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    CommonVicesKelly Faircloth
    3/10/14 4:29pm

    I waited tables in Lynchburg, Virginia, one of the "buckles" of the Bible Belt. The after-church crowd was always horrendous. They'd routinely under-tip, snidely ask why I was working that day instead of going to church, leave gospel tracts instead of cash tips (even the maddening "fake" tip) and generally act like entitled, demanding, holier-than-thou pricks.

    I even waited on Jerry Falwell a few times, and even though he was a model customer (literally the only nice thing I can say about him), his grown children and their families were complete brats.

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      oneeyedbaltCommonVices
      3/10/14 5:09pm

      I never knew "fake tips" existed. Holy cow, what a horrible idea.

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      CommonVicesoneeyedbalt
      3/10/14 5:24pm

      Apparently, some Christians believe that Jesus really gets off on pranking members of the service industry.

      "Thanks for the great service! Here's a generous tip! JK! It's actually a worthless piece of paper! Good thing your landlord accepts sanctimony instead of actual currency, right? Oh, he doesn't? Well, at least you got to hear about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ by means of cruel deception! Now you're set firmly on the path towards being a good person...like ME! And the best part is, your spiritual education didn't cost me a thing except my last tattered scrap of self-awareness!"

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    missclavelKelly Faircloth
    3/10/14 4:20pm

    Since I'm guessing a lot of servers will show up here, I've been wondering: What's the reasonable tip % to make servers not hate me when I dine out with a messy toddler?

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      showerhourmissclavel
      3/10/14 4:29pm

      I'm a server and I think the standard is somewhere around 20% regardless of whether you have no messy toddlers with you or a twelve top of them. That being said, 20% is for great service. If I were your server and I gave you shitty service for whatever reason I would not expect you to reward me for doing a bad job. I'm going to skip the whole blah blah blah the restaurant wage system is flawed discussion and just say this: hopefully your experience at wherever you're eating is pleasant and hopefully you're a polite guest. As far as tipping goes, the decision is entirely yours. If I were serving you I would not expect any kind of extra compensation for having a messy toddler with you, though if you feel the need to do so, that's very nice of you.

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      tuxedocatherinemissclavel
      3/10/14 4:32pm

      I served at a family restaurant and I never expected a larger-than usual 15-20% tip from a family with small children. (When I got one, it was greatly appreciated, though!) What did make me not hate certain families, though, was when the parent(s) were clearly trying their best, helping me clean up messes, being apologetic when need be. If I saw that someone was doing their best, I never really minded. (Of course, it was not ideal to have a screaming toddler in my section knocking over glasses, but you know.) The only time I really got upset and disliked customers was when they weren't paying attention to the kids, letting them run around, make a mess, etc. etc. without attempting to discipline or even watch them! As if I was supposed to be a nanny/maid/babysitter on top of my serving duties. Still makes my blood boil.

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    LaComtesseKelly Faircloth
    3/10/14 5:04pm

    I worked Sunday mornings/afternoons at a coffee shop in my little town and the church crowds (there were two good-sized churches within walking distance on the town green, not including the Catholic CCD facility as well) and they were the worst. They frequently and rudely reminded me that I should treat them as special because they were "regular customers" and that they kept the coffee house in business.

    BITCH, you think buying a $.90 small coffee once a week keeps this place in business. No. That would be the gaggle of Goth kids outside who buy 3 large mochas a day and the guys who come here daily after their AA meeting.

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      go-go-chocoboLaComtesse
      3/10/14 5:42pm

      Oh gods, so much this. I get the same thing at the adult store I work at. "I should get free rentals/not have to pay my late charges cause I'm a regular." Bitch, spending $5 bucks a week on porn does not make you the kind of customer whose ass I have to kiss. Buy one of the Lelo vibrators and we'll talk.

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      kristenelenaLaComtesse
      3/10/14 7:13pm

      YES! It's always the people who spend the least amount of money that are the most vocal about being a regular or paying customer and deserve blah blah blah.

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    vanessasavedherburnerKelly Faircloth
    3/10/14 4:13pm

    Weird waitressing/religion story time.

    I was serving a table of about 10 church goers and their 'leader' (he didn't refer to himself as a pastor so I don't know what he was) and they were telling me that God can speak to him and he can sweat Gold. "That's nice", I tried to reply as politely as I could, thinking, "what a bunch of morons". Sure enough, the leader would go to the washroom every 10 minutes and came back covered in gold dust. I mean it was EVERYWHERE. On his face, hair, clothing, his food, the table, the floor, etc. And all the church peeps were like, "see? It's God talking to him right now. Tell us your prayers, Vanessa, the Lord will answer them." "Um, I pray for world peace" I said (at the time, I was more polite to religious people and would just go with it, because I was too afraid to speak up and bc I wanted the tip, now I'd have told them to fuck off.) Anyhoo, they ended up tipping me well enough, but the leader came up to me after and told me with a $20 in his hand and said, "I'm paying this forward bc I know you'll pay the church back with your presence". When they left, it took me more than an hour to clean up all the gold dust, and I couldn't take anymore tables in the mean time, so even with the 'bonus' I ended up losing money anyway.

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      accordingtovanessasavedherburner
      3/10/14 4:20pm

      Hah - my husband works with copper alloys and other metals. He actually sweats copper - his pillowcases and socks are green with it, and if his hair gets too long it develops a greenish hue. Luckily copper doesn't build up inside the body.

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      BurleyQGirlvanessasavedherburner
      3/10/14 4:21pm

      Sure enough, the leader would go to the washroom every 10 minutes and came back covered in gold dust.

      Hahaha WHAT. And why would God make him sweat gold dust? For what? OMG.

