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    HiMyNameIsJayAgainGabrielle Bluestone
    2/18/14 10:47pm

    Let's be honest: if you're eating a Hot Pocket you probably deserve whatever happens to you because of it.

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      evilbunnyqweenHiMyNameIsJayAgain
      2/18/14 10:49pm

      We all make stupid decisions when drunk...

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      torchbearerHiMyNameIsJayAgain
      2/18/14 10:50pm

      I want to set fire to a co-worker that eats them, but I have a feeling the only reason he eats them is because he can't afford anything else.

      No one eats them willingly, right?

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    apeshapedmanGabrielle Bluestone
    2/18/14 10:51pm

    Hot pockets are made specifically for diarrhea enthusiasts, so I don't see a downside to any of this.

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      PseudoHermesapeshapedman
      2/18/14 10:54pm

      I kind of hope there is a Society of Diarrhea Enthusiasts.

      With all the things in the wide green world (the Worshipful Company of Management Consultants comes to mind), surely that must be among them?

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      apeshapedmanPseudoHermes
      2/18/14 11:04pm

      We could charter one. It's flag could be a golden hot pocket on a field of mottled brown.

      Never fly the SoDE flag inverted except in cases of emergency. Or constipation.

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    Yukon KizmiazGabrielle Bluestone
    2/18/14 11:30pm

    Is there an old time Gawker commenter here who remembers the Hot Pockets person?

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      99Telep☺dpr☹blemsYukon Kizmiaz
      2/19/14 3:02am

      Yeah, yeah. Holy shit! The Hot Pocket troll!

      Come on out, buddy. Now is your time to shine!

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      victornightingale99Telep☺dpr☹blems
      2/19/14 3:26am

      I miss that crazy son of a bitch. What zeal and commitment he showed at a time when Gawker seemed to be on the verge of destruction. In retrospect, he may have even saved us.

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    99Telep☺dpr☹blemsGabrielle Bluestone
    2/18/14 11:06pm

    I think I understand this video now. Kate Upton is wildly hallucinating as she lays dying from food poisoning.

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      yamamie99Telep☺dpr☹blems
      2/18/14 11:33pm

      wwooooowww! I'm high as fuck right now and that video is fucking weird!

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      XwillowX99Telep☺dpr☹blems
      2/18/14 11:37pm

      What the hell did I just watch.

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    MadincraftsGabrielle Bluestone
    2/18/14 10:52pm

    Deeeeaaaaaaath Pockets.

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      CoopermanMadincrafts
      2/18/14 10:54pm

      Looks like someone's jokes wrote themselves for at least the next two years.

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      rowsdowermobileCooperman
      2/18/14 10:57pm

      RIP

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    spidyredneckjediGabrielle Bluestone
    2/18/14 11:58pm

    Just please don't tell me what's in my Taco Bell. Please let that mystery meat remain a mystery.

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      Vulcan Has No Moonspidyredneckjedi
      2/19/14 9:20pm

      It's actually a lot less horrid than a chicken mcnugget. It's a lot like a depression era meat loaf. Some meat but mostly loaf and seasoning.

      http://jezebel.com/5742413/this-i…

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      spidyredneckjediVulcan Has No Moon
      2/19/14 9:28pm

      No! I said don't tell me about the mystery meat in my beloved Taco Bell! Damn you, enlightened Gawker commenter for actually researching something on a related Gawker site to shatter the mystery behind that meat!

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    Montauk MonsterGabrielle Bluestone
    2/18/14 10:50pm
    GIF
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      GregoireGabrielle Bluestone
      2/18/14 11:02pm

      "diseased and unsound animals"

      For some reason, I read this in the voice of the Dowager Countess. Oh my...

      GIF
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        GregSamsaGregoire
        2/18/14 11:10pm

        And I'm sure the camera cuts to Martha Levinson for an exasperated chuckle.

        GIF
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        champagneGregoire
        2/19/14 11:10am

        Boy, do I like you for this

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      stacyinbeanGabrielle Bluestone
      2/19/14 12:24am

      https://twitter.com/jimgaffigan/st…

      God Pocket.

