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    bokjoyKelly Faircloth
    2/26/14 1:40pm

    What if someone who'd really want to be at your wedding decides not to attend your random fake event because they have something better to do? And then feel hurt that they didn't know it was your wedding, and thus didn't know to make extra effort to be there?

    I'd totally be that person, and, honestly, I'd be super hurt to miss the wedding of someone close to me just because they thought it would be cool to have a "surprise."

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      Zelda Pinwheelbokjoy
      2/26/14 1:42pm

      We told the two people who were like, "Oh, I don't think I can make it." They kept it to themselves and that way we weren't being unfair.

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      Kelly Fairclothbokjoy
      2/26/14 1:42pm

      That's my concern — what if I've already accepted an invitation to something else, for instance? I'd back out of someone's birthday party for another person's wedding, but otherwise I'm going with whatever invite I accepted first.

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    Sailor JupiterKelly Faircloth
    2/26/14 1:35pm

    I don't understand how this saves time/money. You still throw a wedding, you just don't tell your guests until they show up. The only thing I could see it saving money on is save the dates and invitations.

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      lunchcomaSailor Jupiter
      2/26/14 1:37pm

      I was assuming that these surprise weddings tended to be very small and casual, without attendants or fancy dinners. Though of course you can do that without the surprise.

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      DeebaSailor Jupiter
      2/26/14 2:09pm

      I think it's just because people are more willing to "accept" a low-key ceremony if it's also a surprise. If you tell people in advance that you're having an inexpensive backyard wedding, you have to deal with all your relatives complaining about it. Some of my friends who tried to have inexpensive, DIY-heavy weddings gave up on the idea because of family pressure- Grandma is shocked by the idea of not having the wedding in a church, Cousin Sheila is offended that you don't want a flower girl when her daughter is just the right age, the groom has 4 sisters who all expect to be bridesmaids, and so on. Those types will fuss if you throw a surprise wedding too, but they can't very well demand that you get re-married.

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    Zelda PinwheelKelly Faircloth
    2/26/14 1:35pm

    The Mr and I had a surprise wedding last year! Literally the week before the one on "Girls." We invited everyone for a clambake at our new house, and before lunch was served I went inside, changed into a dress, and came out saying, "We're going to get married! Right now!" The best part was when my husband asked his nephew to be his best man. It took our nephew a few seconds to understand that the Mr meant right then. I thought it was super—we had a gorgeous cake and flowers hidden in the house to bring out for the celebration. It was low stress and fun.

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      onlythisonceZelda Pinwheel
      2/26/14 1:36pm

      Aw, that sounds fun! And congrats!

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      Zelda Pinwheelonlythisonce
      2/26/14 1:43pm

      Thank you so much!

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    runatalantaKelly Faircloth
    2/26/14 1:40pm

    Just as long as couples don't start surprising each other willy nilly. You know that's the next step, here.

    A girlfriend of mine went on a surprise vacation with her boyfriend. He refused to tell her where they were going, and only gave her a packing list (a shockingly specific one) the night before their departure. They ended up on some island off the coast of Canada. On their last night he proposed to her on their way to dinner. She was thrilled. Then, as they walked across the beach, she noticed a man who looked surprisingly like her father. In fact, he WAS her father. Her boyfriend had flown their immediate families to the site and had a minister and photographer there to marry them that very second. She said she was furious at first, but eventually gave into the "romantic" gesture and married the dude. Admittedly, they seem very happy now, but MY GOD I would have absolutely killed him. Just killed him.

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      lunchcomarunatalanta
      2/26/14 1:45pm

      That boyfriend was just asking to have his proposal declined.

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      Amyranthrunatalanta
      2/26/14 3:46pm

      It SOUNDS beautiful, especially if they got married where I think they did (Tofino, maybe?), but it also sounds very pushy and controlling. For all I know though, she had mused about getting engaged and how much of a pain it would be to plan a wedding and he thought it would be a great way to get everything done and over with so they could enjoy the rest of their lives together.

