the coming months but the fear is what happens after?

If you have a friend who is unemployed, help them however you can. If they ask you for any connections at your job or to a job, help them. So many people have said "oh, I'll pass his resume along" but they don't follow up, they act like eh, they'll call you if they want. Don't just put in a good word, encourage their hiring as much as possible.

Think about them, check in on them, let them feel like they can talk to you. Don't for a minute ever think it's easy on them or they don't seemed phased by it. Also, be there to support those who are supporting the unemployed. There are times where I have to really check myself when I get frustrated at the situation, I go to my friends and vent and they help me get back to the right perspective. It takes a toll on everyone involved.
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  Hamilton Nolanliz2266
  4/04/14 4:03pm
  Thank you, good advice.
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  Lipstick Mysticliz2266
  4/04/14 5:38pm
  SO sorry you and your hubs are going through this; it's so terrible. One thing that is also helpful is not being judgmental about that unemployed person's monthly expenses; it's yucky how people here and elsewhere will go, "WTF? You pay *insert the monthly amount you pay for rent/mortgage/food/childcare etc.*! Well, here in *insert what is usually a boring ass state with next to zero culture, opportunities, or INTELLIGENCE* we only pay $2.00 a month for rent or for a pound of chicken; you are obviously not managing your money properly!"
  
  Your monthly expenses are your monthly expenses. Sometimes a move is not feasible for a huge number of reasons. If you are two self-employed business owners living in New Jersey, for example, and all your clients are in New Jersey, and they won't work with out of state consultants, then, yeah, you bet yer ass you're going to have to keep living nearby in the New York/PA/NJ zone. So don't fucking lecture us about how rents or mortgages are higher. *end rant*
  
  I just see a lot of that all over the Net; judgy behaviors from some grandma in Missouri who doesn't understand that a $1500 mortgage in HER state might buy a luxury home, and here it gets you a crappy condo, if you don't want to live in the inner city. (I'm generalizing; don't fucking bit my ass if you pay less and you live in NJ because I will smack the fuck out of you. And i mean that in the nicest way!
  
  Anyway, monthly expenditure shaming does NOTHING to help the real unemployed and underemployed meet their monthly costs; and I just wanted to mention that!
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123AwesomeHamilton Nolan
4/04/14 1:54pm
Oh, me me me!

Thankfully I have a job now, but I've been down that road. The worst part about being unemployed long-term is the solitude. You get to the point where you can't justify a $3.25 bus ride to meet your friends for coffee, and anything like a group dinner or whatever is certainly out of the picture. Even if you could afford it, watching your old pals and their wives discuss buying a new condo is not a fun way to spend a meal. The shame of being unemployed makes you feel unworthy of your peers. "What have you been up to?" is a question that you just can't face. You overthink everything. This writer speaks the hard truth of it. I applaud her honesty and wish more people understood what a nightmare this can be.
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  under_electriclite123Awesome
  4/05/14 1:48pm
  Right there with you on the solitude. I pretty much lost real contact with friends from college because of everything you just said: $2.50 for the subway or $2.50 for a can of soup? Soup wins if you're practical.
  
  Long Term unemployment is a cornucopia of psychological stressors and dynamics no one knows until they're actually going through it. Which makes the people who aren't going through it and their comments and criticisms a level of infuriating they need to make a scale for, because it would be off the charts.
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John Mayer's Racist DickHamilton Nolan
4/04/14 1:34pm
One interesting thing is that so many people confuse their success with luck - I know so many people who are like "I'm self made bitch" but guess what you are also lucky as fuck, and you aren't as hard working or smart as you think you are.
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  Hannibal the CannibalJohn Mayer's Racist Dick
  4/04/14 1:38pm
  Acknowledging their own good fortune would also require them to acknowledge that there was a chance they wouldn't succeed, or that one day their fortune might reverse itself, and that their success was not due to their own inherent superiority of intellect and morality. For many, the thought is simply unbearable.
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  lostwallletJohn Mayer's Racist Dick
  4/04/14 2:10pm
  Funny, I always have that thought about people with corporate gigs. I've been running my own business, built from the ground-up, for 16 years. My business, and my employees, live on my ability to continue to do great work at a competitive price under fierce competition. My "success" (in quotes because it feels like just scraping by most days) is equal parts hard work, intelligence, consistently showing-up, continuing education, and, yes, luck. When luck does visit, it feels like a ray of sunshine.
  
  My favorite comment from others is when they say "oh, you have your own business, it must be nice to work when you want to," to which I reply "yes, if when you want to is six, sometimes seven, days a week." I could easily triple my salary and halve my workload with a corporate gig.
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