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        applejuicestacyinbean
        2/19/14 4:14am

        Jim Gaffigan must have a google alert for 'Hot Pockets' set up.

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        Walter B. Recklessstacyinbean
        2/19/14 8:13am

        follow me pls indonesian fan here

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      bolsillocalienteGabrielle Bluestone
      2/19/14 1:13am

      I jammmed my fingers into her sopping cunt, pushing the last of the pepperoni Hot Pocket into her uterus.

      “Yeah, that did it!” She cried out in ecstasy.

      I pulled away and sat up, staring into her perfect, blue Aryan eyes. “Are you sure?”

      “Yes. I’m pregnant.”

      It was the last time we would feel joy.

      Nine months later, she collapsed in the kitchen. The tray of Hot Pocket she was pulling out of the oven spilled out onto the floor and most of them burst open, filling the room with the pungent smell of diseased horse meat. I hesitated, unsure of whether to help her or the Hot Pockets.

      “No!” She screamed, grabbing for her belly, pushing it down frantically. “It’s coming!”

      Her belly distended grotesquely like an over-microwaved Hot Pocket about to erupt.

      Something was wrong.

      Something was very wrong.

      I reached down to help her up, when I heard a popping sound of a hundred bursting Hot Pockets and the air filled again with the smell of diseased animal meat.

      Her belly exploded and out poured Bulbasaur, Ivysaur, Venusaur, Charmander, Charmeleon, Charizard, Squirtle, Wartortle, Blastoise, Caterpie, Metapod, Butterfree, Weedle, Kakuna , Beedrill, Pidgey, Pidgeotto, Pidgeot, Rattata, Raticate, Spearow, Fearow, Ekans, Arbok, Pikachu, Raichu, Sandshrew, Sandslash, Nidoran, Nidoqueen, Nidorino, Nidoking, Clefairy, Clefable, Vulpix, Ninetales, Jigglypuff, Wigglytuff , Zubat, Golbat, Oddish, Gloom, Vileplume, Paras, Parasect , Venonat, Venomoth, Diglett, Dugtrio, Meowth, Persian, Psyduck, Golduck, Mankey, Primeape, Growlithe, Arcanine, Poliwag, Poliwhirl, Poliwrath, Abra, Kadabra, Alakazam, Machop, Machoke, Machamp, Bellsprout, Weepinbell , Victreebell, Tentacool, Tentacruel, Geodude,Graveler, Golem, Ponyta, Rapidash, Slowpoke, Slowbro, Magnemite, Magneton, Farfetch'd, Doduo, Dodrio, Seel, Dewgong, Grimer, Muk, Shellder, Cloyster, Gastly, Haunter, Gengar, Onix, Drowzee, Hypno, Krabby, Kingler, Voltorb, Electrode, Exeggcute, Exeggutor, Cubone, Marowak, Hitmonlee, Hitmonchan, Lickitung, Koffing , Weezing, Rhyhorn, Rhydon, Chansey, Tangela, Kangaskhan, Horsea, Seadra, Goldeen, Seaking, Staryu, Starmie, Mr. Mime, Scyther, Jynx, Electabuzz, Magmar, Pinsar, Tauros, Magikarp, Gyrados, Lapras, Ditto, Eevee, Vaporeaon, Jolteon, Flareon, Porygon, Omanyte, Omastar, Kabuto, Kabutops, Aerodactyl , Snorlax, Articuno, Zapdos, Moltres, Dratini, Dragonair, Dragonite, and lastly, Mewtwo, crawled out, something dangling in its mouth.

      Mewtwo looked at me and dropped the object at my feet.

      It was a pepperoni Hot Pocket.

      “For you,” it rasped, “for daddy.”

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        99Telep☺dpr☹blemsbolsillocaliente
        2/19/14 3:07am

        Wait, the Hot Pocket troll and the Pokemon troll are one in the same person?

        GIF
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        carprosambolsillocaliente
        2/19/14 4:07am

        That was a lot of work for a very, very, very unfunny joke.

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