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    quagmireKelly Faircloth
    3/10/14 4:15pm

    Oh, the Church people. Always chiding us for working instead taking going to services. Telling us it's the Sabbath, so we should take a day of rest. Never once picking up on the irony that we WOULDN'T be there if no customers came on Sundays. Also, how on EARTH did they know whether or not we went to church? If you're only spending an hour or two there, why does your server need to spend the whole day?

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      goddessoftransitoryquagmire
      3/10/14 4:30pm

      Yeah, just because you've already been to services doesn't mean they lock the doors and bar the windows. Most churches have two masses.

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      KristenfromMAquagmire
      3/10/14 4:36pm

      Also, how on EARTH did they know whether or not we went to church?

      How would they even know that you're Christian? Oh wait, they couldn't possibly be expected to acknowledge other religions or even atheism, amirite?

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    Marylee111Kelly Faircloth
    3/10/14 4:10pm

    they complained to my manager so that they could get their meals discounted

    I hope the manager had the sense to laugh in their stupid faces.

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      goddessoftransitoryMarylee111
      3/10/14 4:29pm

      Jesus doesn't need your help to make up for sins, lady. He already died for that for your smug uninformed ass.

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      lucy pevensieMarylee111
      3/10/14 4:32pm

      Chain restaurant managers are basically required to discount meals no matter how ridiculous the complaints are, because the possibility of resulting bad press/word-of-mouth (that could harm every location in the country) is never worth it.

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    Martha_Jones21Kelly Faircloth
    3/10/14 4:12pm

    Yo real talk tho, IME, little old ladies are the WORST. I dont know what it is, but they always do the most for no reason. I was in a situation once where I was like, bitch I don't care if you're over 50 I will end you. I did this on the inside of course.

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      goddessoftransitoryMartha_Jones21
      3/10/14 4:32pm

      It's like they're getting revenge on the world for a lifetime of doing stuff they didn't want to do and never "getting" to do what they did want to do.

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      ChocolateCakeAndBeerForBreakfastMartha_Jones21
      3/10/14 5:19pm

      In my opinion, it is always the people who advertise their faith who are the worst.

      I use to work for a finance company and we never inquired about the faith of our would be customers (because no one cared) but if their business voice mail closed with "Have a blessed day" (or some variation) or they put Bible tracts up on their business website- then we charged a higher percentage because inevitably that people would screw us over. If they had proved that they were not charlatans than we would have lowered the rate- but no one ever did.

      Every. Single. One. of those people submitted fraudulent (I mean, straight up illegal) paperwork within the first 6 months.

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    KristenfromMAKelly Faircloth
    3/10/14 4:39pm

    Of course, there's something in it for the church

    How could I let myself think that this was a purely charitable act upon the part of the church guy?

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      RenoTerrorKristenfromMA
      3/10/14 4:53pm

      Oh yeah. What a prick. Raising awareness of the gruesome after church crowd and the need to treat service staff fairly for a couple of cool points. Man, who does he think he is, Goldman Sachs?

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      KristenfromMARenoTerror
      3/10/14 4:57pm

      Nope. Not saying he's Goldman Sachs, but if part of his motive is getting people to attend church, his church, then I call BS. If there are strings attached, it's not charity.

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    A Friend Called 5Kelly Faircloth
    3/10/14 11:10pm

    Years ago, when I had to wait on these Sunday assholes, I had some old church fuck put one of those fake $20 on the floor. He had it attached to a string and when I went down to pick it up, he yanked on the string so it slid away from me.

    The sight of some hard working poor bending to pick up money and then having it snatched away set off peals of laughter at the table. They would come in on Sundays and pull that on every server that waited on them.

    It really is hypocritical Christian like this that turn so many off of the God they profess to honor and witness for.

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      Cestrumnocturn1A Friend Called 5
      3/10/14 11:57pm

      I hope you pissed in their coffee....and then laughed when they drank it.

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      TinypawA Friend Called 5
      3/11/14 1:49am

      That is just awful. What in the hell even.

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    MongoOnlyPawnInGameOfLifeKelly Faircloth
    3/10/14 4:57pm

    When I worked at a computer store one customer I helped out (who was nice enough) handed me a flier about Christ or something when he was leaving. I told him to take it back, that we didn't allow people to handout fliers in the store. He continued with "Jesus loves you" and I told him to stop proselytizing me. He handed some more fliers to the checkout staff when he was leaving. As I said he was nice enough but sticking religious propaganda in someone's face is rude, ruder still when they ask you not to do so.

    Still, that pales in comparison to what waitstaff have to deal with.

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      hottotrotMongoOnlyPawnInGameOfLife
      3/10/14 5:08pm

      I was doing research in a small town county courthouse one day, when a woman who worked in another department came into the clerk's office to hand out some pamphlets. Clearly she had been chided about this before, because the first thing she said was something like, "They're not from any specific denomination, so they're okay." The ladies in the clerk's office pretty well just ignored her—I assume that's how she always gets treated there. She handed me a booklet about having a happy marriage. I didn't bother to inform her that I am a 35 year old unmarried gal. As soon as she left the ladies in the clerk's office went right back to gossiping about people in town!

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      MongoOnlyPawnInGameOfLifehottotrot
      3/11/14 8:58am

      My old roommate (OR) used to wait tables. A number of years ago, he was working at a restaurant at a time when Westboro was in the area. A middle-aged couple came in and sat down at one of his tables. After OR checked on them, the man asks a different server if OR is a homosexual. The server says something like "I don't really know, is that really an issue". The couple stand up, yell "fucking faggot" at OR, and leave. Funniest part of that is OR isn't gay.

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