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    ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ : Riot GRRR is RUNNING WILDKelly Faircloth
    2/26/14 1:43pm

    How about surprise weddings at funerals? You already have a priest and plenty of flowers there, after all.

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      KiwiCrashʕ•ᴥ•ʔ : Riot GRRR is RUNNING WILD
      2/26/14 1:47pm

      Plus you have a very handy place to keep the ring until you're ready to put it on her finger. I doubt the person will mind holding it.

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      RuthSlayderGinsburgʕ•ᴥ•ʔ : Riot GRRR is RUNNING WILD
      2/26/14 1:55pm

      Damn you, I have to go to a funeral tomorrow, and now I'm worried I might remember this and start inappropriately laughing!!

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    AikageKelly Faircloth
    2/26/14 1:46pm

    I am telling you, stop with the wedding insanity, it sets an unrealistic expectation of the rest of your lives. Marriage isn't anything at all like your wedding. It's not all misery and strife or anything - it's really great if you think of it as a Soccer game. You're both equal players on a team, and sometimes one of you wants to shoot and score, so pass the ball....

    anyway, as far as rambling nonsense goes....I win.

    I think all I'm trying to say is that people should try to be at least a little practical and think in terms of "other things 20,000 dollars could buy me"

    You don't have to do the whole, "courthouse wedding" thing, but tone it down to rational levels and try to remember that you will actually do your future life together much more good by using that money to buy a house or something.

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      Zelda PinwheelAikage
      2/26/14 2:03pm

      That can't be stated often or loudly enough. My husband and I are weirdly into each other, and wanted to celebrate formalizing our relationship—which we had to do for legal reasons—but agreed that it was extremely secondary to actually building a life and relationship. A surprise wedding was fun and affordable and we kept our focus on each other instead of place settings.

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      StoneMustardZelda Pinwheel
      2/26/14 3:08pm

      YES, a thousand times.

      It feels good to hear someone say this. It's what me and the futurewife feel, but everyone's trying to make us feel like having a giant party for our wedding is 100% necessary. To us, it's about 1/1,000th as important as the rest of our lives.

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    ZeetalKelly Faircloth
    2/26/14 1:39pm

    I think it would help if you let your elders in on the game.

    If I invited my whole family (including those who lived on the other coast) over for a BBQ, most of them wouldn't come. Flights and hotel for a BBQ? No. For a wedding? Yes.

    So, you know, I'd have to let some people 'in' on it — like my parents and grandparents. But everyone else. . .

    well, I avoid weddings like the plague. So this is probably how you'd get me to attend one.

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      dramamonkeyZeetal
      2/26/14 3:46pm

      Once you let people in on it, it's no longer a surprise though...

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      Zeetaldramamonkey
      2/26/14 4:04pm

      Yeah, but if you want grandma to be at your wedding, and grandma needs a plane ticket and a hotel room, then you should probably say that it's for a wedding, not a BBQ.

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    goddessoftransitoryKelly Faircloth
    2/26/14 1:38pm

    My first thought was that this was about somebody telling their SO that they were "getting married right now" and all the horrible, YouTubable ways that could backfire.

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      Diaphenagoddessoftransitory
      2/26/14 1:41pm

      I thought it was about people planning and throwing a surprise party-type wedding for two unexpecting, commmitted-but-not-married SOs. Which would be horrible and hilarious.

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      AludraDiaphena
      2/26/14 2:16pm

      Both of these went through my mind in quick succession.

      I really hate surprises.

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    lunchcomaKelly Faircloth
    2/26/14 1:35pm

    If you want to get married at what you said was your birthday party, I guess that's fine by me.

    Caveat: If I RSVPed "no" to your birthday party because I had to work late that night or have dinner with my boyfriend's family, I don't want to spend the next decade hearing about how I skipped your wedding.

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      StoneMustardlunchcoma
      2/26/14 3:06pm

      I assume the type of people who do this aren't particularly concerned with who is/isn't at their wedding.

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    ForgotMyMantraKelly Faircloth
    2/26/14 1:36pm

    It worked for these two. Now that I think of it, all three of Parks and Rec's weddings were sort of ambush affairs.

    GIF
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